A Post About Loneliness

So some people really hate silence and loneliness, like you know those people in situations where it's quiet and they feel like they have to say something to break that silence. I just wanted to say that not only is it okay to feel lonely, but its completely normal. I kinda like silence and just being by myself sometimes, I lowkey thrive in it as weird as that sounds lol. People talk about having a social batter, well that's definitely a real thing, like after a long day of being out or being around people all day, I gotta recharge and just like have some quiet time to myself. Especially with covid and the weird time we're living in, I think a lot of people have been feeling lonely and aren't really sure how to deal with it, I've have so many different conversations with friends telling me they've wanted to reach out to their exes, reconnect with lost friends and all that jazz. For me, I've kinda gotten used to it and like I said at times its rather enjoyable, not being lonely but rather being alone, there is a difference. I think that you can have a loving family, great friends and supportive partner and still feel lonely, and that's normal. Lots of times when I really needed people, they weren't there, I don't hold it against them but I certainly don't forget how it made me feel. In a way, it's made me mentally strong and content in being by myself a lot of times. Like I love quiet mornings to myself, I love going to HK cafes and getting breakfast by myself and as of late I love going on walks by myself. I'm sure y'all have flopped plans on people cuz you were tired or just wanted to be alone and not around people lol. I'll never forget one year for my birthday all my friends were busy or unavailable and I was hella sad cuz I was by mnyself on my birthday but last minute a few like random and not so close friends hit me up and asked me to chill. I'm super appreciative of those people for that but it's also a moment I'll never forget because I didn't get to spend it with people I actually wanted to. But like I said moments like these have made me mentally strong but it's also something that's not for everybody. Loneliness still hits me, I said you can have a bunch of friends and still feel lonely, even more so you can be out with people or friends and be present, but still feel lonely as well...whether they're talking about stuff you don't know or don't care about, whether they're not listening to you, or maybe you just don't wanna be there. I'm at the age where everyone around me is just more busy, everyone has their own lives, own schedules and own priorities and that's fine. There's only 2 real instances where I've felt like an overwehleming feeling of loneliness, everything else is pretty manageable or it doesn't really bother me that much coupled with the fact that I sometimes enjoy being alone. One of those instances I just mentioned was my birthday a while ago, the second one was where I was going through a situation and really needed someone to talk to andI had called up a bunch of friends and they were all busy or not picking up. Let me also set the mood for you, I was sitting in my car parked somewhere in my neighbourhood and it was raining, I just remember scrolling up and down through my contact list looking for someone to talk to and feeling like I couldn't talk to anybody. I literally resorted to an online chat and lemme tell you that was probably the loneliest I've ever felt in my life. Other than those 2 instances like loneliness is usually a manageable or an enjoyable feeling and I know that sounds hella weird LOL. I just really wanted to like normalize it because it really is okay to feel lonely or to be alone. Sometimes I just keep things to myself because it's easier and sometimes people are just too busy or I convince myself they're too busy or don't/won't care. I repeat this again because it's important, all of these things have made me mentally strong and comfortable in being alone and prepared for moments when say people aren't or can't be there for you. I told y'all I had conversations with friends who felt the same way esp with covid like yo should I reah out to my ex or should I reconnect with this old friend? I've definitey had similar thoughts or even thoughts of like wanting to meet new people thinking it would help me feel less lonely. But it really does start with yourself and your own mentality and how you approach it but again...it's not for everybody. Sometimes especially when I'm with friends and I feel lonely I'm just like Rodmond don't think like that but sometimes you can't help or control it and that's something I'm learning. I def used to think to myself or even see others and just be like don't think like that or don't feel like that, but some people really can't help it. I know being lonely can be super dangerous because I've been there and felt glimpses of it so don't take my words to heart cuz this is just based on my experiences and my feelings and how my brain operates...for me, I had to remind myself that it's normal and it's okay to feel lonely and it's also normal and okay to want to be alone, but it might not be like that for everybody, it might not be like that for you. So at the end of the day if you are thinking ot feeling like how I was, make sure at least you let one person know so they can check up on you and just so they know that you're okay. I know I said it's something that I like to kinda figure out for myself sometimes, but also understand that doesn't mean you have to figure it out by yourself, it's also okay to ask for help when you need it. But yeah, I feel like this post is all over the place because I really wanted to share my experience but also talk about it from a general standpoint but then started to feel like well not everyone thinks or reacts to these situations like me so I kinda shifted my perspective. I'll see y'all soon, peace.

