Dear Mom & Dad

It’s been a while since one of these spontaneous posts, but lemme talk to y’all for a moment...

First and foremost, I know EVERYTHING you do for me and say to me is out of love, like true love because you want the best for me. But I don’t care about your friend’s son, daughter, niece, nephew, pet goldfish, hamster or anything. I’m sorry I’ll never be that super smart kid you love hearing your friends talk about. I’m sorry I never was that super smart kid who got hella scholarships and went to some hella prestigious school in some well recognized program. I hate that you’ll never truly understand the way I feel or the way I think. I’m sorry I’m not some doctor, some lawyer or working somewhere in the States like a bunch of your friend’s kids you love to rave about so much. I’m sorry I have a bunch of tattoos, that I like to play basketball or video games on my spare time rather than read books and study. I’m sorry that you probably don’t have much to brag about to your friends except maybe “oh well he’s a really good kid”. I hate that you might never see things through my eyes, that the things that I value or find passion in are things you don’t really get. Sorry that you always get so weird when I tell you I’m going out with my non asian friends, partly why I just always say I’m going out with church friends to make my life easier. I swear one of my biggest goals in life has always been to make you proud of me, and I hope I’ve done so...even if it’s in the slightest. But I promise that I’ll find my way, that everything will be okay for me...it just might not be the way you expect or the way all your friend’s kids are doing it, I’m just different...and I hope that you can see that and keep riding with me the way you always have, cuz deep down I know through it all you’ve always been my biggest fans.

RT

Everything Happens For A Reason

I truly, truly find it so encouraging and rewarding when people tell me that they really relate or resonate with a blog post. This is just something that came to my mind, a reminder for myself and hopefully to you...that everything happens for a reason. I love looking back at some of the most stressful and toughest times of my life, the emotions I felt, and how it was all necessary to get me to where I am and who I am today. These are just some of the things that came to my mind when I thought of stressful and tough times. Reminding me that everything truly happens for a reason.

I’ve failed courses in university
I took longer to graduate than the my program intended
I liked a girl who liked another guy
I liked a girl who didn’t like me back
I’ve gotten passed up for a job
I dislocated my knee and was in a cast for 6 months
I fell for my best friend and it made things hella awkward
I’ve grown apart from some people I thought would be lifelong friends
I’ve disappointed my parents
I’ve struggled with confidence and self esteem
I still have no idea what I wanna or am doing with my life
Sometimes I feel like I’m playing catch up, like I’m behind in comparison to my friends
Sometimes I feel like I can never catch a break

Sorry it’s been so long, but till next time, peace!

Leaving It All Behind

There’s gonna come a time in your life when you have to leave a lot, if not everything behind. There’s gonna be a time in my life where I’m going to leave this blog, my parents, my brother, my friends, everything I’ve known all behind. I was talking to my brother a couple of weeks ago, he recently got engaged and is getting married in October. He also recently bought a condo with his fiancé, so he’ll be moving out in a few months. We were talking and he’s just like yeah, in a few months I’ll be leaving everything behind. His room, some of his stuff, this house we’ve been in for so long, my parents and of course me. No more like home cooked meals, family dinners, or just going out for Timmies or bubble tea. He’s starting a new life, new chapter, new job, new environment, new everything. It made me think about my own life...where there’ll come a time where I’ll have to leave my parents, my house and possibly my neighborhood and my friends behind, to move on to something new, and you can’t do that without letting go of everything else. I never had a true experience of living on my own cuz I stayed at home for university, so it’s always weird to think about like moving out one day and living on my own and stuff. It’s crazy talking to friends who are living on their own and just hearing their thoughts...whether they like miss their family and such. One commonality is that you definitely have to make a concentrated effort to see your friends and such. Like you really have to make plans and set a plan because life just gets so busy. Think about it...working 5 days a week already consumes so much time, then there’s spending time with kids and your significant other, of course you gotta allot time for like cooking, errands and chores. It’s not that easy to just hit your friends or family up and be like hey whatchu doing lol. I guess seeing my brother getting married and about to move on really made me think a lot, for one that I’ll hardly ever see him unless I go downtown or he comes uptown. It really drove home the fact that there’ll come a time for me where I’ll also have to leave a lot of things behind. Especially if your family comes first, whether that means moving to a different city, town or even country you know. I know this seems kinda down lol, but don’t take for granted the time you spend with your family and friends, cuz once that time is gone, it’s gone. Who knows where life will take you or them, could be different paths or it could be similar paths. Some of you might be lucky enough to do life with your family and friends even after you have your own family, some of y’all might not lol. It’s a testament to growth and to becoming your own person, till next time peace out friends.

