Keep Moving Forward

I know for certain I've written many similar posts regarding this topic, but it rings so true...and it's a constant reminder to myself to 'just keep swimming'. Complacency and being comfortable can be such a dangerous thing. But it comes in so many different shapes and sizes. Staying at a job for a long period of time because you're comfortable, or maybe you're scared to see what else is out there, scared that there may not be anything better. On the other hand...maybe it's a break up, and you're comfortable and content in sulking in your sadness and comfortable with being bitter. For me, the goal in life hopefully is to constantly move forward, to constantly be growing just as we grow physically. Whether it's getting smarter, stronger, wiser.../you should be wanting to constantly grow and improve...right? So lemme throw out this random question to you...what do you do when the people around you don't seem to be and don't seem to want to grow? To the point where they're somewhat holding you back? I'm not saying this from personal experience, but from an observational perspective I guess. Like to a certain point, wouldn't their content and comfortable attitude rub off on you, the fact that they have no goals or plans to do move, to do better? I dunno...I was talking to my brother about how one of my biggest goals as of late has been to push myself to not be lazy, to be proactive. Because laziness is and has been a root of many of my problems...not wanting to find a job, doing poorly in school, sleeping in till super late...you name it. So the only reason I brought up the question of someone around you being like that is because I'm interested to see or hear what people would do in those situations. Imagine you're a go-getter, you're someone who's constantly chasing and wanting to improve...but every time you talk to your friend, they're always like nahhh just stay where you are, you've got it good, just leave it alone...isn't that hella discouraging? Rereading this post, I know it's probably not the post interesting stuff, so I'm sorry LOL...I just didn't wanna go that long again without putting something out...plus it was something I've been thinking about...especially since I was looking at old conversations with my friend the other day...made me think about constantly moving forward, how that stuff holds you back and such...but yeah, next one will be better, I promise, hopefully.

Just Go With It

Do you remember what it felt like when you were a little kid and you had a loose tooth? I just remember constantly wiggling that ish, trying to get it to come out...wiggling back and forth until it started to hurt, then I'd stop lol. There'd be so many weird methods of people pulling their loose teeth out...like did anyone actually try attaching floss to their tooth, then to a door and slamming the door? Like that doesn't seem like it's work and if it did work it would more or less pull out more than a tooth I feel LOL. But from what I remember, all of loose teeth that fell out, fell out randomly and naturally. It's kinda like the more I wiggled it, the less it would budge, I don't remember any instance of me actually wiggling and pulling to the point where a tooth actually came out. Funny story tho, when I was a kid I was at a restaurant with my family and we were having one of those 10 course dinners. One of those courses happened to be crab LOL...you can kinda see where this is going right? So even tho they give you those clamp things to help you break the shells, me feeling like the indestructible child most kids believe they are...I bit the shell trying to crush it with my teeth and it worked, only thing is that the shell didn't wanna go down without a fight, all I remember is feeling a breeze of air on my teeth, then realizing I had a hole my tooth use to be, and my tooth lodged into the piece of crab LOOOL....my mom was just like bruhhhh, as I went to the washroom and rinsed my mouth lol. But anyways, getting to my point...aren't relationships like that? For some, maybe most people? I definitely feel like that at times. Whether it's cuffing season, whether you're feeling lonely, or maybe it's just all your friends are in relationships too. I'm sure we've all been in a phase where we just really wanted to be in a relationship. Whether that means going on multiple dates, constantly going out to try to meet people...you name it. Now, like many other guys...and probs girls, I went through a tinder phase...going on multiple blind dates with random girls, hoping something would come out of it. Now I'm not saying that doing that is wrong...I'm not saying going out to meet people or going on dates is wrong...I guess what I'm saying is that feeling like you need a relationship to be happy is wrong.  I've always tried to tell my friends to just be patient, to let it come naturally...but sometimes, it's harder than it looks. Like I said....whether it's just that season or all your friends are taken...sometimes it gets to you, and that's understandable. But just like your loose tooth...yeah sure you can force it, you can go on dates every night, go out every chance you get with the intention to meet someone...or you can try to let it happen naturally, go about your day, work on yourself and maybe that special someone will come along into your life unexpectedly...wow that sounds like some sort of Wong Fu video doesn't it? LOL, if you don't know who they are it's cool. But yeah. I'm not trying to say that you're wrong for doing this, I'm not saying you're right for doing this...but I am saying that you don't need a relationship to be happy and if you think that way and that's why you're prioritizing it, then that's the wrong thinking. But then again, I know lots of people who go that route and end up in healthy, long term, committed relationships. I guess this is just for me...and maybe anybody else who thinks like me...who maybe needs that reminder that it'll come eventually, naturally, in due time...be patient my friends, I'm right there running the same race you are...peace out.

