Forbidden Fruit

Before I get started, I just wanted to say it's super dope when people let me know what they think of the blog. Whether in person or online...like yo man this post was really dope or yo I really resonated with it or just I enjoyed reading it, know that I really do appreciate it even if I awkwardly respond in person cuz I'm just an awkward dude. It's also super cool when people tell me that my writing sounds like me, like they can picture or hear me saying these words or doing my stupid laugh whenever I put an 'lol'...just something dope that hit me today lol, let's move on tho.

Why are we drawn to things that we know we shouldn't do or shouldn't have or are straight up bad for us? You know how on cigarette boxes they like show pictures of peoples teeth or they'll say how many people die of smoking each year yet people will still buy it even tho it's right in front of them...pictures and words that say hey this is bad for you, don't do it...yet people still do it. Why are things that aren't good for us so much more tempting and appealing? It's like being drawn to a really bad ex or having a tendency to date assholes. Is it just human nature to want what we're not supposed to have or want what we know isn't good for us? It's crazy how concrete signs can be right in front of us saying don't do it, don't proceed, stop, turn around...yet we'll still keep walking forward like oh well...then when it doesn't work out or we find ourselves in trouble it's like welp, who would've guessed this would happen. I can't count the number of times I've had conversations with my friends that'll go along the lines of...I don't think you should do it, I don't think it's a good idea...this goes both ways, me saying this to a friend and vice versa...then one of us comes back like yeah you were right, it was a bad idea, I feel like shit now or whatever. I'll never understand the nature of why we're drawn to things we shouldn't be. I find myself now...still drawn to things, people, situations, circumstances I know I shouldn't be in...but I do, I dive head first like oh well...we'll deal with it later...that's kinda where my head's been at lately...so you can kinda guess I've been in a weird space lately mentally...which has definitely opened a lot of doors for newness and doing and just living life...but it also comes with a lot of self reflection, sometimes regret and a lot of uncertainty and confusion. But hey...it is what it is...that's not really a great conclusion lol...I'm still figuring it out myself...peace.

Hard Truths & Acceptance

Remember back in school on tests where you would have to solve the problem and explain your answer? How sometimes you'd know the answer straight up but you wouldn't be able to explain it or you wouldn't know how to get to that answer so you wouldn't get full marks...yeah, well ain't like life that too lol. I'll come back to that in a bit...but I was reading a post about 'how to make your blog more appealing' or something like that and it was really interesting lol. Obviously, I couldn't help but go through the list as I was reading and internally kinda check off what I think I had and what I didn't. The first thing the post said was “your blog is not your personal journal” LOL. He went on to say that it's okay to write about your personal life, but don't expect it to resonate with other people. He was like, it's cool to share stories and stuff, but if you make it all about you no one will care. He concluded saying that you can write about whatever you want to write about but understand that certain types of writing and subjects may not be appealing as others. That was just the first part of the article lol and it really slapped me in the face cuz I was like well shoot...that's all I do...I tell stories, I share personal experiences, I talk about my life lol. But I also thought to myself, I've built a decent community and have amasssed a decent amount of views, but at the same time all these things are things I've worried about and thought about in my head before. How It's also things I've struggled with, but come to understand and accept. Let's take instagram for example...one thing I've realized is that I don't watch many people's stories, occasionally I'll scroll through and be like oh wow I've never seen this person's stories before, let's see what they're about. At the same time, I feel like it's also the algorithm that puts the stories you usually view at the front which somewhat explains why I never watch some people's stories. But another explanation is simply...I don't really care lol. I don't care about their life, what they're up to, what they're doing or whatever. It sounds rude, but let's flip it...I post a story, I write a blog post...some people literally just might not care, and that's perfectly fine. Oh this dude's writing about his life, oh another girl experience that I don't care about. It kinda hit me after I read the post...like I wouldn't bother reading blog posts about certain people cuz I just don't know them well enough to care...unless like the title is super catchy or my friend sends it to me and says yo this is a really interesting read...other than that, solely on the basis of like well I don't even know this person and I don't really care about their life so I'm not gonna bother reading their posts or view their stories. Now let\s flip it back to the blog...something I've come to terms with is that some people just don't give a damn LOL and that's perfectly fine. Some people don't know me and don't care about me...to them I'm just some random dude who writes random shit about my life lol. So back to the whole questions on test and how they would ask you to explain your answer. A lot of times in life you find yourself asking why...and honestly, sometimes their is no answer, there is no reason. I had a conversation with a friend and I thought back a couple summers ago when I was seeing this girl for a few months. She went back to school when summer ended and things kinda just ended abruptly with no reason or explanation, that's the simplified version lol. Anyways, I remember for the longest time...I struggled with trying to figure out what went wrong, was it something I did, something I said, is there something I could've done better. I feel like I've only recently come to terms with that fact that it there might be no reason...it just didn't work out cuz it didn't work out. But that's not what this post is about lol...back to the blog...people might not read, enjoy or mess with the blog because they just don't mess with me like that and that's perfectly okay lol. I think I used to get so caught up in trying to appeal to everyone, making sure I have enough funny posts, girl posts, interesting captions and shit...but at the end of the day, if someone doesn't mess with you...they're not gonna read your stuff regardless of what you do or how much you dress it up, that's just how it is. I know that cuz I put myself in the reader's shoes and I think about how lazy I am in doing something as simple as viewing people's instagram stories, I'm definitely not wasting time reading someone's post about their life if I don't even know or care about them lol. Anyways, that's just a little thought I had in my mind I thought I'd share with y'all...it gave me a lot of closure in a weird way, that if you mess with me, you probs mess with the blog, if you don't...then the blog probably isn't your cup of tea, and that's cool too...no hard feelings...till next time, peace.

