I Miss My Dawgs Part 2

Part 1

So I wrote two posts...then deleted it, I'm not too sure why. I wasn't embarrassed about it or anything, I feel like it was something I had to do. Kinda like when you write a letter to someone, but then you don't mail it to them. You do it moreso for yourself, yeah...that's it. I was reading my old posts and stumbled upon this, which inspired me to title this part 2.

I miss you...from the trouble you got me in to never being able to beat you in one on one.
I miss you...you were the Shaq to my Kobe, my Westside ride or die, you taught me how to slow dance.
I miss you...late night walks, looking into your eyes and feeling a sense of comfort I've never felt before.
I miss you...annoying the heck out of you because I didn't know how else to let you know I cared. 4 am conversations because you're a wonderful friend. iMessage connect 4 instead of paying attention in class. Why are things so different now?
I miss you...sushi dates because no one else will indulge with me. Ranting back and forth to each other and counting on hilarious replies.
I miss you...you used to be around more.
I miss you...driving range, dessert runs, late night conversations in the car.

I dunno...part of me tells myself it's as simple as sending a "hey, what's up, how've you been?. But something inside me won't let it be that simple. Part of me asks the question to them that you're probably asking me: well if you miss them, why don't you just reach out to them? I dunno, I really don't...things change, people change, situations change. Sometimes timing just isn't right...sometimes distance is healthy...sometimes, space is necessary. I guess I'm banking on the fact that everything will reveal itself in time...cuz with time, comes growth and new/different situations and opportunites. I don't expect any of these relationships to be like they once were, but I'll always have the memories. I do have hope that these relationships...can mend, change, improve, revive...all with time. Patience.

Consistency Is Key

With the majority of things in life...consistency is key, especially at the start. In a relationship, y\all both gotta put in mutual effort in order for it to work When you're starting a youtube channel, you gotta keep posting videos every so often otherwise you'll get forgotten pretty easily. Similarly, when you start a blog...you gotta be consistent, you gotta post regularly...you can't just expect success overnight, unless you're very lucky, you gotta post consistently and slowly build a following and such. When I first started blogging, I was consistent as heck...posting as much as 5 times a day and like a minimum of 1, but I was posting everyday. But the content was lacking...back then, it was more important to just keep posting, to keep being consistent. Slowly as the blog grew, as I grew...I started sacrificing a bit of consistency for quality. Now, I do my best to give you a mix of both...and I'd say for the most part, I think I'm pretty consistent in terms of at least posting once a week, but DEFINITELY doing my best to post more for sure. If you really enjoy something, stick with it man...be consistent, I can't emphasize that enough. I know so many people who wanna and have started youtube channels or blogs with the thought and intention of blowing up, getting attention and such...but then when it doesn't pay off right away, they stop. Or not even that, they make videos or post pretty consistently for a little while, but then they stop and the channel or the blog dies. I've shared many times, the dudes who inspired me to start this blog were hella consistent, but after a while they stopped...and I was tempted to stop as well, but I kept going. Consistency man, focus on that...and if you can, do your best to try to balance consistency and quality...if you put out dope stuff consistently...people are gonna notice and that's when your following will start to build and you'll see that the fruits of your labour will start to show. I know it's hard, especially at the beginning, when you're putting in all this work and it feels like it's not paying off...which is why I'd say to really think about it before you start it, if it;s something you really like or enjoy and can see yourself doing with just as much passion if one person is supporting you or if a hundred people are supporting you. It all starts with yourself...if you start something and you don't see results right away, are you gonna quit...or are you gonna keep going? I'm blessed and appreciative that I'm at the point where I've kinda built a decent following and a minor buzz around this blog...but at the same time, just the overall theme of this blog allows me to give it my all regardless of how many people read my posts. I understand something like youtube is much different, which is why I caution you in really thinking before you start something like that. I can't count the amount of inactive blogs created by friends that were once super excited and inspired to start, write and create. For me, with every milestone and hurdle this blog reaches, it allows me to reflect upon the very humble beginnings in which I started all the way to wherever  it is I am now. Be consistent first, then work on quality, but if you can...do both.

