When The Blog Blows Up...

When I was younger and I first started the blog, the only real goal was to blow up. I feel like I sometimes still go through phases of wanting the blog to 'blow up',like it just takes ONE famous or even semi-famous person to tweet or post about my blog and I'm set LOL, that's how I used to think at least. I used to think to myself if the blog ever hit a million views, it'll mean we've blown up...I say if cuz honestly I never thought we'd ever hit a million views lol it just seemed like just a large and unattainable number, but we did/ I think back to a conversation I had with a friend where he straight up told me “your blog will never up”. And he didn't say this in a ill=mannered or rude way, but he wa more like people just don\t care LOL. I know it sounds rude but it's not, he's like think about it...it's a blog about your life, it's a dope blog but like why would some random person on the street care about clicking onto a blog about some dude's personal life. And when he put it like that, it really sat with me and I was like damn, you're so right. I don't offer no fashion tips or food recipes or anything of real “value” if you will, it's literally just my life and my experiences, some advice here and there...why wiuld the average person that doesn't know me care or even be remotely curious about my blog lol. In that context, I understoof and was like yeah, my blog probably will never blow up. But then I camme to this new realization...of like sure maybe the blog will never blow up, I'll never influence millions of people, but maybe that's not the purpose of this blog. Maybe the path I'm on is to influence and affect the circle and the people around me. Like over the years I've received a lot of dope messages from friends, old classmates, social media buddies who were like yo I really related to this post or I really liked this post or this post really nelped me out and those words meant the world to me. I thought o myself like yeah some people are meant to influence, inspire and encourage large crowds and bodies of people, but maybe some peopleare meant to just do that to a small handful of the people that surround you. I kinda imagine some like motivational workshop or something, just because like 10 people attend your workshop vs 100 at another person's workshop doesn't make what you're saying any less important, it just means you're only speaking to the 10 people. I kinda feel simiar to that of like well maybe the blog will never blow up and I'll never inspire the masses LOOOOL but like maybe I'm just meant to encourage, inspire and motivate the people around me and that in itself was such a dope and reassuring feeling. I remind myself of that now and it helps me to keep moving forwad, even if I can help one person who's going through a difficult situation by giving them some insight, or maybe some comfort or whatever, that's good enough you know. Again, I just think back to all the people that have reahed out to me over the years and I'm super thankful to even have this platform and have this voice for people to read, relate, laugh, enjoy, etc. So yeah, with that...I'll see y'all next week, GUEST POST ON MONDAY!

Guest Writer #37: Inner Self

#1: SpeakingMyMind 

#2: Letters To You 

#3: TC 

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know 

#6: Heartlocked 

#7: LG Slayer 231 

#8: TC

#9: G. Ho 

#10: Golden Frieza 

#11: Ghost Writer 

#12: Pink Precariat

#13: Disconnect 

#14: Daniel 

#15: Golden Frieza

#16: Someone You Used To Know 

#17: Yellow Rose 

#18: SpeakingMyMind

#19: Heartlocked 

#20: My Best Friend

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self 

#23: G 

#24: Nuji 

#25: Broccoli 

#26 

#27: Dak 

#28: Carmom

#29: Mike Bibby 

#30: B.C.K. 

#31: WG 

#32: Mike Bibby 

#33: Young Gerald

#34: Sbaby 

#35: Livelifeontheko 

#36: Kim_beee

Hello friends, I'm very excited to be bringing back to y'all the guest posts but only for the month of March! Meaning I'm gonna hit you with a guest post every week of March. So I originally thought to myself that I wanted to retire the guest posts at 50, but tbh it's pretty hard to find guest posts cuz I don't really have that many friends and the guest posts are definitely more personal and take a lot more openness and honesty which not everyone is comfortable with which is totally understandable. Which is why I wanted to end it at 40 since it's a round number and shift my focus to the Ask TheAudience series because it's definitely more casual and easier to simply ask people questions rather than having them write an entire post. But with that, if y'all are new here, the guest posts are something that was created super organically. One of my friends hit me up a long time ago and was like hey can I write a post on your blog and I was like wtf that's so random, it's my blog...but then I thought about it and was like yo, that's a dope concept, having different people write posts about whatever they choose and give y'all different insights and perspectives. And with that I opened the door for friends or people in general to reach out to me if they wanted to write a post on my blog and over the years I've been super blessed to have so many different friends, peers and the likeness write some super dope, funny, personal, inspiring and encouraging guest posts. So I hope y'all enjoy and also take the time to show some of the previous guest posts some love cuz it def took time, energy and courage to write one. Enjoy, and I'll see y'all soon, peace!