He Said, She Said: A Guide To Conflict Resolution

I don't know about you...but I've never been a confrontational person and I still don't think I really am tbh, but also...I don't really find myself in too many conflicts just cuz of the nature of my personality...I just don't care LOL. No but really, I feel like I'm pretty calm and don't really get rattled too easily lol. So anyways, I had a situation where I wasn't sure if a friend was mad at me or not...why did I think this? Well the person usually like says hi to me, daps me up and we chat a bit...I saw the person again later that day and they didn't even bat an eye to me...so I was like oh, maybe they're mad at me for something. After talking to another friend, my initial reaction was whatever...just leave it be. The more I thought about it, the more I was like you know what...I'm gonna approach him and just see what's up and how he's doing. Turns out he wasn't mad at me at all, just having a really bad day and was really out of it. We had a good talk and it was a real load off my chest. It kinda led me to this topic right now...how if I had not approached him and confronted the situation in my head, I probably would've went my way, ignored him thinking he was mad at me and then suddenly it gets weird between us for no reason. Whereas when I approached him, asked him what was up, realized nothing was actually wrong and everything went back to normal. It just reinforced to me that when it comes to really stupid beef, weird/awkward tensions and petty shit, you gotta be a grown up and confront it face first. That stuff doesn't go away, it lingers and it just makes things worse. Like I said, if I didn't appraoch him, things just would've gotten more weird cuz then I would've ignored him then he might start thinking well why's he ignoring me then it kinda snowballs, you feel? It made me start thinking about all the people we choose not to deal with and face because it's hard...bad exes, fake friends, annoying people, whatever it may be...sometimes you just really gotta grow up, suck it up, take a deep breath and face that shit head on. I think back to when I was younger...high school, heck even university...how scared and unwilling I was to tackle problems head on...nah let's let a mutual friend handle it, oh maybe I'll message them online, I'll shoot them a text and see how they're doing...nah, you gotta look at that person face to face and hash whatever it is out. I think that\s why I've grown to hate texting and talking on the phone, I feel like I've always been like that to a certain extent, but now that I'm grown...I really dislike it and much prefer face to face interaction because it's more real and it's more genuine imo. In the same way with conflicts...it's just more real and genuine when you do all that stuff face to face...because it takes a lot of courage to take that step and to stand in front of someone you may not be on good terms with. Trust me when I say I've done it all...I've broken up with an ex through text, I've quit a job through the phone, I've apologized for stupid stuff through text and stuff...that shit's just immature and the easy way out. If you wanna be mature, the bigger person and a straight up grown ass real individual...you'll face whatever it is head on, because even tho it's not the easy thing to do, it's the right thing. I can say that with confidence because I've been that dude who'd rather have conversations online to hash things out than talking to someone face to face...I've been that dude who broke up with a girl over text cuz I was scared to say it to her face...I've been that dude who quit a job over the phone cuz I didn't wanna look at my supervisor in the eye for fear of awkwardness and judgement. But part of being an adult is owning up to your mistakes and facing it head on, that's just something I'm learning...through experiences, through mistakes and through living. I wouldn't be here today typing this out to you if I hadn't gone through it myself...otherwise I'd be hella suss telling you all this without having at least experienced something like it myself...anyways, hope you enjoyed it...see you soon.

800,000 VIEWS

So I know this post is a little late, but wow...I always say I never really know what to say for these things and I truly don't. Part of me doesn't really know why I make these things such a big deal, why I go out of my way to celebrate and glamorize it lol. I think it's because when I don't really think it's that big a deal in comparison to the videos on youtube or something that get millions of views in like a couple of hours or days. But then when I get to sit back, think about it and digest everything...it's been a long and hard road to get to where we are...and I feel to a certain extent I've scratched and clawed my way to get to where I am. I never wanna say that my blog has blown up or that it's a big deal cuz I don't really feel that it is...yeah 800,000 hits is a lot, but only an extremely small handful of people have seen the blog...so the number is big, but it's always really small as well. I feel like having that kind of mindset forces me to be humble, hungry and to keep going and to stay motivated (which I'll save for another post). I'm super thankful for this achievement, but it just means we're that much closer to my goal of 1 million...something I've mentioned, talked about and dreamed about since I feel like 2011 when the blog really started getting going. We're definitely gonna end 2019 strong, I promise you that...I have a lot of things planned and a lot of things already in motion...just kinda have to keep the ball rolling, I promise it'll be super dope lol. With that, I did a mini photoshoot with my boys for 800,000 and I wanted to share with y'all some of the photos that didn't make it onto my instagram or facebook.