The Coolest Girl I've Ever Met

So in order for you to understand this post in context, you'll probably need to read up on this first. So there's this funny video that is pretty much exactly what happened to me and you can watch that over here. If you don't wanna watch it, it's pretty much 2 guys doing the exact same thing for a girl...one being looked at as super cute and one being looked at as super creepy. I guess you could say I kinda experienced that...so I was with my friend at church one time and pretty much this lady that I know, but wouldn't say am super comfortable with...well she walked up to me and lifted up t-shirt sleeve to look at my tattoo (it was my first one). I was hella creeped out and my friend on the side was dying. Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago...the lady from the blog post which I linked above...saw me and lifted up my sleeve to see my tattoo (she's seen it before), except she lifted up the wrong sleeve and saw my newest tattoo (which she didn't know about). Her reaction was hilarious, she's like wooooow, you're such a bad kid now LOOOL. Spoiler alert btw...the girl in this post, the girl in the post I linked above...the coolest girl I've ever met...yeah she's actually like a lady in her 30's LOOOL, but she;s hellaaaaa cool. So she asks me how many tattoos I have now and I'm like 3 and she looked at me and was literally like bruhhhhhhh. She goes yeah I never told you this but I have a tattoo too...I was like WAIT WHAT...how did this never come up in any of the conversations we've had  She's like yeah on my back I have a tattoo, I didn't ask to see it cuz we were in public, but I was like bruhhhhh. She's like yeah I didn't think I could tolerate the pain, so my friend and I got semi-drunk and went to go get tatted...I was like geeeeez. I was like so what did the church mans say, she's like nothing, it's none of their business. Hold up, lemme pause for a second...

Alright, let's continue lol...she's like, it's not up to them to judge me, it's up to God. She's like if the kids saw my tattoo and asked me to get a tattoo, of course I'd ask why and hope they'd give me a good enough reason. She started talking about partying and drinking...how if kids wanted to have a house party and drink, she'd be like yeah, have it at my place...that way she could supervise. She was like...I think forbiddance is a terrible way to teach children because they're gonna do it anyway if they want to. So she\s like yeah, if I ever get kicked out of church, you'll know why, then she dipped...LOOOOOL. I dunno why I find this lady so cool...firstly, in the less than 5 times I've interacted with her...she never judged me once, from the first time she saw me which was in a tank top with my tattoo in plain sight, to now when she sees me other 2 tattoos. Something like that...you can't imagine the sense of relief and comfort it makes you feel...so when she came and lifted up my sleeve...it was like oh whatever, it's just her, compared to the other lady where I legit freaked out cuz it was so weird. I definitely agree with a lot of her points if not all, and she told me she had interest in swinging by and maybe helping a bit here and there with the youth, which was super dope to me. But yeah, to possibly one of the coolest girls...ladies...women I've ever met. 

Retreat 2016

And we back, and we back, and we back, and we back...

So I went away this weekend to our annual church retreat...which explains why there haven't been any posts.A funny questions tho...so I was asked "hey Rodmond, do you ever run out of topics or things to talk about on the blog?" My answer...of course, that's why sometimes, I go days without posting...cuz there's nothing to talk about. For the most part, these posts are life experiences, things, people and anything that inspires me...and sometimes, it's dry like a desert, so that explains that. On to today's post...

So I just came back this afternoon...we left Friday afternoon ish, so it was about 3 days and 2 nights...lemme tell you I got a combined total of 8 hours of sleep this weekend...so I was dozing off...but not only that...I was TRIPPING. Like if you've seen 21 Jump Street, I equate it to when they take the drugs and start freaking out...I couldn't sit still, I was fidgety, my head hurt...and I was super tired, oh man. So interest for the retreat, at least for the university and up side has been dying...apparently, you can get too old for something like that, which I don't buy. Neither do I buy that you can be too old for theme parks, amusement parks, video games OR Pokemon Go. Unless you're too old for FUN...then PEACE. So this year, I won't lie...I heavily contemplated not going...I started to really believe "well maybe I am too old for retreat, it's a kiddie thing". None of my boys are going, hardly any of the uni kids are going, I'm not gonna have anyone to talk to, am I gonna fit it, I don't wanna be left out, who am I gonna sit with...all these questions hit me like a pokeball coming at you at 90 mph. Nonetheless, I'm glad I went...it was fun and it made me feel young again...like legit repeating high school. These kids...they welcomed me as they do so many new friends...it's crazy how friendly, welcoming and nice they are. They remind me of myself and my friends when I was that age at church...just MUCH MORE friendly and outgoing. I'm thankful for them and I'm encouraged to see God working in them now and moving forward. The speaker for the retreat focused a lot on the Holy Spirit, which was dope because it's something that doesn't get focused on too much. If I could sum it up, I'd say that "if the Holy Spirit isn't working in you, he's working on you"...I love that line. Because whether you're a devout christian, a non believer, a struggling christian...you can fully relate to this. When you do something wrong, that voice inside of you, that guilt, that wanting to change...that's the Holy Spirit. This weekend was exhausting, loud, tiring, fun, funny, educating, heartfelt, cold, encouraging and ultimate just united. It was super dope just to spend time with people in church I don't normally get to spend time with, getting to know people I don't really know so well and having really great conversations with people I'm already close with. I'm glad I went to retreat this year and it's definitely made me excited for the next year and the dope thing is telling my friends about all the cool and funny things, some of them are bummed they missed out and may be interested in going next year. I'm really excited and encouraged with the direction our church and mainly our youth are heading in. I can't wait to see what God has in store for me, for you and for us.

