We Need To Talk

What's good y'all...sorry I've been mia...it's finals szn, so it's pretty stressful right now. I told y'all I started and finished a 12 page paper that was due on Monday...worst decision ever lol...didn't start till like 1 and finished at like 6:30 with my essay being due at 7...I've done like 6-8 pages before but 12-15 was absolutely brutal lol. Yeah it's just been a real busy time as of late...got an exam on Monday, Tuesday as well as an essay due Tuesday, after that I'm kinda free till the 12th where another essay will be due then my last exam on the 19th. So yeah...it's grind time right now man. I've been trying to blog tho...I've been in a real write-y, writing kinda mood lately...but I've been so stressed and out of focus that I haven't been able to finish any of them. I started writing one Monday in bed after handing in my essay...tried finishing in on Tuesday when I was at the library and ended up starting another one and not finishing it lol....so yeah, there's that. Summer looks to be...hectic to be honest lol...summers always end up being more stressful than the school year because there's so much more going on lol...i feel it's only gonna be more hectic this year with me trying to find a full time job cuz I'll be graduating again...so come September, I won't be going back to school...which will be a super weird feeling...so I dunno how this summer's gonna play out lol...I wanna enjoy myself but I also wanna find a job, but in the back of my mind I know I  have a good amount of time to find a job because I'm not limited to just working in the summer...so pray for me with that. I just wanted to catch y'all up, I feel like it's been a while since we've sat down and talked. But uh...I'll probably be back after Tuesday unless I'm feeling super motivated to write about something...got too much work and studying to do right now...so till then, peace.

Letter To My Ex

Hey friends, you ever get that feeling of wanting to make an impulse decision, but you're not sure. Most of the time, I succumb to that impulse feeling and end up going shoot...shouldn't have done that. Well couple days ago, I felt that feeling of wanting to make an impulse decision, instead I slept on it. Woke up the next morning like wow...kinda glad I didn't do that LOL. So anyways...I went to ayce sushi today with my friends, as I was eating I was also debating whether I wanted to go to class or not lol...I ended up going to class...and it was dope cuz my prof is like whoever is here today gets an extension on their essay, instead of it being due next week, you get like the weekend and a bit to do it, which is dope. So I was sitting in class and literally nobody did the readings and since my class is a seminar it depends on class discussion, so she's like alright, since no one did the readings, y'all can leave LOL...BUT for the hour that I was there and wasn't paying attention...I wrote this up cuz I was inspired. Funny enough I started writing about something else...wrote like 4 lines then was inspired to write this and ended up finishing it in that hour I was in class...so here y'all go...this is for you as much as it is for me...not all breakups have to be bad and sour...sometimes, it can be nice and y'all can still be really good friends...so this is for you as much as it is for me, if you've ever gone through a good breakup and still have some words for your ex...see y'all next time.

Letters From My Ex

You made me stronger and I'm forever in your debt
You left a lasting impact in my life I won't forget
A chapter in my life that helped me get to where I am
I depended and I leaned on you when I couldn't stand
You were the wrong girl but I knew it was the right time
I'm grateful, so I write and dedicate to you these rhymes
I thought I was ready for you, but I was immature
So when you wanted a second chance, I said I wasn't sure
I want the best for you cuz you really mean a lot to me
I thought of you a couple days ago and it got to me
I'm glad I met you tho, you changed my life forreal
I love the honesty in telling each other how we feel
I write you with a clean conscience and a clear mind
I pray that happiness in love is something that you find
As for me, I'm truly excited to see what's next
I write this with love and title it a letter to my ex

What's Your Struggle?

Hey y'all, this is something I wrote up real quick in class yesterday cuz I was bored and literally couldn't pay attention, plus I was inspired! See you soon.

What's Your Foundation?