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Forward

So far 2021 has been a pretty busy year. I’m currently about to finish school and it’s been kind of crazy as I am also in the process of prepping and applying for jobs. It just feels a little overwhelming as it seems like a lot is slowly piling up. As much as it is stressful, in a way, I’m really happy that I have a goal for what I need to do after school is over. I have a clear idea of what I want to do, where I want to be and how I can get there but at the same time, I doubt myself a lot. I definitely have these negative thoughts where sometimes I feel like I’m behind or I’m not where I’m supposed to be… Something that I’ve learned about myself is that I often check up on my friends and they’ll tell me how they’re doing and somehow, I’ll just start to compare myself to what they’re doing in life even when we’re not in the same stream of schooling or work. So, I have this one buddy of mine and we’ve been boys since high school. I think he’s really successful and I definitely look to him as someone that motivates me. So, one time I had a heart to heart convo with him on the topic of work and success. I told him how it’s always a good time catching up with him but then it sucks at the same time because I can’t help but compare myself to him when he tells me how well he’s doing. He told me not to do that because we’re all doing different things… and what’s the point of comparing anyways. I’m not in a race with him or anyone. I’m in my own marathon. As long as I’m taking proactive steps to get closer to my goals then I can’t be too hard on myself. Even if it’s one tiny step closer. I know this is common sense, but you know how sometimes perspectives just hits differently when it is coming from someone you got a lot of respect for you know? But ya.. I guess what I’m trying to say is I hope you all are moving forward and getting closer and closer to your goals. Don’t compare yourself with anyone and just continue to focus on improving yourself!

The Luxury Of Closure

I feel like I'm somebody who always likes to ask why and sometime that feeling of always wanting to ask why gets me into trouble or it makes me seem like I have a problem you know. A long time ago at church, I would always wear birks (sandals) to church and these adults would always be on my back about how I'm not looking my best or something like that and it would irk me to no ends and I would always be like well what's the problem, why can't I wear sandals to church in the summer. Another instant is like when they told us we couldn't play basketball at church anymore and I was likek well why and I remember them distinctly being like why can you just listen when we tell you something, why do you always have to ask why. Like I swear I don't have a problem with authority, but it's just this need to know like well why, tell me why this is happening or why this can't happpen, why did you say this, why did you do this you know. So when ti comes to girls, and specifically girls that don't end up working out, the natural question is why, and the need for closure for me at least is like super high. And I've always been like that, whether it's girls who I saw and dated once or maybe saw and went on multiple dates with, if or when it didn't work out, there's always that need to be like well why. When my best friend didn't like me back, it's like well why and that bothered me growing up for the longest time cuz I just never got that closure. But as J'm getting older I'm kinda adopting the mentality and learning and reading a lot that well sometimes you don't always get that closure and you won't always get to know why and that's perfectly fine, you just keep moving forward. I dunno I'm always just so curious when say something doesn't work out with a girl, well why...like was it chemistry issues, something I did, something I said, someone else. But see all these things are also why I try to tell myself getting invested in things like dating apps are probably the worst thing for me cuz it's literally surface level (for the most part) and hardly ever do you really get to find out why things don't work out cuz people go ghost or just let you know it's not working out. Someone told me one time that you kinda have to go in with the mentality that she's probably talking to and seeing other people, which makes sense cuz I'm definitely doing the same thing too. But yeah sorry don't wanna tangent too much. I feel like I'm just starting to see closure as like a luxury, something that you aren't necessary owed but something that would be nice to have. Like at the end of the day, if I don't like someone, I don't really owe them an explanation as to why it didn't work or maybe there was no reason. That's kinda how I'm seeing things lately, where if say a girl goes ghost, or maybe things are going well then she suddenly uts it off, yeah it would be nice to know why and I probably would still ask...but they don't owe you anything, from my perspective like yeah it would be super dope and the respectful thing to do but not everyone sees it that way and that's perfectly fine. You don't always get closure and that's okay, you also shouldn't let it keep you from moving on and moving forward from whatever it is. The more I think about it now, the more I feel strongly that closure really is a luxury, asking why and getting a proper response as to why something doesn't work out or isn't working is always nice, but certainly isn't owed. That's just just something I've kinda had in my mind for some time, but was definitely triggered and brought to light recently lol and by recently like right now LOL. See y'all soon, peace.

