Get To The Point

I feel like being brief and concise is definitely a skill and a good one at that. I have a tendency to like ramble, tell stories and get hella off topic LOL that's just me. Some of y'all like that on the blog, some of y'all don't...similarly some of y'all like long posts whereas some of y'all prefer short posts. Lately I've been in the mindset of trrying to be brief and concise, like I was writing a post yesterday and I kinda stopped midway and was like yo what're you even saying, like it feels like you're just talking out of your butt. So I stopped and decided not to finish the post, now this happens kinda often where I'll be writing a post midway or just starting and I find myself like going on a tangent or talking randomly and I'll be like BRO just get to the point. Like I know for myself, when I see long articles or posts, immediately I'm like damn let\s try to find the important parts. Or an even better example, when you click on like a 10+ minute youtube video and you go to the comments to look for where the part of the video you're looking for actually starts. That's kinda how I feel with my blog posts lately...like I still love to tell stories, ramble and just talk to y'all...but I've really been trying to just be concise and keep things brief and like get to the point lol. We had this assignment for one of my classes where we had to write a letter to an organization and my prof is like okay, you have to include a bunch of information and stuff but you have to keep it brief in like 1-2 pages cuz often times, the people that are going to read your letter will literally stop after the word limit they assigned. So our assignment was like 200 words or something, so my prof was like yeah, if you go over 200 words, they'll literally stop reading. Now I ended up doing really well on the assignment (tiny flex) and she was like yo you did a really good job or being brief and concise and including the most important and relevant information, she's like I had no problems reading your letter and understanding exactly what it was you were talking about. After that I started leaning towards like trying to be concise with my posts, maybe not like hella brief but like get tot he point lol. There's plenty of times where I'll be in conversations with people and I'm just like okay, how is this relevant or whatever, just get to the point LOL...so in my head I'm just like I bet people probably feel a similar way to my posts LOL, or maybe not, who knows. Continuing on this idea of being brief and concise tho, it kinda plays into the reasoning behind why I prefer in person conversation above all else, like I hate phone calls and I'm starting to dislike text conversastions but I used to love it. I'm not saying texting in general, but like when you go back and forth with somebody like I hate that lol...in that situation I'd prefer a phone call or I'll send voice notes if I have a lot to say. But again, back in my Interpersonal Communications class, all those non verbal cues are so important in a conversation...body language, eye contact, engagement...it tells me okay they're invested or they're listening to what I'm saying, I can continue. But there's also plenty of times where I'll read someone's body language and it's like okay they clearly don't give a damn about what I'm saying so I'll like get to the point or just stop talking completely lol. Other than that, I hope y'all are doing well...is it just me or does January already feel like it's been hella long, maybe that's just me lol. I'll see y'all soon lol, peace.

An Encouragement From Me To You...

Hey friends. how\re y'all doing? Crazy how we're about 2 weeks into the new year and this thing doesn't feel like its anywhere close to being done. Especially now that we're going back into like a strict lockdown, it literally feels like we're back in March/April, everyone's at home, everything's closed and you're only really going out if you have to. I'm starting school tomorrow and it's my last semester before I graduate in April or whenever convocation is lol. With that all being said, I'm reminded of one of my classes where this girl literally broke down saying how she's so busy and there's so much on her plate from work, family, kids and stuff and she's still expected to like grind in school and complete all these assignments on time and such. All of this kinda just really hit me...cuz I mean I definitely felt exhausted but I can also manage my time and own mental health pretty well and I know when to take a step back and like breathe. But I understand not everybody knows or can do that. So I just wanted to remind y'all and send y\all a little encouragement...to really take care of yourself. Nothing, and I truly mean NOTHING is more important than your own personal health. No matter how busy it is at work or school, make sure you set aside time for yourself, check in and ask yourself how you're doing, take a deep breath, take a walk. If you're living by yourself, make sure you reach out and talk to somebody, your friends aren't mindreaders and they won't always know how you feel or if you're going through something...reach out and stay connected, being alone in these times can definitely take it's toll on you especially over a long period of time. If you're with family, friends, roommates...cherish that, it's definitely easy to get annoyed being around the same people every single day, but be thankful that you do have people around you to keep you company, check in on each other, help each other pass the time, keep each other accountable. For me, 2020 was learning a lot about the importance of self-care and putting yourself first because like I've said before, you can't pour from an empty cup. So if you're mentally drained and physically exhausted, how can you expect to help pick up and encourage those around you. I don't know if you've seen it, but there's this Marshawn Lynch interview going aroound on instagram where he tells people literally to “protect your chicken and protect your mental””. Chicken as in like money, protecting and being smart with your money and also protecting and taking care of your own mental health. I know I'm somebody that's always worried and asking everyone else how they\re doing and if they wanna talk, but sometimes you gotta take a step back and check on yourself first cuz you yourself might not be okay. There's plenty of times I'll be too busy checking up on other people that when someone is like well wait, how're you doing? That's when I actually have to ask myself and a lot of the times it's like wow, I'm actually not doing well, I'm pretty drained or I'm stressed or I'm overwhelmed. So like I said, this is just my encouragement to you, as we get the new year rolling, some of y'all are going back to school, getting back to work, chilling at home, whatever it may be, take care of yourself physically and mentally. Go for a walk, get some fresh air, check in with your mental health often, talk to a friend, relax and watch a movie. No amount of work, school or money is more important than your own health. I wish you well, stay safe, see y'all soon...peace.

