Things I've Learned From Dating

So I originally wanted to title this 'Things I've Learned From Casually Dating' but I decided to stick with just 'dating' cuz it sounded better. But for context, these are just things I've learned and experienced through casually dating. I've also never been in a 'serious' relationship (which I might save for another post), but the word serious also depends on your perspective and how you define it. Lemme also go ahead and say that these are things that I've learned and experienced for myself, they're in no way things you have to follow or do for yourself lol, feel free to take away what you like but this is just based on own experiences, perspectives and observations. So I'm kinda in a phase of my life right now where I've just been casually dating, meeting new people, learning about life and learning about myself. Like I said I've never been in what I consider a serious relationship but I'm definitely open to it if it comes along but I'm not gonna force it which explains the whole casual dating, but yeah a short description of that for me would be like obviously both parties are committed and exclusive, you've been together for a certain/minimum amount of time, they've met my family...that's a big for one me, but ultimately it's really just a feeling. I think this is def something I'll save for a future post, it's definitely a feeling an varies from person to person. But back to the topic at hand, things I've learned from casually dating. I think it's extremely important to know what you want...whether that's a relationship, meeting new people, something casual or just chilling...make it known so you're not wasting each others time. Another extremely important thing is to communicate with one another...is this potentially serious or casual, are we seeing other people, do we wanna go on a second date or not? It goes back tot he first point about not wasting each others time. BUT I also understand like oh if things just don't work out, you had a bad time, I understand if you're like well I don't owe it to the person to explain myself...yes I do get that, but I think it's also nice to not be left in the dark. Like I've been on both sides where I've been ghosted and I've ghosted people, I think it's the mature and respectful thing to do to let people know it didn't work out, doesn't have to be super elaborate and descriptive, but it's like a courteous thing to do, but I get it's not for everybody The next thing is to also have fun with it, be yourself, it's all a learning experience at the end of the day. It's one of those things where the more dates I went on, the more comfortable and confident I became, I had like a routine but also stayed flexible to the person and the situation. It's like a job interview, it's nerve wracking at first but the more interviews you go on, the more comfortable and used to it you get. That applies to dating or even just meeting new people, you learn to communicate more effectively. Next, when you know what you want, don't compromise that. I'm not saying be stubborn and stingy like yoooo she has to like basketball or she haaas to like mac and cheese or something. By all means if that's your thing more power to you lol, like be open but if there are spectic things that you want, don't compromise that because you'll end up unhappy or vent trying to change that person. Something very specific is like I would never purposely date a girl who's a smoker, but I ended up dating this one girl then finding out later she smokes cigarettes and I really tried to like ignore it or suck it up but it really bothered me lol. Something different would be like there was a point with this girl where I knew I wanted something more serious but she wanted something more casual, I didn't communicate that and instead tried to compromise and make it work and it stressed me out and made me unhappy and I ended up ending things with her. Another example but like the flip side is there was this girl that wanted something serious but I wasn't but I kept it going trying to compromise and she wasn't happy and ended things with me. So I know I said not to compromise, but it really depends what you're looking for tbh. I will say to be open to newness, new people, new cultures, new foods...this girl was a foodie and suggested this Egyptian restaurant to which I was not feeling lol, I ended up going with her and the food was fireeeeeee, so yeah be open lol. The next thing and this is something I feel really strongly about which you may not...be chivalrous, be a gentleman, do those corny things in the movies LOL. I'm def a firm believer in paying for the first date, it's really nbd unless she tryna go to like Red Lobster on the first date and someone once told me if you can't afford to pay for the first date, you probably shoudn't have asked her out or something like that lol. But hey it’s 2021 and like I said you might feel the exact opposite. I will say that like probably 70% of the dates I’ve been on, I’ve paid on the first date. A lot of times girls will like try to hand me cash and I’m like chill it’s cool, which is nice to see rather than the *fake reach into bag* LOOOOL. There was one time where the bill came and I picked it up to look at it and the girl like tossed her carb on the table like a frisbee and said I got it LOOOOL, so I said alright bet. Most other times girls will offer to split which I’m cool with as well depending on the situation, this one girl was suuuuper adamant that everything was split down the line, we had ordered a bunch of small foods to share so that was understandable, but then we went to bubble tea and she asked to split that too lol. You’d think that would mean she wasn’t bout it but we actually went on a bunch more dates after that LOL. But yeah back to the whole chivalry thing, usually I’ll also offer to drive/pick them up and most girls are chill and down, some are more cautious like yo I don’t wanna give you my address which is perfectly understandable lol. So when I do pick a girl up, I’ll like be waiting outside my car or on her driveway to greet her and like open the car door for her. Again, to each his own but please don’t be one of those dudes who honks their horn for the girl to come out LOL. One time it was raining and I walked to this girls door with an umbrella and walked her to my car then opened the door for her and she was so shook, she’s like yo no ones ever opened a car door for me before LOL. I’m also someone who like waits for you to go inside before I drive away, just in case you know, but I do that for all my friends too, it’s something I’ve always seen my parents do so it just came naturally. The last important thing I wanna reinforce is communicate, Commuicate, COMMUNICATE. Maybe because this is something I’ve learned and really value and want in a relationship or any kind of friendship. If things aren’t going well, even if they’re going good, if you didn’t like something they said or did, if you’re feeling a way, let the person know. People aren’t mindreaders and we can’t and shouldn’t assume people will know what we’re thinking or feeling. Again I get it’s not for everybody and I’ve been in that position many times where things didn’t go well or work out and I was left in the dark with no explanation or anything lol. I’ve ghosted many girls as well just cuz I wasn’t sure or didn’t know how it maybe was even scared to be straight up and say I wasn’t feeling them or whatever, it always felt easier to just go ghost until they left me alone. But yeah all of my experiences have really taught me the importance of communication. And I think that goes for a casual or serious relationship, communicate with your partner. Tell them how you feel, what you want, what you’re looking for, all that jazz. It makes things so much easier when people talk things out rather than keeping it in or expecting the person to just know. But yeah those are a bunch of things I’ve learned through dating and I’m super appreciative of the good and bad moments because it all adds to like my lived and learned experiences and also helps with future encounters as well. So yeah, till next time, PEACE.