Good Friends, Good Times

I don't really know what triggered this topic lol. I was thinking about this one particular friend I don't really speak to anymore, all the dope moments we share, all the times this friend was there for me...and it kinda led me to this...just a bunch of moments that came to my mind at that moment. These are just a bunch of moments in my life where my friends went out of their way to help me out, if you're not on this list it doesn't mean you've never helped me out, it just means I couldn't think of anything at that moment lol. One thing I''ll say is that I can go on and on about all the friends and all the times people have given me rides, driven me places or given me money or paid for my meals and stuff...but that list itself is so dang long I could go on and on about it, so I won't lol.

- this one time, I had an interview early Saturday morning and I was so busy with getting dressed and getting ready, I got into the car, started driving...realized I forgot my resume LOL, I was too far from home, so I called up my friend at like 8 am ish on that Saturday and asked her to print me my resume and I went to pick it up LOL, like c'mon, it's Saturday, you wanna sleep in...I'm surprised she even picked up the call lol, much respect

- one time my boys and I were going to a friends house for a barbecue, we took 2 cars, I was driving and hit a curb and got a flat tire...literally 5 guys sitting in the middle of a street figuring out how to fix a tire, we called up one of my boys who's good with cars and we all sat there trying to figure out where everything was and how to do it, we eventually did it and had a dope time at the brbecue LOL

- when I worked at the mall, I came out after my shift and the mall was closed only to realie my battery was dead cuz I had left the headlights on LOL, called multiple friends who either didn't know how to do it or didn't have the tools, finally called me one friend who was like I'm kinda with my girlfriend right now in North York which was like 25 min away from where I was. He's like call me back if you can't find anybody else, I couldn't so this mans ditched his girlfriend to come help me jump start my car lol,much appreciated

- one of my closest boys started at as simply the plug LOL, we weren't really close but he hooked me up with a lot of stuff, my first ipod touch, a bunch of clothes I wanted and even my first pair of Jordans lol, much respect

- I remember my birthday a few years ago I was hella sad cuz I had no plans, I think a bunch of my friends were busy or away, it wasn't until super last minute like 2 different groups of friends ended up asking me to chill and I ended up chilling with both of them separately but also together, it was one of those things where someone very unexpected reached out to me to catch up and yeah, I appreciated it greatly

- I'll never forget the night I slept on my basement floor cuz I had this huge thing with my brother lol, the next day my boy took me out to run basketball with his team to clear my head and also another friend took me to dinner and we just had some god conversations, spent like a good 2 hours outside my house in his car just talking, a lot of dope conversations seem to happy when I'm in the car...

- this one time, I was either really sick or I had gotten my wisdom teeth pulled out, one or the other I can’t really remember but my friend hit me up cuz she knew I had been stuck at home for days in a row and took me out for congee and it was dope, sometimes it’s just the little things...

- this last one actually happened just last year, this one friend surprised me at my own house LOL, she brought together my church friends and my high school friends and bought all the stuff I had told her I liked like candy, chocolate, cake and even a piñata LOL, definitely a night I’ll never forget

Guest Writer #34: Sbaby

Hey friends, I know it's been a while, a really long while lol. I was debating what kinda post I wanted to do since it's been so long, I have a bunch of stuff ready for you guys and I'm gonna try to better manage my time and just write posts in bulk so I can just post whenever, all this time I've just been writing them on the day of or on the spot, but with this I can write posts whenever I have motivation and also won't love my train of thought, so yeah...with that, I'm excited to bring back the guest posts and let's not waste any more time and get to today's guest writer.