The Ugly Truth

What it do y’all, hope you’re doing well, staying safe and staying sane. So I was thinking to myself the other day and I was like man, certain qualities in a person are just so unattractive that it actually decreases their physical attraction as well. The flip side to that is some people have such great and endearing qualities that it makes them look more physically attractive. Now I know what you’re thinking, bro this is common sense…and it is, but lemme paint you this picture. So I have this girl on social media that I was seeing for a short period of time and she loves taking selfies, I’m talking like posting pictures on all platforms, constantly changing profile pictures on all her socials, which is cool and all you do you boo boo. But for a split second, I was like oh damn she lookin’ good, she hella cute still. Then I kinda came back down to earth, thought about why it didn’t work out and her red flags and the qualities in her I didn’t really like and was like oh yeah, she cute but like not that cute if you know what I mean. I’m sure y’all have experienced both sides of the spectrum where you see someone really good looking but then they have qualities you don’t really like and they become less good looking, or you see someone unattractive to you but then find out something dope about them and they become more attractive. There’s like some quote where it says physical beauty is temporary but inner beauty lasts forever, something corny like that. But it really is true thoyou don’t chill with your friends because they’re good looking but because they’re dope and fun to be around. Similarly for me, I wanna find someone who has a dope personality, but obviously she still has to be physically attractive to some capacity cuz that’s just how it works, physical attraction and sexual attraction is still a thing lol. But it’s like a see saw right, some people are gonna value one side more than the other, someone might value physical attraction slightly more than personality, or vice versa and it all depends on who you ask. For me it was just a really random but powerful reminder that a whack ass personalty or like some serious red flags can make someone look really ugly. That’s all I gotta say lol see y’all soon, peace!

An Update On Life

Hey friends, I hope you\re doing well. I hope you're taking care of yourselves physically and more importantly mentally because this is certainly a mentally draining time that we're living in. If anyone knows me, you'll know I'm a sucker fpr 'deep talks' as me and my friends used to call it, personal and intimate conversations, talking about life. I feel like as of late I've been keeping a lot more things to myself, not because I want to but more of a feeling like people won't understand or won't really care lol. Like let's take me casually dating for example, I feel like that's something my friends who are married/engaged or are in serious relationships won't really get or won't really care lol so I just keep it to myself. I will say like lately I've been going on a lot of walks, mostly by myself but a lot of the times with friends and I love those conversations. Well lemme also say I love walks by myself cuz I feel better, I get to listen to music and just think about stuff or think about nothing lol. But yeah I dunno, you ever get asked how you're doing but you know the person doesn't really care so you kinda just give a half assed answer. Yeah I dunno, I'm super thankful for this platform to be able toe xpress myself and just talk to so called “somebody” when I feel like nobody is listening or like is available. And I don't just mean physically available lol, I also understand not everyone likes talking about feelings and personal shit, which is cool...but I definitely do lol. Yo you know what else is the worst...vague shit, like when you ask someone what they've been doing or how they've been and they give you super general or vague answer. Now I know it's a little different from when like someone is asking you and they don't really care so you give them a general answer versus someone who actually wants to know what's good and you short change them. So something else I've been thinking for myself especially is the amount of energy, time and thought I put into people that don't like me or people that don't matter rather than putting it into bettering and improving my current friendships and relationships or mending the ones that aren't doing so well you know. I dunno lol I'm very moody in case y'all didn't know lol...two different peoplec an try to start a conversation with me and based on who they are or even how I'm feeling at the time when they ask me will elicit a different response lol, I might be super short and simple with one and engaging and upbeat with another lol. I will say like sometimes it feels like my friends and I are on different wavelengths, maybe same life stage but like different goals or objectives. I don't really know how to illustrate it, it's like we're all running the race of life but we all or some of us take different paths and you might not see them for periods at a time but it's like oh we'll meet back up later in life you know. So what do you do in that gap period, well you find people who do match your current wavelength and vibe, so for me it's like single, dating around, figuring out life, finishing school, figuring out a career, that kinda stuff. So naturally I kinda am drawn to people or find myself vibing better with people going through similar things cuz they just get it you know. Like I've been going on walks with one of my boys and he's somebody that kinda just gets it, we'll look at each other when something is funny and just know what we're laughing at you know what I'm saying. We always talk about school, girls, life...and I love talking about that stuff so it just kinda flows naturally. And I guess that's kinda where I've been lately, just kinda going with the flow and finding the right vibe that fits. Cuz sometimes you'll be talking to someone about something and it just feels off, or it doesn't feel right. Like sometimes I'll throw a situation I'm going through at someone and it's not that their advice or what they're saying is bad, but it's like they have such a different outlook on life maybe because they're younger, haven't experienced much, were raised different or have different morals, you name it. Ometimes I'll just be talking to someone and be like damn, that's an...interesting way of looking/handling it lol. Yeah I dunno, tbh I was gonna scrap this post hallfway cuz I didn't like how it sounded and just feels all over the place. I've been in a weird funk lately so yeah if this post feels weird, I'm sorry...I'll see y'all soon, peace.

