Did You Find What You're Looking For?

I'm such a procrastinator to it's fullest extent lol, like the simplest thing like responding to a text message, filling forms, writing a blog post...some things that take like less than 5 minutes, I'll prolong and eventually convince myself to do it then and there otherwise whatever mindless activity it is will never get done lol. Anyways, so if you know me, you'll know I'm a very messy person...like clothes ALL OVER my room, on my bed...to the point where I can't even sleep on my bed, so I sleep in the basement lol. So yeah, there's clothes all over my room and on my bed...and I hate it when I wanna wear something specific and I have to search for it, it takes an eternity, and what usually happens is i push everything off the bed and start putting it back onto my bed one by one until I (hopefully) find it. You know what I find tho...the more I try to find something, the harder it is to find. And when I'm not trying to find it at all, that's when I find it and I'm like oh wow, it was here all along. Isn't that how life is like a lot of the times? The more you try to search for something, the harder it becomes to find and the more frustrated and desperate you start to feel and you try harder and it gets even  harder to find. A lot of the times it's when you aren't looking for something that it comes to you unexpectedly I\ll explain the context I'm not talking about before I explain the context I am talking about. I'm not saying you can sit on your butt and expect the things you want to just drop onto your lap, but in a sense, I am kinda saying that you know. It's attitude, it's not about having an attitude of not doing anything and letting it come to you, but not putting every single chip into that basket of searching for that one thing that you neglect everything else and kinda get lost in that one thing. For jobs, girls, whatever it is...when you let it consume you to the point of it's the only thing you think about and you make it your life objective to get it that you neglect things such as your friends, your family, yourself, your health...that's not good. Yeah it's nice to search for things like a job or a girlfriend...but sometimes...things just fall into place, you just gotta have faith. My 2 previous jobs literally fell into my lap, there were times when I was job hunting and nothing happened, I got discouraged and it sucked, I started to think it would never happen...then in one instance, I was having lunch with a friend and she mentioned the job she was leaving was hiring and she got me hired. In the other instance, my friend knew I was looking for a job and helped me get hired. In both instances, I wasn't searching at that moment...it kinda just found me you know. In the context of love...I'm not saying don't search for it, I'm saying don't let the search consume you...a lot of my friends always tell me they weren't searching for a girlfriend, they didn't expect it to happen, it just kinda did and they rolled with it. Just like the clothes on my bed, the harder I try to search for it, it feels like the more difficult it is to find. It isn't until I'm just sitting around my room or looking and digging for other things that I find it and I'm like wow, interesting. I'm saying be careful...the search can be very exhausting, time consuming and draining...don't let it consume you, sometimes you just gotta let things fall into place by themselves.

Seasons Change, People Change

Class, Grade, Lifetime

Hey friends, it feels like forever...I guess maybe cuz it has, I've been busy-ish and more recently I got sick, I got lots to catch y'all up on, in due time. I've pretty much done a post that is about exactly the same thing, but I was motivated by different things,s o I'll keep this short cuz I don't wanna repeat myself. The post is above and it's called Class, Grade, Lifetime. But anyways...I was listening to Kanye and J. Cole. Kanye said "people in your life are seasons, and anything that happens is for a reason." J. Cole said "they say everything happens for a reason, and people change like the seasons and grow apart." It just made me think about the same things that inspired the post linked above. How at some points in my life...basketball season, softball season, summers...it brings me closer to some people...we become really good friends, but then once that time is over...we kinda drift apart you know. Friends for only a class...or a grade in a sense (read the post above to understand that). It sucks I guess...thinking about those friends...how close we became during those times, all the times we shared...thinking they would be lifetime friends, but just like the seasons, things changed and we grew apart.