Things I Learned About Life

So I was having a conversation with a coworker and she was like oh I wanna go back to school but I also don’t really know exactly what I wanna go back for. She’s like because of COVID and being locked down, I haven’t really done anything or found any sort of motivation/inspiration as to what I’d wanna go back to school for. To which I was like well don’t say that, sometimes I find motivation and inspiration just through the conversations and interactions that I have with the people around me. And that got me thinking…in my case at least, I haven’t really been doing much during these times aside from like work, school and hanging out with friends every now and then. The thought definitely crossed my mind of like damn, well since I’m not doing anything there’s gonna be nothing to blog about lol, but then the more I thought about it I was like yo…I’d say a good majority of the posts on this blog aren’t inspired by things that I’ve done or events thatI’ve been to…but rather conversations and interactions that I’d had with friends, coworkers, teachers, you name it. Now let’s go back to the conversation I was having with my coworker, now she’s still pretty young so this is the advice I gave her. I was like it’s really cliché to say, but experience is really one of if not the greatest teachers of life. What I meant by that is just like by living life, doing things, putting yourself out there, exposing yourself to new and different situations…those are all learning experiences. So I told her I’m like don’t say you haven’t been doing anything or you feel like you’re not getting any inspiration. Once you sit and really reflect on the conversations you have with your friends, the interactions you have with your coworkers, even just hearing other people’s experiences…all that plays into your own learning and experiences as well. So all this really made me sit and think about my own life and it’s really true even though cliché when I say that life and experience has really been one of my greatest teachers. It may be different for you, but for me it’s like I’ve honestly learned (for the most part) nothing in school after all these years. I’ve never needed to calculate the circumference of a circle, I’ve never needed to identify all of the provinces and territories in Canada, I’m not really an avid reader either so books haven’t really taught me much. And also growing up in an Asian household, if you know you know, they don’t teach you about things like relationships, sex, how to shave, all that stuff. I just kinda learned myself or through conversations and interactions with people. Things like how to talk to girls, communication skills in general, job interviews, customer service…all these things are things I’ve learned by doing, observing and also through conversation and interaction and also being able to hear other people’s shared life experiences. One of my favourite classes in school and one that I feel like I actually learning things that are applicable is a course I took last year in college called Interpersonal Communication…and it’s all about the art of communication really. Verbal and non verbal cues, being a good listener, being active and engaging in a conversation…it’s all things I’ve known but also didn’t really know and being able to learn it, see it in action and also practice it myself was hella helpful. But yeah, without rambling on too much…just thinking about my own life and maybe this holds true for you…experience was the greatest teacher for me. I was always and still am in certain situations a shy and introverted person, but when I started to put myself in uncomfortable, new and different situations, it helped me learn about life, about people and about myself most of all. The more I was able to put myself out there, have different interactions, gain different perspectives, it all plays into your growth and your learning as an individual and it helps equips you with the knowledge and skills so that you can in a way create and forge your own path with all this information. But yeah, that’s me and maybe it’s you as well…I look at my life and a lot of the things that I have learned and know today is just through living life and gaining experience. So with all that, I’ll see y’all soon…PEACE.

