Changes

“That’s just the way it is, things will never be the same.” 2Pac - Changes

An all time classic and something that forever resonates with me. I know I seem to be always talking about change. But it’s forwver relevant. Change is inevitable, it’s constant...feelings change, situations change, seasons change. There’s been a lot of change going on in my life atm and all very suddenly and swiftly. My brother recently moved out, so it’s been weird to go from seeing my brother every single day of my life to like once in a while. Seeing his room empty and all his stuff gone, definitely really trippy and took some getting used to. Not talking to him every single day even if it was a few words about the littlest things is still kinda weird. I also started a new job and it’s been about a month and a half. That was definitely a big change in my life. Grinding full time and waking up super early and staying super late. Meeting lots of new people and being a new environment. When I first started, trust me when I say I didn’t think I’d make it past the first week, let alone a month. I thought about quitting every single day and I almost did tbh LOL. My friends will definitely attest to all my complaining and they’ve definitely seen me quit work after a few weeks or a few shifts. But feelings changed, I sucked it up and stuck it out and here I am a month and a half later...comfortable...and definitely more used to the grind. Just been reminding my self of 2 words, patience and perseverance. Seeing my friends go away for school or for work...change sometimes takes adjusting to, as humans change forces us to evolve and to progress otherwise we get left behind. Feelings change and seasons change...the feelings that I felt about work have drastically changed and the feelings about certain people have changed both for the good and for the bad. More importantly for me as of late something that I’ve really been meditating on is that seasons change. Periods of hardship, of struggle, of harvest and of growth. We all go through seasons of change and some are tougher than others. Like a garden of a field of crops sometimes it feels like nothing’s happening or nothing’s growing...seasons come and go and that’s what I’ve been reminding myself of. Knowing and understanding that yeah you might be going through a tough or difficult time right now, your season will come because seasons change, they always do...in time.

For My Brothers

"These my brothers I ain't even gotta say it that's just something they know..." - Drake

Today I got the chance to see 2 of my boys that I don’t really get to see that often that it was super dope. They both moved to different churches so I met up with them separately for lunch and dinner. Honestly it’s funny because we talked about very similar things. One thing being like when you’re really good friends with somebody, it doesn’t matter how often you see them or how often you talk to them because when you do get that chance to meet up and catch up, it’s always all love and nothing’s changed. How much you talk to them or how often you see them shouldn’t and doesn’t determine how good of friends you are. Granted I have friends who I see and talk to on a regular basis and that’s perfectly fine. Especially now that I’m working full time, it’s really hard to find time to chill with people in general...but as much as that sucks, I’m really happy to know all my friends are grinding and working really hard at school or at work. Like I wanna see my boys succeed and do well. A lot of my friends recently got new jobs, promotions or are starting school...and it’s just dope to see because you wanna see your friends succeed. My boy recently went to the U.K. to teach for a year and I’m super happy for him, I’m sad to know I won’t get to see him for a year but that doesn’t mean we’re gonna stop being friends. My other boy has been grinding his life away in San Francisco for a good year and whenever he does come back, it’s all love and we catch up and it’s a good time. Obviously the selfish part of me wants to be able to see my friends and talk to them on a consistent basis, but I understand the grind that is life and how life takes everyone on different paths sometimes. But like today for example, my 2 friends I was so used to seeing every week at church I now only see here and there and we have to really put in that effort to coordinate a meet up. I was telling my friend at dinner that when life gets more busy and you get older, all your time goes to like your family that it really takes a concentrated effort to meet up with your friends and it’ll be a true test of your friendship based on the people you reach out to you know? Kinda like when you’re in a relationship, when you really love and care for your friends...you want the best for them and their triumphs are your triumphs...loving them sometimes means letting them go, but also trusting that you’ll cross paths again eventually. So my boy paid for dinner today and it just reminded me or this conversation my other group of friends and I always have. Waiting for that day when we’re all financially stable enough to go out together and someone different always pics up the bill, we don’t worry about splitting the cheque and stuff. Dinner tonight was just a glimpse of that for me cuz I told my boy, guess I got you next time. So yeah...it was just a really nice reminder for me that despite having those friends that I do see and talk to on a consistent basis...how great of friends you aren’t isn’t determined by how often you talk or see each other. Till next time, peace.

I'm Not Good Enough

I think there’s a really big difference between being confident and simply having hope, having a belief in yourself. I think confidence can be easily misconstrued like oh chill dude don’t be so overconfident. That or confidence can easily turn into arrogance very quick. I’ve never really been a confident dude, I’ve always been a shy, behind the scenes kinda guy and I’ve grown to relish that role for the most part, it fluctuates depending on the circle of friends I’m around. But I’ve had the same thoughts that I’m sure a lot of you have had throughout your life...

I’m not good enough

I’m not smart enough

I’m not pretty/good looking enough

I’m not wealthy enough

I’m not cool enough

And I mean sometimes these feelings feel warranted because of whatever situation we’re in. Getting passed up for a job, failing classes, getting rejected, disappointing your parents, getting picked last or not getting picked at all, being left out. The situations that we face in life often dictate how we feel, as it should. But this is just a healthy reminder to you and of course always to myself...that it’s not just about what happens to you but it’s more about how you react and respond to that. Cuz you can choose to still be happy and content despite crappy things happening to you. I’ve learned and come to turns that that’s life...and I truly do believe that everything happens for a reason. That especially the bad things, the times in my life where I question the purpose of it...those moments especially are meant to help me grow, to learn and to become a man. I still go through negative situations, it still sucks, I still think negative thoughts at times...but I always move forward and remind myself that I can choose to react and respond however I want, I don’t need to let negativity drag me down...I can respond with positivity and contentment. Only reason I’m saying all this is because a couple people as of late were telling me how they appreciate and really like the “chill vibe” and just positive mindset I give off. I mean I’ve lived a long life...jokes LOL, I dunno...it’s just experience and the things that I’ve seen and heard from the people around me. It’s shaped me into the person I am today and the beliefs and mindset that I have as well.

The End Is Near

Hey y’all...it’s been a while, 3 weeks to be exact since I’ve posted. Definitely an unintentional hiatus, I’ve just been busy grinding and doing life...yeah I’ve been using that term as of late, “doing life”. I’ve been so busy with work and resting/catching up with everything else on the few days I have off that I honestly haven’t even been thinking about blogging these past 3 weeks. What’s more weird and kinda scary is that I even forgot I had a blog at some points. I mean it’s good and bad right? Good to know that just like with everything else...life goes on. I used to wonder what and if I could live life without this blog and if it would be any different. It’s good to know that life continues to move on. It’s good to know as much as I’m known for this blog, at the end of this day it doesn’t define me and my life y’feel? Now the bad...it’s bad in a sense that well maybe the end is near. This is my first taste of the true grind of life, that full time 40 hour week grind, where you hardly have time for sleep, let alone friends and family and then blogging and other stuff. I dunno...I don’t know if I’m ready to say goodbye, but I also don’t know if I have the time to keep this up at a consistent basis. Moving forward it feels like life only seems to get busier and the things on your plate may not pile up higher, but they do get more important and take more time to finish. So yeah, I don’t really know what the move is atm, I just wanted to catch y’all up on my life and what I’ve been up to. Been getting up at 5 am for my morning shifts and staying till 11 pm for my night shifts. It sucked at first but now that I’ve been there for a month and settled down, it’s gotten much better. Like anything in life, it’s a grind and it’s hard word. Perseverance is what I’ve been reminding myself as of late. Thank you for always sticking with me through my craziness and bs lol, till next time...peace.