Still Your Best

Hey friends, so I haven’t really been in the mood to blog lately, I dunny why lol maybe this lockdown is getting to me and also now that I’m done school I just have a buttload of free time lol. I’m literally like forcing myself to put out a post cuz I know if I slack, one week will become two weeks and it’ll just keep going lol. But I also hate forcing myself to write something because it just doesn’t feel natural and I like it when it’s just organic and free flowing. But anyways here I go, so I was listening to Giveon’s album and essentially it’s about the stages of getting over a break up. He has this one song called Still Your Best, which is an absolutely toxic song, a banger but the message is so toxic LOL. It’s essentially that stage in a break up where you’re kinda delusional and you convince yourself oh that person will never find anyone better than me. It just got me thinking like damn that’s such an unhealthy way to approach it because it’s like instead of really trying to improve yourself you’re over here like nah that dude/girl they’re with is hella whack, def don’t compare to me. You like sit there and hope they’ll come back or realize that you’re the best they’ll ever have…he has this lyric where he says “that’s a downgrade and you know it”. I think what’s worse than a toxic mentality are friends who encourage and enable it cuz they’re just as if not worse. They’ll tell you like oh their new man/girl is whack, you’re so much better and they start like putting down the other person. Don’t get me wrong like I get wanting to be supportive and stuff but I don’t think that should be the way to go about it, cuz it’s delusional and ust an unhealthy way to look at things. Giveon goes on to talk about how it’s the stage of the breakup where you mask sadness and hurt with bravado…like oh your new boo ain’t shit compared to me, you don’t realize how good you had it and stuff. I say all of this because when I heard the song, I automatically thought of all the moments in my life where it didn’t work out with certain girls and instead of bettering myself I would legit have that same mentality of like oh I hope they realize how good they had it one day and how dope I am. Instead of focusing on myself I’d be so concentrated on the other person, I hope their new partner doesn’t treat them as well as I did, I hope it doesn’t work out, all that jazz. It’s like you’re focused on their potential suffering and hurt when you should be concerned about yoru own personal happiness. But like I said, I say all this because I’ve been there…whether it’s likeworking out, trying to glow up, read more books or however you wanna improve yourself…sometimes I think to myself is it really for my own improvements or just so I can be like hey look at me and look how much better I am doing without you. Like it can be a pretty blurred line sometimes, are we improving for ourselves or so we can so called show the other person what they’re missing. It’s okay to wanna be sad and to that moment to sulk…for me, trust me it’s natural to wanna soak and bathe in that toxicity, oh I hope their new patner is whack, I hope they realize how dope I was and stuff. But the thing is when you soak and bathe in that toxicity, you gotta be careful you don’t drown in it and it overwhelms you. It’s a dangerous game and an unhealthy way to look at things. I’ve always been of that belief that if something doesn’t work out, doesn’t mean it won’t cross your path later on in life. That’s also why I have a hard time closing doors in my life…sometimes you have to. But anyways, my point was that sometimes you get second chances and you cross paths with old flames and old friends. Don’t bank on it and don’t hope for it cuz it’s not a guarantee, but it’s always a possibility. Until then tho, everything that you do should hopefully be for your own personal happiness and the happiness of those around you. I hope your happiness isn’t dependent on someone else’s sadness and misery. With that all being said, I’ll see y’all soon, peace!