Finding Your Other Half

Allow me to tangent for a bit...you know as often as I say how many times this blog has gotten me in trouble, whether with friends or whatever...it's also very rewarding as well, sometimes. By that, I mean like this blog has inspired so many people...not tryna toot my own own, seriously tho...like people have told me yo I started blogging or I started writing cuz of you. That's so cool to me. Or people I hardly speak to will message me out of the blue and be like hey, I read your blog and I just wanted to say keep it up, or they'll offer me encouragements or say like I really related to this certain post or something. That's so dope to me and it keeps pushing me to put out content. For my last post "Why Doesn't She Like Me"...this random dude I've never spoken to or even met I don't think sent me a length message pouring his heart out about a situation he went through, saying he really resonated with my post and such. It was really random for one, but after I processed it, I was like damn, that's dope and that's deep...and I truly appreciate it. Little things like that or people even just saying good job...or the comments on the picture I posted for the blog's 8 year anniversary...all that stuff motivates me to keep going...and it gives me a sort of sign to know I'm doing something right and something good. But let's move on, shall we?

I guess you can say this kinda correlates to my last post. Rewind to last Sunday at church, the seron was about weaknesses. And talking to a counselor of mine, he said well that's the kind about finding a partner, finding your other half...someone to compliment your weaknesses and to compensate for it essentially. Like imagine if me being a super lazy person, I end up marrying a super lazy person...we'd get nothing done...paying the bills, doing chores...it'd never get done. I thought abaout it more and more...now it doesn't necessarily have to be complimentary or 'opposite' in all aspects...I think it's still okay to share the same hobbies or interests...or not, if you believe that opposites attract, either or works fine LOL. I guess when I thought about finding your other half, I was thinking more along the lines of personality wise...finding a complimentary personality to go hand in hand with yours. It's funny hearing my friends tell me what kinda girl they see me with...I've heard a bunch of things...someone motherly to take care of me, some needy that depends on me, an LG, an athlete, I've heard a wide range or suggestions lol. I think at my current state...someone to push me and motivate me to be active and not stagnant in life is what I'm looking for cuz I'm such a lazy person, I guess it's also a New Year's resolution of mine, to be less lazy and be more proactive. But seriously, think about...imagine 2 dominant personalities together...it just wouldn't work because they'd constantly wanna be the alpha. It's interesting because it's made me think about my weaknesses or things I lack or could improve on...then I try to see that quality in a partner and if and how it could compliment me. But yeah, I encourage you to do the same...whether with your current partner or with a potential partner, how do they compliment you? With that, I'll see you soon...peace.

Why Doesn't She Like Me

I was talking to this one guy who was going through an interesting situation. Long story short he liked this one girl, it didn't work...he moved on to another girl right away, it didn't work out. Now when I say it didn't work out, what I really mean is they didn't feel the same way that he did. He was like man, it's the same thing...I did everything right, she should've liked me, I don't understand. Now again, I don't wanna make it seem like I'm frickin Dumbledore or I'm some all knowing wise dude who's been through life and back...but there are some things that I'm pretty experienced in, I guess I would say this is one of those things. But anyways...the guy went on and he was like I was a nice guy, I said all the right things, I was a gentleman, I paid for the food, we went on multiple dates...what happened, she should like me right. Wrong my friend. I used to think that way as well...like completing a level in a video game...if you complete enough achievements, it should get you to the next level (probs a bad example, but it's all I can think of atm), but life doesn't work that way. You can do 'all the right things'...but simply...it's just not there. What's not there you ask? It could be a bunch of things...chemistry, she doesn't see you in that way, maybe she\s just not ready...but I've grown to learn that 'it just not being there' is a pretty viable reason. Sometimes you're just not feeling it, y'feel? As I was talking to this guy, he made it seem like the girl owed him something...whether an explanation or during the time some sort of response of affection. Bro, lemme tell you...I've gotten to the point where I've been on dates with girls, been a nice guy, made them laugh, paid the bill, took them home and that was it...never texted or saw them ever again...why, cuz it just wasn't there. And that's the thing I feel he wasn't understanding. That just cuz you seemingly 'do all the right things' doesn't mean you're guaranteed something in return, nor does it mean she owes you something either. I felt for him, cuz it sucks when someone you like doesn't like you back...but it also takes a man to realize that if it's not there, it's not there and to respect her boundaries. Last thing I'll say is that the worst thing you can probs do is become bitter towards that person because they didn't like you, or even worse become bitter in general because you feel you were entitled to something you weren't.