Sound Familiar But Hit Different

I was talking to a friend a while ago and I was like yo man I’m really proud of you, I’m really happy to see how hard you’ve been and are working and it really inspires me to want to get to your level and to the levels of our other friends. Like I love seeing y’all grind and level up in life but also like I can’t help but sometimes feel like I’m a step behind y’all and I’m playing catch up…to which he told me he’s like hey man, slow and steady wins the race and also everybody moves at their own pace, everybody is grinding in their own way and making moves and moving forward in life, but at their own pace. And I mean like this is something I obvs know, it’s cliché, heck it’s something I tell people all the time…everyone moves at their own pace, find your own timing. But it’s one of those things that you know but when you hear it from someone else, it just hits different you know. It’s like when I tell people stuff or give advice, like I don’t say anything magical or crazy, it’s things people have heard and probably thought about but sometimes when you hear it from someone else it just sticks better or sometimes even like the actual person who is saying it to you, sometimes other people’s words/voices or even maybe certain people’s words/voices hold more weight and more value…whether it’s that they’re someone important to you, you value their opinion or maybe they just know what they’re saying. When I told my boy that I felt a step behind him and our other friends, he’s like man look at you…you’re grinding, you’re working, you’re in school, you just got a car…you’re making moves dude. I don’t even wanna say it’s like downplaying my own achievements, but more they just don;’t seem as big as my other friends sometimes you know. It’s like oh yeah I got an A in class but my friend is over here buying a house or getting married or something LOL there’s different levels to it. But again, back to more cliché words of wisdom….you can’t and shouldn’t be comparing yourself to others because everyone moves at their own pace and everyone has their own timing. All you can do is work on yourself, focus on what’s in front of you and stay in your own lane and yours will come. That’s just something I needed to remind myself of, crazy how something I’m always preaxhing to others and reminding other people of gets thrown at me and I’m just like blown away lol, but yeah I’m thankful to have friends to keep me in check and like put everything back into perspective when I start swerving left and right. So till next time, peace out friends.