Seasons Change Part 2

Seasons Change Part 1

Hey friends, I know it’s been a while…it literally feels like we’re only a few days into April but in reality April’s almost over lol. Looking like we’re gonna be spending another summer in lockdown…more plans getting postponed and cancelled, it really sucks..as much as I wanna stay positive and be optimistic and be like just gotta control what you can control…it still sucks lol. So anyways, I’ve written about this before but it’s funny how like sometimes you can come across the same thing twice and take away something different each time. So I have the words “seasons change” tattooed on my arm and it’s something that I whole-heartedly believe in, situations in your life come in seasons and seasons change, seasons come and go. I’ll link the post above cuz it’s a really good one, I really like it. So I was listening to Justin Bieber’s new album which is amazing btw, and he has this one line where he says “some people come in your life for a reason, others they come in your life for a season” and I was like damn, ain’t that the truth. I’ve always believed that but I had some doubts cuz I was like well I’ve known some friends for a looong while and then we stopped being friends, what about that? But the more I thought about it…like you know how some seasons feel shorter than others and some feel longer than others. Like we’ve had winters that lasted from like November to like April and it felt like the snow was never going to end, but it did…and Spring came. Similarly, some friendships feel like it’s forever but it’s still just a season, just a longer one if you know what I mean. He then says in the same song “some people bring you a million blessings, some people teach you a million lessons” and again it just got me thinking about all the people in my life, especially the people that have come and gone and all the memories we’ve shared and everything I’ve learned cuz in reality, even tho we may not be friends anymore, all of these people played a significant and important role in my growth. I wouldn’t be who I am without all of those so called ‘lost friends’, so I’m thankful as I am sad, but life goes on and like I said, seasons change. And I’m glad I’m a hoarder in this sense because I know I’ll always have memories and certain things, places and even people will remind me of these people and moments and memories. With all that, I’ve missed you all, I hope to get back on track…and see you soon (maybe lol).

Rock Bottom

So I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted, matter a fact I know I’ve been super slacks in general lol, just haven’t really been in the mood for it y’know. Like it feels like I =have a lot on my plate but at the same time I’m not really clearing any of it, I’m kinda just like staring at it like damn, that’s a lot on my plate LOL. So I’m sitting here, thinking to myself I should probably put out a post since it’s been a week, but I’m scrolling through the many notes on my phone and I’m like eh I don’t really feel like talking about any of these things right now. I was about to say forget it and not post today and then it hit me…I was thinking about a conversation I had with my friend literally yesterday as we were hanging out and catching up. He was telling me how he was going through a really rough time, probably one of it not the hardest moments in his lise…but despite it being hard, he was like I’m glad I went through it cuz I got to really appreciate the people that supported me through it and as well it was necessary to help me grow and mature as a man, cuz ain’t that what life’s all about? So yeah we were just kinda going back and forth, I told him about some of the hardest moments of my life and that’s kinda where I wanna bring y’all today…the fact that these ‘rock bottom’ moments are absolutely necessary for you to grow and learn as an individual. For one, whenever I go through tough times, stressful moments and hardships, I think back to my rock bottom moment and I really try to channel the emotions and feelings I felt during that time…how painful, stressed, mad, bad or whatever it was, I really try to refeel all of that…then I kinda bring myself back to present day and I’m like look, if I can get through what was the hardest, most difficult moment in my life, then whatever it is I’m going through right now is nothing compared to that. That’s something I feel I’ve always thought about and tried to preach to others, like no matter what you’re doing through and how bad it might feel right now, think about the worst moment in your life and the fact that you’re still here today…if you got through that you’ll get through this. Stressful times, difficult moments, hardships, pain…it’s all necessary to help us grow, it builds character. I always think like can you imagine if life was all rainbows and butterflies…yeah it would be dope but it’s the hardships and difficulties that make the good times so much more enjoyable y’feel? This whole pandemic got everyone feeling all kinds of ways, it certainly amplifies the negative emotions and stressors, but again just think back to your rock bottom moment…how bad it felt, how terrible you felt, how you didn’t think it would get better or that you would get better…but it did, and you did…so whatever it is you’re doing through right now, it’ll get better as well and it’s just another hurdle in your life to jump over. Stay safe, stay healthy and stay positive y’all…I’ll see you soon.