I've always struggled with wanting to feel accepted
I swear it felt the more I tried, the more I felt rejected
I've always felt like I was outside looking in
Runnin' a race that deep inside I knew I'd never win
I've always struggled with being open and honest
It's funny when you see this blog and read what's written on it
Being transparent is different from being vulnerable
In the same way as being patient and tolerable
I've always struggled with finding someone who understands
Someone who's present and listens and simply gets it man
I seem to always pour my heart out to the wrong people
So it makes sense when every friendship doesn't feel equal
I've always struggled with seeing God in my life
Believing in something that wasn't concrete simple didn't seem right
Being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I don't see
Everything about it somehow didn't make sense to me
But God changed my life, He changed how I viewed the world
So I'm confident that someday soon I'll find my perfect girl
I truly believe there's more to life, man I really can't explain it
I just pray one day, you too will learn and know of what His name is

TEENS CONFERENCE 2017

Hey friends, so it's been a while...and I apologize, it's been such a busy  and exhausting time. I guess before I begin, let me reintroduce myself since there have been a lot of new visitors as of late. I'm Rodmond, RT, whatever you wanna call me. This is my blog...it's a place where...where I express myself...through words, poems, rants, songs, anything and everything. It's a place where I'm extremely honest with y'all and with myself, to a fault sometimes. It's a place where I find safety and comfort, but enough with that...if you decide to come back enough times, you'll soon learn what this blog is about and what it represents. I promise most posts aren't this long, but I'm trying to cover 4 days here...so there's kinda a lot to say lol.

So some quick things, so I had an essay due today...and I had literally no time last week to do it, so I literally did an 8 page essay in the span of one day, I started at like 7 pm yesterday and finished at like 11 pm lol. What else...Drake's More Life dropped and it's literally like Take Care part 2...rnb vibes and hella emotional...it's dope. So now on to last week...so I went to this thing called Teens Conference, this christian conference that happens once a year for high school kids, but a lot of people help from university kids to people graduated and working and such. It lasts 4 days and is split into 2 two day conferences...the first two days being for grades 7-9 and the second two days being for grades 10-12. So I ended up coaching and going all 4 days like many other people helping out. So Teens Conference is something I've heard about and been well aware of since like high school...but I never took the opportunity to attend myself...for many reasons. I didn't want to, it's scary, it's a lot of hype and I had heard many mixed reactions about it. I've never really understood why it takes like several months to plan for a conference that only lasts for 4 days, but lemme tell you that a lot of work is put into this and it really shows because the conference is just jam packed with things to do and things are always happening one after another. So anyways, back in high school...most of the people I know who went to TC loved it...they would tell me how emotional it was, all the yelling/cheering, everyone just crying and being super into it, lifting their hands, making so many friends and stuff...so the thought had always intrigued me, but I guess I was always too reserved and shy and therefore never went when I was in high school. It wasn't until a couple of the youth at my church and my other friend had suggested me volunteering maybe as a coach, they figured I could be helpful and that it would be a good experience for me, so I gave it a shot. So lemme share with y'all the process of applying to be a coach for TC cuz it almost didn't happen. So I had applied and I hadn't heard from them and a couple of weeks had passed by, so I figured okay maybe I got rejected or something...my friend had said that nah that's odd they should at least send you an email saying that. So I kinda brushed it off cuz I was like oh, whatever guess it wasn't meant to be and figured I wouldn't be coaching after all. This was like a month before TC, so I'm like I've already missed the training and stuff so I had already moved on. I get an email like less than a month or around a month before TC and the guy's like my bad for getting back to you so late but are you still interested, can I call you for a phone interview, I'm like sure. Long story short (cuz this is gonna be a long post), he had said he was gonna call me and didn't end up doing so...this happened like 3 other times before he finally called me and gave me a rundown of what would be happening and what my duties and responsibilities were. So come time to meet up and plan some stuff with my other coaches and captains, I walked it and it was one of those things where it just felt like everybody knew each other you know...so I kinda just stood around like true...seeing maybe one or two people I recognized and had small chat with. Overall the planning went real smooth...one of the captains came from my church so I was boys with him so it made coming out of my shell with my other group members easier. Ultimately the planning sessions went really well and now it was just a matter of going to the actual conference itself.