Hello 2021

Hey friends, happy new year! I remember back in high school or university, back when the new year hits and I'd go back to school I\d always write the date on my homework and write like the wrong year cuz you're just so used to write the previous year for so long LOL. So uh...don't know if you realized or not, but we did a little redecorating over here at the best you never heard lol. Yo lemme say that it took a solid 2 hours to get it to how it looks now, for one because I'm a perfectionist when it comes to these things and two, I just wanted it to look and feel right since I knew it would be the new layout for the foreseeable future. I've been talking about wanting to switch up how the blog looks for the longest time but kept putting it off cuz I'm lazy and I knew it would be a lot of work. In the blog's history I've only changed the layout once, and even then it still kinda stayed like witht he grey and shades of black vibes because I'm super simple and boring. Fun fact, I vaguely/hardly remember what the blog first looked like because I had the old layout for such a long time LOL. But yeah, I wanted to try something different something bold...for me at least. I know it probs still looks hella simple and boring, but that's the kinda person I am lol. I will say that a big inspiration was me wanting the blog to look like my own personal journal, so everything from the colours to the specific fonts I took a long time to think about and went back and forth a lot before making a final decision. Lemme also say I had found one layout that I absolutely loved, it was like this chill ocean sunset background and it looked dope on the computer but for some reason on the mobile viewer it looked really ugly and wouldn't fit everything properly so I literally had to scrap everything and opted for a plain background but still wanted to make it pop somehow. I'm definitely really happy with how it turned out and I really like the cursive, I wanted to be careful not to pick a font that was too messy or too hard to read. Bug enough about the layout lol, when I was sitting in bed thinking about what to write about, I was like damn there were a few posts I didn't get to write about like a look back or 2020 in review, but then the more I thought about it I was like eh, it would\ve been a whack post anyways considering how little has happened in 2020, for me at least. So I opted not to do that and instead end 2020 with a post I had been thinking about and brainstorming about for a long while...and y'all really enjoyed it and the feedback was super dope, which I'm glad. A new year of the blog means new goals, new milestones and hopefully new post ideas. A new year means more life and more experiences and hopefully y'all will stick around for the journey as I continue to document all that on this blog. For new years eve, it was super simple this year...most of my friends were busy with their S/O's, so I just chilled with a friend, got a little tipsy, watched a dope movie and brought in the new year with him and my parents. It's funny/weird seeing like memes and people be like YEAHH 2021 is our year, gonna be soooo much better...but it's like here we are still locked down and in the middle of a pandemic lol. I mean in a weird way it feels like we're back in March/April, obvs a bit more relaxed, but in a sense where like everything is closed, everyone's at home and there's a lot of uncertainty up in the air. I will say that for myself, there really is no expectation for 2021, the bar is set pretty low so I mean hopefully it's clear waters from here, fingers crossed. My friend asked me a question today and I throw that question at you..what's your new years resolutions? Or if you don't do that stuff cuz I know some people don\t....what're your goals for 2021, or just things you're hoping to get done or things you're looking forward to. A big one for me is graduating college, feels like I've graduated post secondary like 5 times (2 actually) LOL. Then of course hopefully find a job in that field and quit my current job. Other than that, I\m literally going with the flow, expecting the unexpected...that's definitely a good skill to have, as important and good as it is to be prepared, it's good to be flexible for when plans don't go the way they're supposed to. I mean look at 2020 for example...everyone has plans, things to do, vacations, events and suddenly everything changed and we all had to adapt to a different way of living. So yeah for me just kinda going with the flow but still working and grinding as hard as I can, or as hard as my mental capacity will let me in these exhausting times. I'm nervous but also excited...a new year, new challenges, new growth, new changes...I'm keeping an open mind but I'm looking forward to what the rest of 2021 has in store for us. With that, I'll catch y\all on the flip side, DEUCES.

