From The Heart: Stress

If you're reading this....you'll know it's for you....and that this...will be my last note to you. Cuz lately I've been seeing more of you....but it's crazy how 2 people can be sitting right beside each other....and not say a word. It's not that there's awkward tension or beef (kinda?) but....we just CHOOSE....not to say anything to each other. So this...is my last note to you. Because....I've been thinking....of how close we were....or at least how close I thought we were....cuz apparently...I don't know how you feel.....but I HEAR....you view me the same as well.....but words can get distorted...like the game broken telephone. But anyways.....it's crazy....when I think....how CLOSE we were.....all the talks we've had....secrets we've shared....times we've shared. That.....as of late....it's been slowly....going down the drain. I mean....all the words we've exchanged....things we've told each other....and feelings tossed around back and forth.....that it's come to this.....where the most we get out of each other is eye contact....and if we're lucky a smile. Outside parties have heard our stories and dilemmas from both sides.....and as of late....I don't even know why i was mad anymore....I just know I'm "supposed" to be. And honestly....I don't wanna go through this blog and find what I wrote and start getting cheesed about it again. It was your fault for not trying to talk to me enough....or I dunno.....or it was my fault for blowing it out of proportion....all I know is....I'm not sure if I want to end it the way it is...or keep it going the way it is. I'm not jumping to conclusions or assuming anything...but it just seems....like you really are fine with all of this....that it doesn't seem to phase you at all. I'm tired of thinking of this...I'm tired of stressing over this....i'm tired of.....I wanna say you.....but I'm not tired of you...cuz I think of all the times you were there for me.....and vice versa.....and my friend told me that maybe I should just leave you alone...but still be there....and when you need me...you'll come to me. But i debated.....is she really going to need me.....I mean like....really? She has at least a million friends just like me....so what makes me any special. I have all these thoughts and words in my head right now that I wnana write....but as I continue these rants...I feel like I always lose track of what I want to say. I'll just conclude....my saying that....I can't believe....you were such a big part of my life....and now we're strangers.....peers....but I'm done with all this.....done with all the going around asking how you feel....tired of your friends asking me to do stuff....and seeing how I feel.....I'm just gonna go with the flow....and I put this all in God's hands....that whatever happens happens....cuz it seems like the future....has a lot in store....and I'm not sure what's going to happen....from my pastor leaving....to all my friends leaving for university.....that's just too much to handle....and you.....being the center of all this...somehow everything just reminds me of you and all this....and all we've been through...ALLL the ups....and ALL the downs.....i know that's how strong friendships are built...but sometimes...it's so hard.....and I know that you fight for the people you care for....but sometimes it just doesn't seem worth it. I put this all into God's hands....that he has a plan for you and me......and perhaps one day...we'll meet in the middle.....and when that day comes...I'll be ready for you.