So as a coach, pretty much we're the older members of the team, university and older...we kinda supervise but also guide and give advice to the kids if necessary or if they have any questions about anything. The captains of the team were in high school as well, they were to lead the team, we were there to kinda just help them if they have any problems. So I remember not getting much sleep before the conference, it ran from Monday to Thursday, about like 8 am to 10 pm each day...so it was brutally exhausting. The first day all the coaches gathered early to just talk about the rundown and how things would go, to give you a gist, there was like 20 or so teams with each team having like 12-15 kids...multiply that times 2 because 2 conferences...that's about how many kids where there. I had never been to Teens Conference, I had only heard about it all my life...so how I would explain my experience is that I was both a coach and an attendee. I got to attend and experience everything from the worship, the skits, the games, the bible studies...but I also got to coach, to interact with other coaches, to mentor the captains and see things from 2 different perspectives essentially. I literally feel like I experienced everything that I've ever heard about TC from all my friends...the cheering, the yelling, losing your voice, everyone raising their hands in worship, the games, the tears, old friends, new friends, no macking, lack of sleep, too much caffeine...anything and everything I've heard about TC I feel I got to experience.

Lastly I just wanna share some moments that really highlighted my experience at TC...one was obviously experiencing the worship and media skits...I even skipped the last coaches meeting during the last day because I wanted to experience the entire thing (my coaches said it was cool, they had my back lol). Another would be literally cheering so loud that my voice was so done, I didn't lose it but my throat hurt and it sounded funny lol. NO MACKING is actually a thing...LOL. They have this rule called no macking...essentially no flirting...I died when I first heard the rule...IT'S A THING FAM. I really enjoyed the many coaches meetings and debriefings...getting to talk to, pray and sahre with other christians around my age was really cool. The one biggest standout from TC was when I got the chance to counsel a kid. He shared with me his struggles in life and in christianity, I got the chance to pray for him and he broke down crying...he hugged me and he held on so tight it felt like he didn't wanna let go. He adamantly wanted to keep in contact, so we exchanged emails and we've been emailing since. I ended up meeting his older sister and it turns out she was a coach for the senor conference and I got to have a nice chat with her about just her brother and the things that we talked about and such. It's kind of a long story in itself as well because I almost didn't end up counseling cuz I went through the wrong door and he sat back down but he ended up finding me, so it kinda all worked out somehow. One thing I'll say it I was kinda nervous that's for sure, lowkey hoping no one from my team would go so I wouldn't have to counsel. It's different than just like talking to a friend or giving my younger friends advice...more pressure for some reason lol. Btw shoutout to my boy Lobster who's right beside me taking pictures of me as I'm writing this post lol.

Anyways, just wanted to say thanks to my captains and coaches for making my first TC experience just a dope one, it was super fun spending 4 days with y'all and being able to get to know y'all on a personal level. Much love to the other coaches, volunteers and attendees for making it such a memorable week. With that being said...if you made it to this point...geez, I probably wouldn't...no literally, like once I post this, I might try to reread it and end up giving up...so uh...catch y'all on the flip side, peace.

Why Do Bad Things Happen To Good People?