Finding Comfort In Discomfort

Hey y'all...so couple housekeeping items before we get to today's post. Firstly, the 800,000 is coming lol don't you worry...I was just really inspired by this post today and wanted to write about it. Secondly, man,,,one of the hardest things about blogging is thinking of a title...and also like when I post on my instagram story, thinking of those little captions are super hard and annoying sometimes. Essnetially, I only have a title and a few sentences to catch the reader's attention and make them wanna read the post. I think of myself and how quick I am to scroll past something that doesn't look appealing or catch my attention in the first few seconds, so that's definitely a struggle sometimes with blogging lol. Anyways, moving on...

So I just finished my first week of classes today and it definitely went much better than I expected. Going into it, I was super anxious and nervous cuz it's a pretty big change...I haven't been in school in like 2 years so to just suddenly jump back in was definitely scary lol. Everything from commuting, to the early classes, to having to do readings...I was not excited whatsoever. So this week was mostly introductory stuff, course outlines, getting to know the prof and vice versa...but it eased my mind in a lot of aspects, hearing about what the courses are about, who the profs are and what they expect from us. For one, college is significantly different than university...everything from the work, to the expectations, all the way down to the fact that the profs genuinely care for you and want you to succeed...not saying that that doesn't happen in university...maybe it's the fact that the classes in college are so much smaller that you really feel it more and you feel more of a person than just a number. So anyways...I was dreading this morning's class the most this whole week because it started at 8 am, meaning I'd have to catch the bus at like 6:30 and all of that just sounded terrible lol. But it turns out that my 8 am class is probably the most interesting class out of the 5 courses that I'm taking and even tho it was 8 am, I felt super wide awake and focused because the content was so interesting, the prof was super nice and engaging and the material felt super relatable. The course is called Interpersonal Communication and it's pretty much how people communicate with each other in different and unique ways and the factors that go into it. It's just funny thinking about how much I was dreading this class and it turned out to be the most interesting one. But isn't that how a lot of things are...especially things that are new, things we haven't done in a while and things that make us feel uncomfortable. It's scary at first, but once you get into the swing of it...it becomes normal. That's exactly what my friend said too...he's like once you start school and get back into the swing of things, it'll come natural. I think back to when I first started working at my current job, the first month of training...heck the first week...I wanted to quit every single day...getting up at 5 am, doing tedious work...but now here I am over a year later with the same company...that discomfort eventually become comfort, it became the norm. I was never really a good at communicating with people verbally, I still don't think I'm great at it but I've made vast improvemnts. I'll never forget standing across from my cousin on a train and looking at her feet while she was talking to me and she goes hey...my eyes are up here...you always wanna be looking at someone when you're talking to them, ever since then I always made a conscious effort to maintain good eye contact...it lets people know you're listening to them and you're engaged. I mean you can be looking at the floor and still listening to them, but your body language communicates that you're not really interested and your attention is somewhere else (learned that from class today lol). I just think about how uncomfortable and just bad I was at talking to people, but I think I've gotten pretty decent at it...which kinda aligns with why I decided to go into social work. I've been told I'm a good listener and that I sometimes give good advice, so just going along with my strengths and what I think I'm good at...I figured this would be a good path for me. I just wanted to end off with this...I was thinking back to my time as a TA with my old teacher, I admired and always longed for the relational aspect that came with teaching...what he had developed with me...I wanted that with other students, which is what pushed me into teaching in the first place...but the more I thought about it, if that's what I want, I can find that in many different careers and pathways, not just teaching, which again...is what brought me to where I am today. But man did I have some good times as a TA. I did it for about 2 years and my teacher would be like Rodmond, when you first started, I could tell you were really shy, uncomfortable and trying to find your footing, but I've really seen you mature, become your own man and find your own style and what works for you. It's super dope to notice change is yourself, but it's even cooler when other people notice the changes and growth in your that you're not too sure about. I was looking at some old messages between my teacher and I and I found this and it really made me happy lol, I'll leave y'all with that.

PS...sorry that this post is all over the place and that it doesn't even really reflect the title that well, but I tried lol, it's more like a jumble of random thoughts and things that've been going on this past week...sorry, my brain is just crammed with stuff right now and I'm just throwing it all at y'all...I apologize...till next time...peace.