If You Having Girl Problems I Feel Bad For You Son

Off the top of my head, I can name at least 5 of my homies struggling with girl problems. Part of obviously feels for them because girl problems suck, all my dudes have been there. Part of my finds it funny that so many of my homies are going through girl problems and I'm not LOL...I know all these feelings and thoughts that they're pouring out to me far too well that I find it funny cuz I'm like...been there and done that way too many times fam. From my selfish point of view, it feels great knowing I'm not the one having to go through that, I'm feeling very content in my singleness at the moment, but don't get me wrong, if the opportunity comes along, I'll embrace it as well, but the selfish side of me right now is glad I'm not going through girl troubles. Then of course the compassionate side (yes i have one of those) of me feels for them cuz I know what it feels like...the amount of stress and frustration your heart and mind go through, I feel you brothers. it sucks hearing my brothers tell me about things that I know way too well from personal experience...oh, how does she feel, what's she thinking, what does this mean, what does that mean...geez, girls...relationships actually in general are hella complicated. I guess I'll leave you with this, an encouraging note to all my brothers, all of this is all necessary, it's all growing pains. Stay optimistic, stay the course, stay patient...your time will come, when the right one comes along (and she will, eventually) you know, and when she does along...hold on with all your might. Keep your head up fellas.

Choose Your Friends With Caution

I hope you guys will take like a minute just to watch this video, I absolutely love it and the message it has. I know it's been a while, another post coming later tonight.

Going Separate Ways

Sometimes in relationships, in friendships, sometimes things just don't work out. Timing can be wrong, people grow apart, people change or people are on different paths or phases of their life...and that's okay. It's weird cuz I feel like I kinda see that in a lot of my past friendships and even some current ones...no matter how hard you try to reach out or talk to people, sometimes, y'all are just going in different directions, it doesn't mean you can't be friends, it just means...well I dunno what it means, but it's different, y'all start to talk or chill less, it affects you less, you think about it less...that's like tho, I've come to accept the necessity to go through growing pains and this is one of those things. Friends or partners growing apart just cuz of all those reasons, being in different phases, going in different directions, just poor timing...and to a certain extent it's unavoidable just cuz everyone goes through different things in their lives at different times, so we all experience different stages of life at different points. But I do have hope that I will cross paths with the people that I'm meant to...that despite going in different directions, we'll eventually find our ways back to each other, in due time and if it's meant to be.

Let The Good Times Roll

Like I said, it's been a real hectic time as of late. Very stressful, somewhat disappointing, definitely exhausting...been saving this post since today is throwback Thursday, but also cuz it took a while to compile all these photos. Was going through my phone and my computer and found a bunch of photos that just made me really happy...so here's a throwback to some real happy times, I wanted to include so many more, but ain't nobody got time for that LOL, thanks for the memories.

 

To My Friend...

If this ever reaches you and you read these words, know it comes from a place of respect, admiration, thankfulness and appreciation. Never in my life would I thought I would have become friends with a teacher, let alone close friends (I'd like to consider at least). In our 10+ years of friendship, I've gotten to know you as a person, but it's been through these several months that I have gotten to know you as a friend. It's been super cool talking to you on a personal level, thank you for confiding in me your struggles and problems. Thank you for listening to me and continuing to teach me even though I'm not your student anymore. Thank you for having so much faith in me as a person and as a hopeful teacher. Most of all, thank you for believing in me as much as you do, especially when I haven't been believing in myself as of late. Thank you for encouraging me in a discouraging and disappointing times and thank you for offering to help me in any way possible just being there and knowing you support me and believe in my dream is sufficient. It means the world to me knowing you have so much faith in me and think so highly of the potential teacher that I may become. Thank you for continuing to teach me even after many years of being out of your class...for teaching me about life, growing pains, transitions, change, relationships and being a man. I really value you a a person, a friend, a role model, a teacher and someone I can look to for guidance and advice. If these words never reach you, that;s okay because our growing relationship and conversations are evidence of how much we value each other as friends. Thanks for always believing in me, truly.

Thank You For Everything

It's been a hectic time as of late, but on a really, really bright, heartfelt note...this is a thank you to my friends for giving me encouraging words and never letting me give up. BUT ALSO, this is a thank you to my friends for confiding and sharing their own problems with me, for trusting me. It's kinda like when you're married, you should still tell your wife you love her, she knows it, but it's nice to hear it once in a while. Same with your friends, they know you care and appreciate them, but it's nice to be told once in a while, so I've been trying my best to make sure my friends know I deeply appreciate them...for being there to hear me out, but also for having so much trust in me to confide their problems and secrets. Y'all know it's rare that I use names or blatantly point people out...only during particular instances, and I feel this is one that warrants it. Seriously, if you're reading this right now...tell your friends how much you appreciate them...being there for you and feeling comfortable enough with you to be so open and honest at the same time. It's been a rough couple of weeks...but thank you to the homies for simply being there, which I consider one of the most important qualities as a friend...please don't take offense if you weren't listed, it's not a competition, it's just thje people who were there for me as of late and have shared with me as of late...thank you, I appreciate you...DR, LW, TC, IM, BT, OO, HT, NW, CC, DC, AA.