Hey y'all, it feels like it's been a while, I hope you've been well. I think this is something that everybody at some point in their life has asked themselves. And to be honest, I don't think there's one definitive answer that will suffice and please everybody. But this is my perspective, this is kinda how I see it applying to me and to my life...but hey, maybe you'll read this and feel the same way or take away something in the same way I have. No matter who you are, your background or your religion and beliefs...this is a question that I'm sure you've wondered before...why do bad things happen to good people. Or if you believe and feel like you're a good person, you've probably asked yourself or asked why do/are bad things happening to me? When I look around, I see friends, acquaintances, peers, strangers all around me...and I look at their lives and it seems like some of them are so blessed. Whether it's coming from a super loving or wealthy family...or feeling like some people just have everything their way all the time. It's easy to feel like man...why is my life so hard and difficult compared to this person's. Sometimes I look at certain people who have it all figured out and have it all mapped it seemingly...graduating high school and university, landing a job right away...it just seems and feels like life is good for them and it's all smooth sailing, then I kinda look at my life and all the twists and turns and hoops that I gotta jump through and I'm like man...why can't I ever catch a break? Have you ever felt that way? Sometimes it just feels like some people get everything...the best presents, the best grades, the best jobs, all the guys/girls. Again, it really makes you ask yourself why me or why not me? I'd say especially when bad things happen in my life and possibly in your life...it's easy to ask why me, why is this happening to me, it just doesn't seem fair, doesn't seem right while other people are given what seems like a free pass through life. I feel like I've had this mentality all my life...or at least it's something I've always asked myself and asked God, why me or why not me depending on the circumstance.  Before I kinda go into the next point, I just kinda wanted to say (it relates, I promise) that despite how you feel yourself and the characteristics and qualities that you have painted of yourself...your friends might view you entirely different, or entirely the same as how you view yourself. In the same way you should TRUST your friends when it comes to their judgement of your boyfriend/girlfriend, you should always TRUST them in their judgement of your character because they see you the most aside from your family and are around you when you're truly yourself so they have a good gauge of what kinda person you are. Okay, so getting back to it it...I met up with my old pastor like a week ago and I was sharing with her all my struggles in life, in church, in school...whatever that might be. I've shared with her numerous struggles in my life from some moments where I felt I was at rock bottom to all of my tattoos, so she's seen me go through a lot. What she said after was something that's entered my mind before, but when she said it and explained herself and such, it really hit the heart hard. Reiterating the titled question of what do bad things happen to good people, why me or why not me essentially...she answered me with one word...steadfastness. To be steadfast as the dictionary describes it is to be firm, to be unwavering, faithful, committed...in this case and in her answer...steadfast in Christ. Being unwavering, faithful and committed to a cause, to God. She was like Rodmond...I've seen you grow up, I've known you since you were a kid...and I truly believe that one of your strongest qualities and something that God is trying to implant into you is steadfastness. To give you an example, it's like working out or lifting weights...the more you train and lift, the stronger you get. In the sense that my pastor was referring to...everything that you see as struggles, trials, hurdles, pitstops, detours...God sees as his plan, his plan to strengthen you and create a heart that is faithful to him throughout whatever you may go through...I literally sat there...thinking about all the hard times I've been through, thinking about all the negative feelings and emotions I felt during those times...then I looked at myself then and there and really let the idea of being steadfast soak in...that God, who works for my good and his glory...wants to create in me a heart that is strong, that is firm and faithful to him...and that can't be done if everything goes my way in life and it's a straight path to the finish line. That life would be too easy, unfulfilling and lacking purpose. I don't really know how to end this to be honest, I feel like I've been rambling, but it's something that really hit me and sunk deep. So I guess I'll just leave you with this...

I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.

John 16:33

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain.

1 Corinthians 15:58

The Same Old Song

I'm reminded of this conversation I had with my friend like a month ago and she was saying that if you're always and constantly going through the same thing, it must mean that God is trying to teach you something from it, that you're meant to learn something from it otherwise it wouldn't keep happening. She was like that's something you have to figure out for yourself...maybe it's you, maybe it's how you;re handling the situation, but if it keeps happening, something has to change right. That really made me think...like it's something I never thought about, but if you're constantly facing the same situations or problems, clearly you're not learning something from the previous situations or you're not doing anything different and that's why it keeps happening. It's like writing a test, if you get the answer wrong the first time and you're given the same question, you're not going to keep writing the same answer because you know it's wrong...the question didn't change, so you have to change your answer. Or if you're doing a puzzle, playing a hard level in a video game or playing some sport...if one strategy isn't working, you don't keep doing the same strategy, you change it up...keep the things that worked or even change the game plan entirely. I guess that's kinda where I'm at...really trying to figure out what God's trying to teach me from the same situation and questions that keep coming up and changing how I approach it.

The phrase "those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it" has never been more relevant.