To My Mom & Dad, With Love...

*We now returned you to our regularly scheduled programming*

So surprisingly yet unsurprisingly, there was an overwhelming amount of feedback from the previous post, both positive and negative. Tbh I was just venting...and aside from talking to some of my friends, this blog is the one of the only ways I know how to vent anymore. For the most part, I don't feel like I owe anybody but one person an explanation for why I said what I said. If y'all wanna know (and some people have reached out to me), just ask me. I've told y'all and I've learned and regardless of what you say or do, everybody's gonna have a different opinion and that's perfectly fine. But yeah, like I said I don't feel like I owe anybody anything except one person and I've already reached out to that one person and it's all good. So if you still have questions, concerns or anything, speak up or forever hold your peace...cuz this is me atm.

So I was gonna push this post till tomorrow, only because I just got home, but I did promise the blog would return today, so here we are. So my parents aren't your typical asian parents. A lot of the asian kids I went to school with had what you would call "typical asian parents"...who demanded good grades, made you learn piano, some sort of math class and pushed for some sort of job that made a lot of money like doctor or accountant. My parents were and continue to be very different from that. In school, they were never hard on me. I was always nervous to bring home tests or mid report cards that they had to sign and it was like a 60% or something...but they wouldn't get angry, they would ask me well what happened? Why did you get that mark? Did you understand the information or what was going on? See for my parents, especially my dad, the mark wasn't important...he would always ask whether I understood the information, and for the most part I did...I guess just translating it into a test was just difficult for me. My parents were always hella supportive and they always wanted wanted what;s best for me, like any parent. Their only hope for me in school was for me to do my best...they didn't ask for A's (tho it would be nice when I did bring some home), but they only asked for me to do my best and if I did, it wouldn't matter if the number on the paper said 68% or 86^. My parents loved asking the WHY questions. Well why did you do poorly? Why did the teacher say this? Why did this happen? And I think that's why I'm kinda the same way...well why can't we do this, why are these rules in place, why is this necessary...because my parents are exactly the same way. I mean that in all aspects too...seeing my friends a certain way, or seeing people moody...well why are they sad, why are they mad...I like to get past the surface and into the nitty, gritty. But anyways, before I tangent too much...I've never really appreciated these qualities that my parents have until I've gotten older and begun to take my marks more seriously...whether I've continued to do well or not...my parents have always supported me...for them, it was never about the money when it came to university...they just wanted me to finish, but moreso...enjoy what I was studying and understand what I was studying. I know graduating was a really big deal for the, because I'm the first in my family to do so and the first one of my family's last name to do so, so I know they're really proud that I stuck it through and it means a lot that they always supported me and never made such a big deal about marks because it shaped me into who I am today...constantly asking the how and why questions and not taking things for the way they are upfront. It means so much having parents like that considering I've seen some kids with very pushy parents and parents with very high expectations to the point where it puts so much pressure and stress onto the kid. I'm thankful I had the opposite of that and I know I'm gonna be the same when it comes to my future kids, so thanks mom and dad...with love, from your son.

RT

This May Offend You...

I know for a fact this may offend some people...which is why I chose not to write this directly onto Facebook but it's truly not my intention to. But after tonight...like this isn't even the first incident that's made me get to this point. What do you do when you strongly disagree with how the church you go to is being run? What do you when the supposed "senior" pastor aka the reverend...well you don't respect him whatsoever. I've never considered myself a rebellious person and I still don't. I constantly tell you guys how quiet and shy I am. I'm the kinda person who usually speaks whe spoken to and I usually only speak UP when there's a problem or it's something that's REALLY bothering me. Like I HATE church politics...biggest reason I don't like getting too involved with the church. But how do you ruin and make something such as basketball or softball so complicated. I'm a believer in submission to authority I really am...but I need to know the reasoning behind the authorities. I'm not just gonna listen to you because you say you're a teacher, a pastor, a respected person. You can still make mistakes. The biggest pissoff is when the middle men, the second in command or whatever tell you you can't do something and when you ask why it's because the "leader" or person in charge says so. But what's their reasoning...I'll fully stop or not so something IF given a legitimate reason or explanation...but stopping something I like or am passionate about just because someone in a position of power tells me to...I can't really agree with. I FULLY understand that a pastor or a reverend is in that position for a reason...through many years or experience and such...but that DOES NOT mean they don't make mistakes NOR does it mean everything they say is correct. I'm pretty angry right now...and it's not even about basketball anymore. I didn't wanna write this at first because I was at a solid 10...I calmed myself down to like a 7 and decided to write how I'm feeling. I reiterate my opening questions. WHAT...do you do when you don't agree with how your church is being run and the "policies" they have? And what do you do when you don't really or don't at all...respect the person that's "in charge"? I'm done with this garbage...peace.