Hello 2018

HAPPY NEW YEAR GUYS! So clearly I suck at keeping my word...I couldn't even blog for like 3 days straight. But since we couldn't end the year off strong, let's start it off strong. You know what's weird...looking back at this years volume of posts. Literally every year since 2011, the amount of posts each year has gotten lower and lower. Now I know part of that first half is cuz I stressed quality over quantity, but I think these last 2 maybe 3 years...I've simply been slacking...In 2015 I put out 152 posts, in 2016 I put out 132 posts and this year...I barely cracked 100 as I only put out 104 posts this year...dang. The pessimistic side of me asks myself what am I doing with this blog, where do I even see it going...that after putting out about 100 posts last year, it'll only get lower and lower...and this is the beginning of the end for the blog. But the other part of me really wants to get back to putting effort and passion into this blog. It's interesting reading old posts or reading those notifications facebook gives you about what you posted on this day however many years ago. This last time last year, I was still in school...finishing up my last semester. It's weird when you're in school...the way you tell time during the school year is like every September is the beginning of a new calendar kinda you know. Being out of school since like March//April, it's messed up my schedule and just really made time go by hella fast for me. Before I knew it, it was September and all the kiddies I know were off to university and here we are in January, halfway through their school year. 2017 for me...felt really slow, maybe because the second half of the year was slow, I didn't start working until near the end of the year...so I spent of lot of time loafting. And the laziness in me really kicked it into high gear. 2017, at least the latter part of it...for me was really about pushing myself and sometimes dragging myself to just get things done...and stop being lazy, that's literally the story of my entire life from being a kid till now. Loafting on studying, on essays, on applications, on chores..you name it. Ironically enough we were talking about weaknesses at church today and I thought about a bunch of my own...but the one that I debated (but didn't) sharing was laziness...how it really prevents me from getting things done. The worst is when you compare yourself to people who are in similar situations or lanes as you...but are fully capable of getting things done and leap way ahead of you. I would say 2017 ended up somewhat positively for me...I got a job, I applied to teacher's college...oh and I forget to mention, I really did push myself to work super hard in school and I ended up with a B average, and if you know me...that's a pretty big deal considering how laziness is my life story. So here I am, kinda back at the start...no job atm, no real direction, playing the waiting game...waiting to hear back from teacher's college, waiting to see if anyone calls me back for a job...but it's a different kind of feeling and mentality this time...because I don't feel and I'm pushing myself to not be as lazy you know. And it's the little things sometimes...waking up earlier, writing a lit of things to do down and actually doing it, really using my time effectively and not loafting or 'chilling'...cuz that seems to be my life story as well. It also starts here...because I want to make a concentrated effort to put more of myself back into the blog...cuz you deserve it...and it'll be good for me, so I won't give you any specific promises, but I'll see you soon...happy new year again, peace.