Growing Pains Part 2

Part 1

Man I feel like life is hitting me all at once, it's crazy to think just a week or even two weeks ago I was relaxed, chilling and taking life one day at a time. But it's crazy that things can change literally in an instant. In the span of like a week, life just hit me in the face with the bunch of things and tossed a bunch of things on my plate. It's annoying, but I know it's necessary, it's growing pains...I and a lot of my friends are at a weird age, a weird phase of life...the transition from being a kid to an adult. We're not really kids anymore, but we're not really full fledged adults...but the transition is tough and it cmes with so much baggage and new obstacles. I know this is life and it's all part of it...but man I'm really struggling right now...mentally at least, there's so much on my mind, so much to say...so mny things that AREN'T being said. I've been really blessed as of late to have many encouraging conversations and meet ups with a bunch of people...who have been steering me on the right track and just offering me lots of encouragement and giving their perspectives and opinions which I respcet and appreciate. It's a really weird time right now...not to mention that my heart hasn't really been in the blog lately...like I still have so many posts lined up, but I'm not feeling it you know, so I'm not motivated to write about it. I'm legit trying my best to take things one step at a time...it's hard tho, lemme tell you that. But I have hope...and I know God has my back.

Dear God

I've been going back and forth for a good couple of hours with what to talk about today, with how to approach this, but in my heart of hearts I know this is the right way. God, everything is for you...and for your glory. Failures, conflicts, problems...are all tests of faith meant to produce perseverance. God I'm praying for myself and a whole lot of others...for peace...of mind and of heart. That any conflict and burden in our heart is because we truly care and love one another. God I know you have a plan and a purpose for all things...and I'm truly looking forward to one day looking back at this and laughing and being in awe of how good and great you are. I'm praying for transparency, for honesty...but all done in love and with the right intent. There's so much to say, there's so much going on...but I know that you have it all under control...and I'm 100% confident that you will come through like you always do. I really pray for peace and understanding along the way...but for most importantly everything that is said and done to be out of love and because we really care for one another. I know you will give me the right words to speak and you will provide the right timing for everything. I'm walking my faith God...playing the background because I know that I get in the way sometimes.

When One Door Closes...

When one door closes, another one opens right? When God shuts down something you had planned, it's cuz he has something better in store for you, right? Frick, it's so tough...knowing these things, knowing God has a plan for me, knowing that everything he does is for my good whether I know it or not. But when push comes to shove, it's hard putting your money where your mouth is. I don't really know how I feel right now...very pessimistic that's for sure...discouraged, frustrated, disappointed. You expect, want and hope for something so dearly and pray for it constantly...but it gets shut down...time and time again...you start to wonder if maybe this is the door you're meant to walk through. That just cuz it's something you want or think is meant for you doesn't mean it's what God has planned for you. The future is such a scary thing and I feel like I'm at an age where literally "the future is now". God, I don't know what to do...I'm struggling to find purpose...struggling in trusting and waiting for the plan that you have for me. I'm staring at the tattoo on my arm right now...the words I CHOSE to have on my body as a reminder to myself everyday...that the testing of my faith produces perseverance...I'm praying and hoping that this test, this trial, this hurdle I'm stumbling through right now will only serve to help me grow as a man and as a child of God. Despite having a plan for myself, I know you have something greater planned for me, whether that coincides with my plans for myself or not...I'm not asking for you to reveal what those plans are, it doesn't matter...I'm praying for faith through EVERY circumstance I'm thrown in that might cross with my plans. I'm praying that through every failure, rejection, stumble and fall...that my faith in you will only grow stronger and you will ultimately be glorified in all these things.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." Proverbs 16:9