The Real Me

So I used to know this guy he would be like “Rodmond, I feel like every time I see you you have a new haircut or new hairstyle” LOOOL. It got me thinking like, yeah…that’s pretty true to a certain extent lol, my ‘look’ has changed so much over the years. From Justin Bieber bangs when I was really young, to spikey hair in elementary school, to buzz cut Roddy in high school. After that I learned what a fade and a proper haircut was lol, I started going to actual barbers and barbershops and experimented with like the typical combover, slick back, pompadour (the David Beckham slickback look) to even a top knot where I had a bald fade on the sides and super long on top and was able to tie a little man bun, but it’sa ctually called a top know. Then back to buzz Roddy and decided to grow my hair out again and now I have hella long hair and an actual ‘man bun’. I also dyed my hair blonde and like that definitely threw a lot of people off lol. What I’m trying to say is my look as changed a lot over the years lol. I remember when I got glasses in university, my friend was like you look more studious, like more intelligent lol. Obviously when I started getting tattoos, it gave me an ‘edgy’ look LOL, but it wasn’t super visible since it was like on my upper arms so unless I wore a tank top or rolled up my sleeve you wouldn’t really be able to see it. But now I have like 60% of one arm fully covered and that certainly adds to how people choose to perceive me. I’m gonna go ahead and say this now that this post is probably gonna be all over the place cuz I wrote a bunch of stuff down on my phone and it’s all jumbled and in random order in terms of time. I’ve def told y’all the story of when I went to this church retreat and ended up rooming with this random dude and he was like yo when I first met you I knew you had a warm personality LOOOL, first time I’ve ever heard that in my life. Most of the time, people’s first impressions of me is pretty cold and hard to approach and of course my strong rbf doesn’t help my case either and I guess maybe the tattoos can be intimidating so I hear. I remember dating this Christian girl and she’s like you know, you’re nothing like what I expected, you’re super nice and easy to talk to. And I was like lemme guess, the long blonde hair and the tattoos threw you off didn’t it LOOOL, and she’s like tbh yeah it did like I didn’t think it would work or that I would like you lol. Something I get a lot as well before people meet me is like oh I thought you didn’t talk or didn’t like me cuz you have such a stern and serious look all the time LOL. But I’d like to think that when people first meet me and have a conversation with me, within the first 5-10 minutes they usually say I’m pretty easy going and chill. I had a coworker tell me he could see me as a bouncer at a club LOOOL, I told my boys this too and I’m like yo I’m pretty short and untimidating what’re you talking about…but they’re like nah you have a really stern look and if you were serious I probs wouldn’t mess with you LOL. Ironically enough this oen kid actually asked me to be a security guard at his house party one time and I was like nah I’m not tryna get stabbed or get into a fight, I’m good. Here’s a funny thing I’ve been thinking about lately…I feel like when people haven’t met me and find out I have a blog, when they do end up meeting me I always get the feeling they expect me to be like this hella wise, Confucius kinda dude like yo gimme advice LOL. Whereas when people have met me and then they find out I have a blog, it’s like a pleasant surprise like oh I never would’ve pictured you to be so like expressive or emotional and stuff. In a weird way, I kinda don’t mind that I’m a little difficult to approach/get to know…it’s not like I intentionally do it but the fact that it is like that, it means that when people do try to get to know me they’re putting in effort and I appreciate that in a sense. It kinda weeds out the whack people who are like oh this guy doesn’t talk or oh this guy looks waste, I’m not gonna bother trying to get to know him. Just this idea of perception and how perception changes is so interesting to me….hearing people’s first impressions of me and then what they think of me now after they’ve had numerous conversations and interactions with me. Or even myself, having preconceived notions and perceptions of people but then when you actually interact with them it’s much different than you expected. I was also talking to a friend about this the other day, when you go into a new setting whether work or school or whatever, you obviously scout the surroundings and the people that are there and in your mind you’re already categorizing people into who you think you’re get along with and who you don’t think you’ll mesh with just based on your first impressions of them. But then obviously when time passes and you get the opportunity to interact with people, it all changes. I’m always reminded to never judge a book by it’s cover and even though first impressions are important to a certain degree, they’re not the end all be all and I def try to give people second changes and first impressions. Otherwise if I was hella cold and hard to approach and people saw that as their first impression and went with that, I’d probably have like 3 friends LOL. Anyways, I hope this post wasn’t too random, it def felt all over the place as I was writing it but hope y’all enjoyed. Till next time, DEUCES.