I Just Want What's Best For You

So I was talking to my old pastor yesterday and that inspired me to tackle one of the posts I had saved up in my phone. For one, it's dope talking to her because I don't see her that often more because she works outside of the country, so when I do see her...it's like all these nostalgic feelings and memories, as well as sharing and catching up on current ones. I just got to share with her everything I've been feeling and struggling with and vice versa...life, the future, faith, church, friends, girls, anything and everything. She's probably one of two people aside from my parents who I really look at as mentors and role models. If you'll allow me to tangent for a second, I think it's really important to have people around you who you can go to do support, encouragement and advice...and I would say especially older people...because most of the time, they're wiser and have been through similar things as you when they were your age, trust me on that one. One thing I brought up to her is the concept of faith...which will forever continue to boggle my mind...because it's such an easy concept to understand and comprehend, but something that's not as easy to apply to your life. As humans, we like having something concrete, something in front of us...that we can see, touch, feel and KNOW is real. Faith...is the complete opposite...trusting and believing in something that isn't in front of you, that you can't see or touch physically. Worrying is a lack of faith, but who doesn't worry am I right? Worrying is a natural part of life...worrying about school, friends, work, family, relationships, health, anything. Hebrews 11:1 says that faith is being sure of what we hope for and being certain of what we do not see. And that's constantly something I have to remind myself. Do I trust the plan that God has for me? Do I trust that my future, my life is in His hands? Is her going to provide for me...a job, a future, a family? Do I trust and believe that God hass someone out there for me to spend the rest of my life with? All this comes with uncertainty, but with life...every next step comes with uncertainty. That's something my old pastor told me and it really resonated with me...that every next step, every new thing comes with uncertainty and a sense of being unsure. She challenged me to ask myself if I trust God enough to know that maybe sometimes I'm not meant to know what's going on, or what the plan is or what direction I'm supposed to be going in...that's for Him to decide and lead me. The biggest and most important thing she told me was to remember that EVERYTHING that God does is for my good and His glory. So even though I may see them as setbacks, failures, trips and falls...do I trust that it is all for my good, to help me grow and lead me to the eventual finish line. As hard and as tough as life seems sometimes and as "bad" as things get or feel...I pass on that reminder to you...that if you believe in Christ and trust in His plan...everything you're doing or going through is for your good. In the same way your mom and dad love you and only want whats best for you, God wants the same, even if that means sometimes hitting a few detours or pit stops.

The Art Of Surprise

Hey friends, hope you're doing well, there's literally like a month of school left...then graduation, what's after that...lemme get back to you on that. So I'm not sharing this story to show you what a sweet guy I am ;).......LOL, but seriously tho...this was such a mission it's not even funny...but I'm glad I did it and well, yeah.  So flashback like a couple of years ago, I was in like my second year of university or something. My friend's birthday was coming up and I wanted to surprise her...she went to school hella far away and she lived on campus. So I was dang, how is this gonna work? So I came up with this elaborate plan to bus (because I didn't drive yet) to her school and surprise her. I like messaged her roommates (who I didn't know) and was like yeah, how do you get to your school and can you meet me at the bus stop LOL. So I stopped by the grocery store first to get some stuff...we had this inside joke where she would call me a pig and I would call her a bear, so I like got as many bear related things that I could find I got gummy bears (small ones and big ones), teddy grahams, this bear shaped box thingy and a handmade card. I was set, so I remember going to school (cuz it was easier to bus from my school to hers). So it was one bus to my school, another bus to this mall, then another bus that took me to her campus. So I arrive at the school and the girl I messaged met me at the bus stop and she brought her friend with her (guess she didn't feel safe LOL). So we like go to their dorm and I'm like setting some stuff up in their bathroom, a bunch of notes for her and all that stuff. We finish and finally, I'm outside her door and her roommate knocks and she's like still asleep, she goes happy birthday, someone's here to see you, and my friend goes is it ____ (her other roommate), she goes noooo, then I pop up and she like freaks out and closes the door LOOOL. She's like is this actually real, or something like that...then we kinda chill for a bit and I give her all the stuff and she reads like all the notes. She had like class and stuff throughout the day, so the plan was to just dip after chilling for a bit and giving her her presents. But my other friend who was originally supposed to come with me was like yoo I'm gonna come by too, you wanna stay and we can chill, I'm like uh sure lol. So she thinks I'm like gone already, so I'm like chilling in some building's cafeteria and my other friend shows up and we start planning a second surprise...I think we met up with her roommates again and we surprised her and she was like yoooo I knew you didn't leave LOL. We ended up ordering some food and chilling till like 11 or so. Bro, take in how awkward it was...it was me, my friend (a girl), the birthday girl and her like 5 friends who were all girls as well LOOOOL. So my friend was like hey, I might sleepover, so you might have to go home yourself LOL, I was like bruuuuuh. But then she's like nah nevermind, I'll just go with you, which saved me a 2 bus rides cuz then we just bussed back to the mall and she drove us home or we got picked up...I can't really remember lol. Anyways...yeah, that's the story...I know it doesn't really sound like a mission, but trust me when I say it was lol, it was like a rainy day too, so that kinda adds to the story and mission of it all. So yeah...PEACE.