Things I've Learned From Dating

So I originally wanted to title this 'Things I've Learned From Casually Dating' but I decided to stick with just 'dating' cuz it sounded better. But for context, these are just things I've learned and experienced through casually dating. I've also never been in a 'serious' relationship (which I might save for another post), but the word serious also depends on your perspective and how you define it. Lemme also go ahead and say that these are things that I've learned and experienced for myself, they're in no way things you have to follow or do for yourself lol, feel free to take away what you like but this is just based on own experiences, perspectives and observations. So I'm kinda in a phase of my life right now where I've just been casually dating, meeting new people, learning about life and learning about myself. Like I said I've never been in what I consider a serious relationship but I'm definitely open to it if it comes along but I'm not gonna force it which explains the whole casual dating, but yeah a short description of that for me would be like obviously both parties are committed and exclusive, you've been together for a certain/minimum amount of time, they've met my family...that's a big for one me, but ultimately it's really just a feeling. I think this is def something I'll save for a future post, it's definitely a feeling an varies from person to person. But back to the topic at hand, things I've learned from casually dating. I think it's extremely important to know what you want...whether that's a relationship, meeting new people, something casual or just chilling...make it known so you're not wasting each others time. Another extremely important thing is to communicate with one another...is this potentially serious or casual, are we seeing other people, do we wanna go on a second date or not? It goes back tot he first point about not wasting each others time. BUT I also understand like oh if things just don't work out, you had a bad time, I understand if you're like well I don't owe it to the person to explain myself...yes I do get that, but I think it's also nice to not be left in the dark. Like I've been on both sides where I've been ghosted and I've ghosted people, I think it's the mature and respectful thing to do to let people know it didn't work out, doesn't have to be super elaborate and descriptive, but it's like a courteous thing to do, but I get it's not for everybody The next thing is to also have fun with it, be yourself, it's all a learning experience at the end of the day. It's one of those things where the more dates I went on, the more comfortable and confident I became, I had like a routine but also stayed flexible to the person and the situation. It's like a job interview, it's nerve wracking at first but the more interviews you go on, the more comfortable and used to it you get. That applies to dating or even just meeting new people, you learn to communicate more effectively. Next, when you know what you want, don't compromise that. I'm not saying be stubborn and stingy like yoooo she has to like basketball or she haaas to like mac and cheese or something. By all means if that's your thing more power to you lol, like be open but if there are spectic things that you want, don't compromise that because you'll end up unhappy or vent trying to change that person. Something very specific is like I would never purposely date a girl who's a smoker, but I ended up dating this one girl then finding out later she smokes cigarettes and I really tried to like ignore it or suck it up but it really bothered me lol. Something different would be like there was a point with this girl where I knew I wanted something more serious but she wanted something more casual, I didn't communicate that and instead tried to compromise and make it work and it stressed me out and made me unhappy and I ended up ending things with her. Another example but like the flip side is there was this girl that wanted something serious but I wasn't but I kept it going trying to compromise and she wasn't happy and ended things with me. So I know I said not to compromise, but it really depends what you're looking for tbh. I will say to be open to newness, new people, new cultures, new foods...this girl was a foodie and suggested this Egyptian restaurant to which I was not feeling lol, I ended up going with her and the food was fireeeeeee, so yeah be open lol. The next thing and this is something I feel really strongly about which you may not...be chivalrous, be a gentleman, do those corny things in the movies LOL. I'm def a firm believer in paying for the first date, it's really nbd unless she tryna go to like Red Lobster on the first date and someone once told me if you can't afford to pay for the first date, you probably shoudn't have asked her out or something like that lol. But hey it’s 2021 and like I said you might feel the exact opposite. I will say that like probably 70% of the dates I’ve been on, I’ve paid on the first date. A lot of times girls will like try to hand me cash and I’m like chill it’s cool, which is nice to see rather than the *fake reach into bag* LOOOOL. There was one time where the bill came and I picked it up to look at it and the girl like tossed her carb on the table like a frisbee and said I got it LOOOOL, so I said alright bet. Most other times girls will offer to split which I’m cool with as well depending on the situation, this one girl was suuuuper adamant that everything was split down the line, we had ordered a bunch of small foods to share so that was understandable, but then we went to bubble tea and she asked to split that too lol. You’d think that would mean she wasn’t bout it but we actually went on a bunch more dates after that LOL. But yeah back to the whole chivalry thing, usually I’ll also offer to drive/pick them up and most girls are chill and down, some are more cautious like yo I don’t wanna give you my address which is perfectly understandable lol. So when I do pick a girl up, I’ll like be waiting outside my car or on her driveway to greet her and like open the car door for her. Again, to each his own but please don’t be one of those dudes who honks their horn for the girl to come out LOL. One time it was raining and I walked to this girls door with an umbrella and walked her to my car then opened the door for her and she was so shook, she’s like yo no ones ever opened a car door for me before LOL. I’m also someone who like waits for you to go inside before I drive away, just in case you know, but I do that for all my friends too, it’s something I’ve always seen my parents do so it just came naturally. The last important thing I wanna reinforce is communicate, Commuicate, COMMUNICATE. Maybe because this is something I’ve learned and really value and want in a relationship or any kind of friendship. If things aren’t going well, even if they’re going good, if you didn’t like something they said or did, if you’re feeling a way, let the person know. People aren’t mindreaders and we can’t and shouldn’t assume people will know what we’re thinking or feeling. Again I get it’s not for everybody and I’ve been in that position many times where things didn’t go well or work out and I was left in the dark with no explanation or anything lol. I’ve ghosted many girls as well just cuz I wasn’t sure or didn’t know how it maybe was even scared to be straight up and say I wasn’t feeling them or whatever, it always felt easier to just go ghost until they left me alone. But yeah all of my experiences have really taught me the importance of communication. And I think that goes for a casual or serious relationship, communicate with your partner. Tell them how you feel, what you want, what you’re looking for, all that jazz. It makes things so much easier when people talk things out rather than keeping it in or expecting the person to just know. But yeah those are a bunch of things I’ve learned through dating and I’m super appreciative of the good and bad moments because it all adds to like my lived and learned experiences and also helps with future encounters as well. So yeah, till next time, PEACE.