Covid Appreciation Post

So I was thinking to myself and I was like yeah obvs covid sucks and it's like super easy to complain about all these things like life being so different, stuck at home, everything's closed, can't see people...all that jazz. It got me thinking like yeah it sucks, but in any bad situation sometimes you just gotta make the most of what's in front of you. So I started thinking to myself...well during these times, what has covid made me appreciative and thankful for? For one, online classes...yeah it sucks you're staring at a screen for hours everyday but yo I don't gotta commute to school which would mean me getting up a solid half an hour to an hour earlier. I can just chill pajamas and eat breakfast while I'm in class since I don't have to turn on my camera, also during the winter that commute or walk is absolutely terrible...we legit skipped all of that. Online learning is actually hella convenient too cuz everything you need is right in front of you, exam are all online and mostly open book since they can't really do anything else. I thought about all the walks and conversations and bubble tea I've been able to have with my friends, coworkers and such. From just walking around the neighbourhoods to parks to forrests to hiking trails...it's been really nice. I've never facetimed or zoom'd or used google meets so much if ever in my life LOL. Like I've never been a facetime guy, I don't think I've ever facetimed my boys cuz it's weird and anything you can say on facetime you can just say on the phone or over text. But with covid, especially when lockdown first hit...lots of facetimes with friends to catch up, remember what they look like...and it was really fun, my friends and I played like facetime poker, remember among us? That was a thing LOL, and just like random conversation with the boys whether updating each other on life or like yo something dope happened, facetime later? Covid birthdays were a thing...whether sending friends food or drinks on ubereats or surprising friends at their doorstep 6 feet away with cake and goodies lol. Online board games or any kind of game that can be played virtually was big because there was literally nothing to do and you legit couldn't see anybody, it made it feel like you were still hanging out with your friends. Yo one thine my boys and I did was like have listening parties LOL..I remember when Drake dropped his Dark Lane Demo Tapes, we got on facetime and one person played the album and we just vibed to it LOL. Random would you rather conversations till like 2 am, watching each other eat at like midnight while others are sleeping, it was cool to see how creative we could get to still like chill with each other withing chilling with each other. What else man...oh yeah definitely saved a lot of money by staying at home, no paying for commute or gas, not spending (as much) oney on food, def bought some clothes and shoes here and there but for the most part saving money was a big one. The one thing that I wanna leave y'all with cuz it's been something I've been thinking a lot about is like whenever I've seen my friends or we make plans it's always like well what do you wanna do? To which the convo goes to like well there isn't much to do but go on a walk, talk in car, grab takeout or grab drinks or something and it's always said in like a very dejected kinda way like oh man there's nothing to do I wish stuff was open. But you know what...all this has really reminded me and covid has really reminded me that it really is all about the company and who you're with rather than what you're actually doing. It's something that I've always said to myself and others...that I don't care about what we do cuz when I'm with dope people, it'll be a good time regardless. But covid really put that to the test with everything being closed the question is always like so what do you wanna do? But yeah, covid has just relaly made me appreciative of the people around me..that I can go on a walk for hours with some people and just talk whether it's a trail or even just walking arounf the same neighbourhood until we get tired. Or like I can just sit in a car, eat food, listen to music and hang out with some people for hours. It's a great reminder that for me it's always been about who I'm with rather than what I'm doing...so yeah as much as I do miss doing stuff like movies and basketball and ping pong and stuff...I'm really thankful to be able to spend true quality time with friends just hanging out and chillin'. So with ALL that, hope you're doing well..go tell someone you appreciate them, I'll see you soon, peace.