#1: SpeakingMyMind 

#2: Letters To You 

#3: TC 

#4: Anonymous Queen B

#5: Someone You Used To Know 

#6: Heartlocked 

#7: LG Slayer 231 

#8: TC

#9: G. Ho 

#10: Golden Frieza 

#11: Ghost Writer 

#12: Pink Precariat

#13: Disconnect 

#14: Daniel 

#15: Golden Frieza

#16: Someone You Used To Know 

#17: Yellow Rose 

#18: SpeakingMyMind

#19: Heartlocked 

#20: My Best Friend

#21: Free Spirit, Wild Heart
#22: Inner Self 

#23: G 

#24: Nuji 

#25: Broccoli 

#26 

#27: Dak 

#28: Carmom

#29: Mike Bibby 

#30: B.C.K. 

#31: WG 

#32: Mike Bibby 

#33: Young Gerald

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Todays thoughts for tomorrow

I tend to overthink. Hence, todays thoughts for tomorrow as the title for this. I don’t know what it is, but I can’t help but think about all the possible outcomes to every situation, every moment, and things that are going on around me. This isn’t to say I am not living in the moment, but rather I feel too deeply. I’m not sure at this point in my life, if it’s better to feel less, or if it’s better to feel in rich and vivid colours and shades, as well as deep colours. Sometimes my days are vivid as can be, but everything around me feels like black and white. This is not to say black and white is bad, black and white is beautiful. Photographing in black and white is just as intriguing, as an analogy. Rather, some times, some moments, I feel so alive, that I have never felt more rich, not in a monetary value, but as a person, whether my brain and the skies around me are all grey or coloured or clouded.

Some people see me on a regular basis and think I am full of colour, because of what I portray to the world, but deep down inside, I’m not sure what it is, that I feel. I can’t just pinpoint one emotion. We are humans. I feel more than one, so I don’t know how to pick sometimes. When someone asks me how I’m doing, I’m not sure how to answer that always, and I don’t think that’s a bad thing, but I think the pressures of society and the way our generation is, it’s somehow creeping it’s way onto me that it must be an abnormal thing. I refuse to let that take over me; I think in order to grow in a different way, you have to be able to self reflect on yourself, and I think being brutally honest about how you feel or what you are feeling is a really good way. It’s not the easiest, it’s not the cleanest, it’s actually the messiest, but it’s worth it at the end of the day.

The only problem is I might do too much self reflecting. I know that at the end of the day, I can be very blunt with my feelings, because hey that’s how I feel. Why do we feel the need to sugar coat it, or tone things down? Growing up and even throughout early adulthood, I’ve seen multiple situations where people whether close or far from me, either asked others to tone down someone’s feelings or words, or just straight out ignored what someone else was saying or feeling.

People tend to sugar coat the good, to make it look better than it is, and on the other end of the spectrum, people tend to really look down upon anyone going through something sad or bad, tell them all the quick fixes and thing’s they shouldn’t feel, ignoring how the person truly says they are feeling. They teach us to hide our feelings and emotions, and not speak about it. They tell us we are seeking attention, when all we really want is someone to listen, to truly care, to open up and be true. They tell you to be happy, but yet they have not spent a minute inside your confused, empty, full, beautiful and tragic mind at times, and lively soul that lives within you. Be you always. I sure am.