The One That Got Away

To be very honest, I’m not really sure how to start this post. It’s one of those posts I’ve really wanted to write but also dreaded writing at the same time. I had a thought like well maybe I’ll write this in like 5-10 years when the idea of being strangers has really sunken in lol. It’s also one of those things like I’ve mentioned before, the more you talk about or write about it, the easier it is to express. I guess what pushed me to want to write this post is just thinking back on how forgettable 2020 was as a whole and how everyone is looking forward to 2021 being even the slightest bit better. I guess this is just something I kinda wanna leave behind in 2020 along with everything else, it’s something that I’ve kinda held on to and been unwilling to let go of for such a long time. If you know you know, if you don’t…well I’ve written way too many posts about this person to count lol. I told y’all how I was listening to Sam Smith’s new album and it really inspired a bunch of posts, this one in particular. He has this one song on the album called ‘Another One’, it’s just the idea that the person that you thought was the one found someone else, another one. And this is probably one of those way too honest posts, but I mean if you know me, you definitely know this particular chapter of my life lol. There’s only been one, maybe two girls in my life who I can truly say I had a significant amount of attraction towards…fancy wording I know…I don’t wanna say the “L” word cuz I’m not even sure if it was that tbh. But I will say for this one girl at least, for the longest time growing up and when we stopped talking and grew apart…I always saw her as the one and also the one that got away. Now maybe you’ve felt this before about a guy/girl or maybe you haven’t…it’s a feeling that constantly leaves you wondering “well what if?” So back to the Sam Smith song, the lyrics just hit me really hard…he goes “oh congratulations you found the one, think I can finally face that I’m not the one, never was the one.” It’s just kinda funny cuz she recently got engaged and of course the people that knew me had to hit me up and were like yooooo you see it, you good???? LOL smh, but tbh I felt really happy for her and a weird sense of relief for myself, like weird closure in a way. I don’t really know how to explain it, it’s just like ‘permission’ or ‘reassurance’ to finally close that chapter of my life, permanently. One of my boys was like bro, she wasn’t the one trust me…maybe it would’ve worked out for a short period of time, but down the line y’all just wouldn’t have meshed. My other boy was like maybe in that moment in time where y’all were really, really close friends, the stars aligned and y’all were just there for each other in that particular moment in each other’s lives…but now, both of y’all are much older, much different and things you want and things you’re looking for are different, you’re 2 different people who shared a really dope period of time in each other’s lives, but that’s it. He went on to tell me like you can never replicate that with her no matter how hard you try because y’all are just 2 different people in different life stages with different wants, needs and goals. Going back to the Sam Smith song, he says “honestly I’m happy for you, I do not wish you no harm”, and I’m truly happy that she’s found someone and something amazing. But going back to the song, “you found the one, another one.”

For the longest time, I thought you were the one that got away, and it always bothered me that I never got the closure that I wanted and I was always haunted by all these “what ifs”. I dunno if this feeling I’m feeling is closure and relief, but I also accept the fact that sometimes you don’t always get closure and that’s a normal part of life as well. It’s weird, I’ve had dreams of like sitting you down and telling you how I feel even tho we’ve had these talks a million times, but at the end of the day it doesn’t really move the needle regardless. It’s crazy to think we haven’t really spoken like that in 2 years. If you ever end up reading this, that’s cool. It’s funny cuz back in the day when I used to write about you, I knew you would always end up reading it somehow, but for some reason this time feels different, good different. But of course, it’s not like anything I’m writing or saying is out of maliciousness or like anger, definitely not, more so acceptance and understanding. But like I said in the beginning, my whole reasoning for wanting to write this post and especially saving this post as the last one of the year…is just cuz man, it’s finally time to close this chapter of my life, like really close it. Cuz there’s times where I’m sure y’all can agree or relate where you’ll say you’re over something but somehow end up going back to it later in time. We haven’t spoken or seen each other (other than that brief instance) in what feels like forever, respectful birthday messages to each other stop, all communication pretty much cuts, you got your own thing going on and I’m really trying to work on myself and move on and move forward with my life…and I can’t do that without acknowledging what a big part of my life and my growth you were, but also that that chapter and period of my life is over and it’s time to move on. Got damn I feel like I sound hella corny right now…I apologize lol I was never good at being brief and concise. Thank you for everything and to quote Big Sean “in the end all you really have is memories, I hope that you remember me”…see y’all next year, peace.