Good Days

So I know this probably sounds weird, but sometimes I like genuinely forget I have a blog and I'm like oh yeah I gotta post something it's been like a week or whatever LOL. So that kinda goes hand in hand with me also not having much to talk about sometimes. Anyways, so I've been listening to SZA – Good Days a lot and it's such a dope song, it just makes you feel really good. She talks about not focusing on the past and present negativities, but rather looking forward to the future, looking ahead to good days. I guess especially given the times that we're living in it can certainly be hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I'm hopeful and optimistic for good days ahead. I've talked to y'allin previous posts about taking care of yourselves physically and especially mentally because it can be really draining having so much on your plate at the same time. She also talks about how her and a dude kinda fell off cuz communication just wasn't there and she says “you be heavy on my mind, can you get the heck out? I need rest now, got me bummed out” and it reminded me of this girl that I was talking to where I legit couldn't sleep lol, like it was so bad and toxic for my health that I had to cut it off. Like it got me thinking like damn how can one person have such a drastic effect on my mood and well being, like this is not healthy. But anyways the line that really stands out to me in this song is when she says “I try to keep from losing the rest of me, I worry that I've wasted the best of me on you, babe you don't care.” And I think that's something that's always on my mind, especially when you start talking to someone and you begin investing more and more of your time and yourself into them. You're (hopefully) giving them your best, so when it doesn't work out in a way it's like man that's exhausting I dunno if I can do that again or like give the same amount of time and energy that I did before. My friend once said to me while he was dating this one girl for a long while he was like hey I don't know or think I'll be able to love another person the way I loved my ex and I was like damn, that's crazy. He's like I caz certainly learn to love my current partner to that point, but man I don't think I\ll ever love someone the way I loved her. And I think back to that lyric or worrying you wastd the best of yourself on someone else. I think there's that then there's also the worry of like well what if I don't find anything or anyone better...which is scary. But then I think about the song as a whole...believing in good days to come, not focusing on the negativity in the past or the present because it's stuff I can't control...but looking forward ne believing in good days to come. I hope this all makes sense lol, if anything trust me when I say go give the song a listen...it's a feel good banger, just makes you feel nice. This girl told me she listened to it every morning when she woke up and I had already heard the song but I gave it another shot and it hit hard, I was like damn this makes you feel nice lol. Tomorrow's February, wow...January's felt hella long for some reason...but yeah, I'll see y'all next month....HAHA PEACE

The Good, The Bad, The Ugly

So I’m the kinda customer/shopper who tries not to make a scene or a big deal about anything. Like I’m the kinda person where if the server gets my order wrong, I’ll just eat it anyways to avoid the hassle for everyone. Now I’m sure a lot of y’all are like that, at least in that example, but I think working in retail has made me like hypersensitive or extremely vigilant about these things lol. Like here’s another example, my boy and I were at the Nike store a while ago and he took these pants off of the hanger to look at them, didn’t know how to put them back onto the hanger so he just threw it to the side. I was like BRO, at least try to put it back properly lol. So I took the pants and tried to make it as presentable as possible, now if still might’ve been wrong and the employee might still have had to fix it regardless of either situation, but it’s the effort and thought that counts. Like when I’m working and a customer picks up an item and just kinda dashes it wherever they please, ohhhhh that grinds my gears…but when they at least try to fold it or hang it back properly, even if it’s not correct and I still have to fix it I appreciate the effort. Working in retail and having to go through these things really reinforces in my brain that’s its not easy working customer service and we and y’all really have to deal with a lot. So I was getting bubble tea the other day and it was stuuuuupid busy., For context, there was some free delivery and pick up option for online ordering so it was packed out the bum. So there was a line to get into the store, lemme tell you it was 15 minutes before I got into the store, then I swear to you another 30 minutes to get to the front of the line and place my order then another 30 minutes before I actually got my order. So they have like a solid 6-8 people working, but they were all focused on the online orders because they had timed deadlines. But even the dude who was working the cash register for the actual customers was like overwhelmed with all the online orders coming in, like he had bare receipts in his hands so the physical line for ordering would legit move ever 5-10 minutes. So waiting for my drink like I said was another 30 minutes and as tempted as I was to go off cuz I was like yo how is this line not moving and how am I waiting like 30 minutes for 2 drinks. But I just kept my cool, kindly asked if my order was ready a couple times and eventually, I got it and dude was like hey sorry for the wait, thanks for your patience. I just thought about all those super busy days I had, all those really tiring and hard days that I had where I wasn’t feeling it and I empathized with them. It got me thinking like man, people are allowed to have their good and bad days, yeah they should still be professional but like who am I to judge or go off on someone when I don’t know what they’re going through, I don’t kno what happened to them yesterday or even the morning of. So whether it’s like a rude server, an impatient sales associate or maybe even a friend even who snaps at you…everyone’s allowed to have their good and bad days and you never know what someone is going through or has gone through. Then of course, the flip side is like well if you’re having a bad day or aren’t feeling well, you definitely shouldn’t and it’s not fair for you to project that or put that onto someone else by like yelling at a customer or being rude to someone. It’s a two sided coin for sure and it’s moreso something I’ve noticed in my own life and a reminder I try to keep in mind like when I’m a customer and things aren’t going my way, chill out, be patient, you.don’t know what’s going on behind the scenes and as an employee, yeah I have my bad days or whatever, but I shouldn’t put that onto somebody else. Hope you’re doing well, staying safe, staying warm cuz it’s getting pretty cold out there…I’ll see y’all soon, peace.