Sound Familiar But Hit Different

I was talking to a friend a while ago and I was like yo man I’m really proud of you, I’m really happy to see how hard you’ve been and are working and it really inspires me to want to get to your level and to the levels of our other friends. Like I love seeing y’all grind and level up in life but also like I can’t help but sometimes feel like I’m a step behind y’all and I’m playing catch up…to which he told me he’s like hey man, slow and steady wins the race and also everybody moves at their own pace, everybody is grinding in their own way and making moves and moving forward in life, but at their own pace. And I mean like this is something I obvs know, it’s cliché, heck it’s something I tell people all the time…everyone moves at their own pace, find your own timing. But it’s one of those things that you know but when you hear it from someone else, it just hits different you know. It’s like when I tell people stuff or give advice, like I don’t say anything magical or crazy, it’s things people have heard and probably thought about but sometimes when you hear it from someone else it just sticks better or sometimes even like the actual person who is saying it to you, sometimes other people’s words/voices or even maybe certain people’s words/voices hold more weight and more value…whether it’s that they’re someone important to you, you value their opinion or maybe they just know what they’re saying. When I told my boy that I felt a step behind him and our other friends, he’s like man look at you…you’re grinding, you’re working, you’re in school, you just got a car…you’re making moves dude. I don’t even wanna say it’s like downplaying my own achievements, but more they just don;’t seem as big as my other friends sometimes you know. It’s like oh yeah I got an A in class but my friend is over here buying a house or getting married or something LOL there’s different levels to it. But again, back to more cliché words of wisdom….you can’t and shouldn’t be comparing yourself to others because everyone moves at their own pace and everyone has their own timing. All you can do is work on yourself, focus on what’s in front of you and stay in your own lane and yours will come. That’s just something I needed to remind myself of, crazy how something I’m always preaxhing to others and reminding other people of gets thrown at me and I’m just like blown away lol, but yeah I’m thankful to have friends to keep me in check and like put everything back into perspective when I start swerving left and right. So till next time, peace out friends.