Good Vibes Only

Remember at the beginning of the month I told y'all since I wouldn't be posting every single day like I usually do that I would try to set a smaller, more manageable goal lol. Welp, we're on pace to hit 10 psots this month which when you look at the other months, is actually a lot LOL. Anyways, 2020's almost over...can you believe it? What feels like the shortest and longest year at the same time is almost coming to an end, what a way to start off the new decade am I right? 2020 for most, if not all people has largely been pretty forgettable. I know for me nothing really stands out, tbh I can't even remember anything eventful that happened in 2020. For some, 2020 has been super draining and mentally exhausting, it's been a year where mental health and self-care were really emphasized and brought to light. Whether you're working, in school, with family, with S/O's or friends, you've probably felt that mental fatigue in some sort of capacity this year. Which kinda brings me to the picture of the tweet above...I think this year, along with self-care, I've learned it's okay to be selfish with the people you surround yourself with...cuz time is limited and getting older I don't like the feeling of knowingly wasting time. With quarantine, it's felt like we've had an abundance of time to ourselves...whether it's picking up new hobbies, going on walks, exercising, or maybe a little bit of everything. Something I tried to do was reach out to people during quarantine and just go for walks, I mean there's not much else to do lol, bubble tea and walks is the move. But yeah, old friends, coworkers, homies...I've been going on a lot of walks, hanging out and catching up. As of late, I've just been really careful and cautious with the people and the energy I surround myself with. To put it simply, good vibes only lol. I've been super fortunate enough to meet some people where everything just clicks, it feels like you've known each other for years and you just get each other. You know those friends where you just look at each other and immediately get the joke, or you see them laughing and you know exactly what they're laughing about LOL. I love those friends cuz it just feels so natural and like I said, everything just kinda clicks. I've never been a fan of small talk which is why meeting new people or even dating apps can be super annoying sometimes. But when you meet the right people...and especially me being an introvert too, when you meet the right people who just naturally get you to come out of your shell it's such a dope feeling but it's also something you don't really realize until you sit and think about it. But back to the tweet...2020 has just been so draining and exhausting in so many ways that there really isn't time for people who don't add anything positive to your life...and I don't mean that offensively like if you don't bring anything to the table get away from me lol. It's more like I just don't wanna surround myself with negativity, especially in a year where so much negativity surrounds us as it is. There's that and then there's also just being careful in who you pour yourself out to, and that's not to say that you pour out to other people and give with the sole expectation to receive something back...but at the same time it is something to take note of. Like if you're always pouring out and nobody is filling your cup, you're gonna be drained, so just kinda keeping a mental note of like oh okay I'm always pouring into this person's cup and they're never really doing the same. Again, I don't want it to sound like completely selfish, but it also is a bit of a selfish mindset...I dunno, time and energy are commodities, and 2020 has not been kind to us, so in a way...for me at least, I'm okay with people a little selfish and being selective in who's cups I pour into. Like I said, good vibes only, surrounding myself with cool, chill, easy going and dope ass people. With all that being said, I'll see y'all REALLY soon for the last post of 2020...D-D-D-DEUCESSSSS!!!

 

Beautiful Sadness

Isn't it crazy how you can like hear the same piece of advice multiple times and it hits different each time, or you find yourself taking something different away or maybe even seeing it in a different way. There's that, or even like when friends tell you something or give you advice you already know. Even tho you already know it, it just hits different because of who's saying it to you. Anyways, so I came across this video on instagram about sadness and the clip was from a South Park episode which I had seen a while back, but watching it again as an adult, it hit different LOL. So one of the characters, Butters, gets dumped and is hella sad and gives a little speech about him being sad but it's more of a beautiful sadness. It just got me thinking, one of my favourite analogies to use is imagine yourself on a rollercoaster. You go up and down and it's hella fun, but imagine if the rollercoaster only went down...yeah it would be fun, you'd have a grear time, but it's that slow climb upward that builds the tension, suspense, excitement that ultimately makes that downward fall so much more exhilarating. The clip talks about having to take the good with the bad, happiness and sadness are normal and healthy aspects of any relationship. J. Cole also has this lyric where he says “to appreciate the sun you gotta know what rain is” and that's so true. It also kinda affirms my belief that any healthy friendship or relationship needs arguments and disagreements sometimes because that's a form of relief and expression. I feel like it's unhealthy if couples or friends say they never fight, cuz it most likely means you're holding stuff in which is even worse. There's probably a very small percent of friendships and couples who can go the distance without arguments and disagreements, but I\m getting off topic now lol. Yeah it sucks to be sad, but think about it this way, in order for you to be that sad something must have made you really good and really happy before. In the video he talks about being really happy that something could even make him that sad, it makes him feel alive and human...and again it's part of the ups and downs of life. I think to myself like man if I stopped talking to girls after every girl that didn't like me back, I'd be missing out on life. And it reminds me of either a saying or something someone told me where they were like the fear of rejection can be crippling. I definitely had points in my life where I was so scared of rejection, scared to be hurt that I never even tried...but if you never try you never know. You gotta take the good with the bad. The phrase beautiful sadness keeps popping into my head cuz as crumby of a feeling as sadness is, it's honestly kinda lit in a weird, sadistic way LOOOL. I love jamming to sad songs, getting hella in my feelings, especially on rainy days, writing hella sad but FIRE blog posts LOOOL. It's part of life, growing pains as I like to call it. If my life were all happy and rainbows and butterflies, yeah it'd be dope, but I feel like I'd never know true happiness. Nor would I appreciate it as much because when you feel that sadness, then something else comes along and makes you feel good and happy again, you're just like man...this is crazy lol. I was gonna keep going, but I dont wanna get too repetitive, so I'm just gonna leave you with that same J. Cole quote cuz it's been stuck in my mind this whole time...and that's that “to appreciate the sun, you gotta know what rain is”. I'll also link the video below lol, see y'all soon.