I may regret these words tomorrow...but I've felt these same feelings towards the same people COUNTLESS amount of times...that it can't just be me and my "rebellious" attitude...can it?

I Think I Like Her Part 3 of 3

Man...so this post took longer than I thought cuz I took a while to look around and find some stuff I needed...I wrote the intro below yesterday, but got caught up in stuff so didn't get to finish the post. Man...my boy complained about these posts not being an emotional roller coaster...going through my old posts and trying to find those notes...THAT itself was an emotional roller coaster for me...refeeling all those emotions, feelings, fights, arguments...geez.
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What's up, so I spent a good portion of these past couple of days debating whether I wanted to write about the original post I had in mind or switch it up with one that came to mind recently. I won't tell y'all which one I chose, I'll probably write about the other one some day...I guess I'm not really ready to write about that one yet. At the same time, a friend was like yo, this is the last part...I'm expecting something deep, an emotional roller coaster because I haven't gotten that from the previous 2 lol. So here we go...

Part 1     Part 2

This story lasted a good portion if not all of my high school life, career, journey? I met this girl in grade 9 thanks to a friend lol. I added her on facebook and did the old oh yeah I'm a friend of this person, we met a couple of days ago. We got to talking and we hit it off right away. You know how when you meet someone, it's kinda like a back and forth interview, oh so what do you like to do for fun, what do you wanna do after school, that kinda stuff. With her, we...or she at least skipped that part and opened up to me about some pretty personal things really fast...and when someone does that, you can't help but reciprocate. Needless to say, we became good friends really fast. All of grade 9 for the most part, we were really good friends, I didn't think nothing of it. Grade 10 rolled along and I started developing feelings for her...long story short, she didn't feel the same way, but she told me that if this was one year ago, she would've been down. Like wait what? She was like yeah, I liked you in grade 9, but I assumed you didn't feel the same way cuz you didn't do anything...so here's grade 10 me, trying to take this all in and at the same time I'm braaaaaaaahhhhhh. So here's where the story gets messy...very, very messy. So come grade 11, I still liked her, we were still friends....but we started to argue a lot, A LOT. When I say I liked this girl...like at one point, I thought I loved her, I never thought I'd know what love meant at such a young age, but I truly thought I loved her and that's why I was so hurt and everything started spiraling outta control. For me, it was either we be together, or we can't be friends at all cuz that's how bad I liked her. A LOT of this stuff is before the blog started popping, before I started posting thoughts and stuff on the blog, when it was still like music videos and corny tingz. I REMEMBER...the first article I ever posted on facebook...I didn't even post myself. I made my friend post it cuz I was scared no one would read it and he was hella popular. After that, I started posting stuff on the regs and lemme tell you when I say I wrote A LOT OF POEMS about this girl. But like I said, grade 11 was a messy...pretty much ugly year in terms of our friendship...she started talking to a bunch of other guys, I still liked her, but bitterness and anger started brewing...and out came more poems about her. Jazmine Sullivan - After The Hurricane...THAT SONG...holy, gave and still gives me so many feels...and Marques Houston - Circle...OH MYYYYY...literally feels right now. We literally argued so much, going into grade 12, our friendship was a shell of what it once was, we hardly talked anymore, I couldn't even bare to look at her in the halls...so we graduated high school, and I had lost a best friend. Somewhere down the lines in university, she reached out to me...she didn't really keep in contact with many people in high school, I was real surprised cuz we hadn't talked in years. She told me she had been following my blog and wanted to catch up.I remember meeting up with her and it was super nice, like talking to an old friend, there was no bitterness, no animosity, we had both moved on and were both in different stages of life, but there was a nice, friendly chemistry between us that never left. I still keep in contact with her to this day, we never really reminisce about the past...because why would we want to.

I'm telling you, I...wrote...enough...poems...about...this girl....it's hilarious cuz she knew it was all about it. There was one point where she wrote a note about me...and I wrote a note responding to every single sentence she wrote...I'm telling you man, it was a beautiful but also ugly time in my life. Something I'll never forget, and never will I want to either.