Count Your Blessings

Hello friends, it feels like it's been an eternity since we last spoke. 500,000 has come and gone, I know I usually make a post addressing and "celebrating" it, but it's kinda redundant don't you think? That, and I felt writing about this was more important. I feel like no matter where you're at in life, what stage you are...it's always important to remind yourself to count your blessings. I feel like as bad as life may feel or as negative as a situation you may be in, you should still be able to find some sort of light in your life, you should still be able to appreciate the blessings in your life, even if they don't feel that significant. I think it's easy for me, for you, for anyone...to complain about how much life sucks or how life could be better. I wish I had a girlfriend, I wish I had a better job, I wish I was skinnier, bigger, prettier, whatever, whatever...we all have those thoughts, it's human nature. So I guess here's my friendly reminder to you and for myself...to count your blessings, as little as it may seem. Be thankful for health if you;re healthy, for friends and good company, even if it's just that one friend who's always there for you. I'm so thankful for so many things in my life that I take for granted everyday, my parents being healthy and able-bodied.My brother and I having a great relationship compared to other siblings, him getting engaged and married soon. I know it's easy to want to think about how bad and how much better life could be...but think about how much and what you already have in your life, guaranteed that even if you might see all this negativity there's so many people who would probably kill to be in your shoes. But yeah, I don't wanna drat this out too long cuz it's a pretty simple concept and reminder, just something that came to my mind after having a couple of conversations/ Mindset is a super important thing, it contributes to so many things like how you interact with people and how you approach just life in general. This is just a reminder to you and for myself as well that when things get down and when it feels like life sucks, think about all the good things that you have going for you in your life. Count your blessings, till next time, peace.

The Worst Friend

You know what;s something I find super funny, when couples break up...that super awkward phase of like uh so should I return the stuff that he/she bought me, it was pretty expensive, etc LOL. I mean the debate can go either way tbh, unless both parties are like yeah we should return the stuff, but at the same time if you've been dating for like 10 years y'all have probably bought each other A LOT of stuff, so yeah...the debate can go on forever lol. But for today's post...the funniest thing I find for guys at least is this whole thing of like giving your girl sweaters for her to wear when she's cold and she ends up keeping them and you're out a bunch of sweaters LOL. So all of these instances revolve around the same friend. So there was this one time, I went for a walk with a friend, me being a well prepared person that I am, I brought a sweater because it was night time and it always gets chilly at night...she didn't bring a sweater...long story short, I ended up giving her my sweater and after the walk I just let her take it home. Couple weeks later she texted me she's like oh yeah I still have your sweater, but uh...something happened to it. I'm like what's up? So she worked at a summer camp as a counselor....she's like uh we were working with paint and I kinda got paint on it. In my head I was like bruuuuuh, but obvs I replied to her like soft, it's cool don't worry, probs not that bad....BRUUUUH when she gave it back to me it was soooo bad lol...it was a plain grey zip sweater and she got like grass green acrylic paint on it, so it was permanently stained LOL...I was sooo cheesed, but I was like whatever, it's cool. Fast forward a couple of months later I let her borrow another sweater and I literally had flashbacks of her ruining my other sweater LOL so I was like sure, but this time I gave her like an old sweater I didn't really care about...but I didn't tell her that. Weeks later, she texted me like oh hey I still have your sweater, but something happened to it...LOL wiat what??? Tell me how this girl returned my sweater and there was this huge hole in it...she's like I'm so sorry, I walked into like a wall or something and a nail must've been sticking out or something...LOOOL, again, in my head I was like bruuuuuh, but at the same time I knew it was an old sweater I didn't really care about so I was like soft, it's cool...I guess. Sooo, fast forward another couple of months, so we both had ipod touches, do they still make those btw? Anyways, so somehow, hers got stolen and just around that time I had gotten an iphone, so I was like I don't really need this itouch. I was gonna sell it until I found out hers was stolen and she was really sad, So essentially I gave it to her, her and her mom were adamant she pay for it, at least like $50, I was like nah it's ocol, just keep it, but take care of it cuz I worked really hard to save up for it, which was true. Couple months later, she got an iphone as well, so I was like oh, hey  just wondering do you still have the ipod touch? She;s like oh yeah, I lost it...I was gonna tell you, but I forgot. in my head I was just like bruuuh, are you serious...but I didn't really say much, I was just like oh, wow. What's the conclusion or lesson to this story? I'm not too sure. all you boyfriends out there, if you give your sweater up, be prepared to never see it again...or to never see it in the same condition you gave it away lol. Till next time, peace.