Drifting

I feel like as you get older, quality of friendship becomes so much more important than quantity in friendship. Or maybe you feel the same way right now, who knows...for me, as I've gotten older...I\m much more content having 2-3 super close friends than like 10-15 acquaintances or buddies. I've been thinking a lot about people I used to be super close with, friends who I've shared super personal conversations with and shared fun and dope memories together. But not all friendships last, and not all of them are meant to last. I have a lot of friendships that just didn't work out, we grew apart...then I have other friendships where we simply cut each other off, for varying reasons. But one thing for sure...is that when you do share those memories, conversations and such with a friend...you'll always have that, even tho you may not be close friends anymore. I have A LOT of friends who I'm still very cordial and casual with...who I'll see and ask how they're doing and some even ask to go out and catch up. But I know deep down it'll never be the same...because it just won't...again for varying reasons, BUT we'll always have those memories, those conversations and that period of time where we were super close friends. I have so many friends who I'll see and still have so much love for, but they won't be people I'll go out of my way to see or talk to on a consistent basis, isn't that funny how life moves on? I recall an old conversation with a friend. This was a girl I thought the world, we would always take late night walks at the park and just sit there for hours, talking. One look at her face and I would know if and what was wrong with her. But time and life moves on as it should...and we drifted apart. So the conversation went like this...essentially, she was asking me what happened, how and why we drifted apart. She asked me this from a very content standpoint, not in a looking to become best friends again standpoint, as we were both at a point in our lives where we had new groups of friends and we were in different stages of life, we had changed...we weren't those kids anymore who were best friends, who took walks at the park. But yeah anyways, she asked me that question, what happened...and I couldn't answer, cuz to be honest I wasn't sure. It's one of those things that slowly but surely happened. Messages got shorter, replies took longer, we saw each other less and less...no particular reason, it just happened. There was a point where she got a boyfriend as well, you know the drill...we drifted apart. She then brought up another girl...she was like the way you look at her, the way you talk to her...that's how you used to see me. And I was like damn...you're right. Now she didn't say this from a jealous or bitter standpoint...it was more of like pointing out something she noticed. And I was like you're right...in a sense, it's kinda like she replaced you, but not really of course. But it is kinda like that isn't it...whenever there's a void, we look for something to fill that void...whether you've just broken up from a boyfriend or girlfriend or gotten into an argument with a best friend or they move away. Isn't that interesting how life moves on? Sometimes it's weird...seeing your ex with their new significant other. Or seeing a former best friend with another best friend? Thinking to yourself, that used to be me...but knowing at the same time that if you could put yourself in that person's shoes, you wouldn't...because you're not that same person anymore. Life moves on, people change...but you'll always have those memories to keep you connected with the people you shared them with.

Too Much Information

Geez, I'm sorry...so much for posts every other day...literally it's been so busy, like I've literally been out and about pretty much everyday and on the few days I haven't been, people have been over and stuff...so it's been difficult to find time to blog lol, But uh, let's end of 2017 strong and give y'all posts everyday till we ring in the new year. Merry Christmas to y'all,,,or happy holidays to be 'politically correct' lol. What have I been up to lately. A lot of like family stuff, seeing friends, going out...I love this time of year...because it's so busy...everyday's back home and off work for the most part...so there\s a lot of events, the malls are super busy, but yeah. So anyways...I met a couple new people in the fast few days and it made me realize that despite being a shy person, I'm very open. Does that make sense? How can you be shy and open at the same time? Well, I dunno tbh...like I had just met this one guy...he was selling something to me, and then I started rambling about how my day went and I caught myself and had to stop. Yesterday, same thing I was talking to this guy I had met for the first time and started rambling like man, I had such a long day today, I did this and this...then I was like oh true my bad you prob don't care lol. It's interesting considering how deathly quiet I used to be...and somewhat still am but not really to this day lol. Like the more I thought about it I was like damn...there's some things in my life I used to be hella private about, hella scared to tell people...like failing some courses in university...like I swear that isn't even a secret anymore, or like I'm so open about it. Or being so open about just talking about my struggles or relationships. Don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to say oh look at me I'm so open, I'm so honest. Cuz honesty can be to a fault as well. It remind something my friend once said which sticks with me to this day...which is that I don't have to blog everything...she's like you know some things you can and are meant to be kept to yourself...and I remember that was when I went a week without blogging...because she was right, some things are meant to be kept to myself you know. But that's also become the story and theme of this blog, that it's so open and honest. That I love coming here and telling y'all everything. But I also understand there\ll probs come a day where this blog will end...but let's not end on a sour note lol...as I said, posts everyday from now till the new year, look out folks, peace.