Emotional Connections & Attachments

I think I\m definitely somebody that holds on or has a hard time letting go of like emotional attachment. Like what does that even mean...well I feel like even the tiniest emotional connections that I make with someone can have a significant impact on me and it's something that I'll always think about from time to time. Whether it's an ex, a friend you don't talk to anymore, a coworker you don't work with anymore or even just a girl you went on a date with...I feel like for me, when I build or have even the smallest cmotional connection with someone, I just feel bonded to them and in a weird way they have like a special place in my heart...or mind, probably mind cuz I don\t really feel a significant way about it but it is something that I think about frequently. Sometimes I feel like I hate that about myself or see it as a weird weakness that I can't let these things go that in the bigger picture of my life don't really hold much value. Like I'm someone who's a sucker for personal conversations, deep talks, really good vibes, just sharing your personal life and experiences with one another...like I live for that stuff but I also get not everyone is open to sharing their personal life right away or at all, but it is something I'll try to pry and push in conversation cuz that's just the kinda person I am and those are the things I like ti talk about. I know I say pry and push but I swear I'm not annoying about it lol or at least I hope I'm not. But continuing on, so when I feel like I've shared a personal/intimate moment with someone whether through a real dope conversation, sharing of life stories or just really good vibes...it holds a sentimental place in my heart and it's something I think often frequently which also leads me to think of the person is is about as well. Like I'm talking about girls I've went on one or even two dates with, I'll think about that person and feel a way because we shared a real dope moment or had some really cool conversations. Or friends I don't talk to anymore, whether we were good friends for a long or short period of time...if we shared a dope moment together, it's something that I like connect to that person and it makes me think of them when I think of that moment. Like for example when my car battery died at the mall one time cuz I left the headlight on during my shift at work, my boy was chilling with his girl, he drove like 45 minutes to jumpstart my car...now we were really close friends for one summer and we don't talk anymore but when I think about that, I think about him and I get happpy and also sad. Or one friend where we spent one summer literally chilling everyday...driving range, loitering at the mall, food runs, cottage...then we argued over money and some stupid shit and we're not friends anymore...but I attach those memories to him and like when I think about it, I think about it and I can never really truly let go or erase these people from my heart cuz we shared something super dope that I hold in a real sentimental place in my heart. It's kinda weird like I said cuz even some people who are legit strangers essentially..like girls I've went on one date with but maybe we had a really good time or just had some dope conversations, I'll randomly stumble onto an old text conversation and think about our date and our conversations and it\ll make me feel a way. Which is why I have trouble like understanding how people can just cut someone off right then and there lol...whether a friend, an ex, whoever...like I'm so emotionally attached to memories and moments and shared life experiences and events that I can't just cut a person off cuz that would mean like removing or forgetting that memory that I had or that life experience that I went through and I just can't do that. I hope I'm not like rambling lol it's just something I find myself thinking about constantly...girls that I went on dates with, friends I don't really talk to anymore...people that you would probably look at me and be like they're literally no one to you lol which is true...but like the memories and moments that they're attached to hold value to me and in turn, they give that person value or it gives me a reason to like not erase that person from my life. I hope all this makes sense lol, whenever I write it makes sense in my head but I also fear that it just comes out as a jumbled mess lol. Till next time, PEACE.