I'm Your Teacher, Not Your Friend

It's weird cuz I've never been in an actual classroom setting teaching actual lessons, marking actual tests and such before I started volunteering. I teach Sunday school at my church, but that's different, much more chill...and it's weird because I have had friends who were in my class that I teach, like I chill with them outside of church lol, in general it's a different environment than school. Any ways, I volunteered yesterday...and I guess I should start from the beginning. Had to wake up super early cuz I had to drop my brother off at work, got a french vanilla at timmies. It was a chill day cuz we (my teacher and I) had two preps, which are free periods meant for prepping and marking and such. I was super twitchy for some reason during the prep, like my heart was beating really fast and I couldn't sit still...my teacher's like it's probably the caffeine LOL. I don't usually drink caffeine so I guess that's why, I was like freaking out LOL. Good thing we had gym after and I got to work it off lol. This is where the day got fun and interesting LOL. So there's this one kif in the other grade 8 class who is HELLA cocky, like he talks a lot and such. He's on the volleyball team as well, which is why we know him prety well. But with him, you either love him or you hate him, there's no middle ground lol. My teacher got super pissed at him cuz he flirts with the line of joking and like rude you know. It's hilarious cuz he's like Rodmond, let's go play, let's go join the other team and smash it down his throat, he's pissing me off right now LOOOOL. Rewind to Thursday's volleyball practice when my teacher actually sat him cuz he was being loud and goofy, we were talking and my teacher was like man I hope he gets punched in the face when he gets to high school, cuz I said his cockiness is probably only gonna get worse LOL. Any ways, rolling on through the rest of my day...the SUPER CUTE blonde grade 8 teacher saw me in the halls and she's like HEYYY I recognize that swagger. LOL apparently I walk with a swagger :S. So we had another prep and I was marking again and man...lemme tell you, it's hard...I was marking a math test and sometimes, kids will get the entire answer wrong cuz of one mistake, but you kinda understand the process or where they were going with it, you also look at the student and how nice of a person they are and you kinda wanna find some way to give them part marks. But that's when I had to remind myself I'm their teacher, not their friend. It's hilarious cuz there's this one kid in the class who's sooo funny...my teacher loves making fun of him, but he really does love him as a student. He's like alright, every questions you ask is a dollar, and he ended up owing him like 30 dollars LOL. At the end of the day, he was like I'm joking, don't worry LOL. But he had this short thing when he was like, look I know we joke and stuff...but remember I'm not your friend, I'm your teacher and there's a fine line between that, we can joke around and stuff...but you're still my student and I'm your teacher. So that kinda put my back in check, but I will say teachers are definitely biased, you can't help it. The students that participate more, you just like them more, they keep the class going you know, legit you accidentally ignore the quiet students cuz they're quiet lol. Lowkey, teachers secretly love the kids who tlak a lot and stuff in class, cuz they make it lively, not the kids who answer questions, but like the noisy, troublemakers...to a certain extent that is lol. If you're a kid who answers questions or just talks in class, you make yourself more memorably and noticed compared to a kid who is always quiet. I'll finish by saying this, volunteering has been so fun, getting to know the kids and my teacher on a personal level. I'm so glad I went through with this. My teacher sent me a text that night just thanking me for volunteering and telling me what a good person I've become, I really appreciate that.

Dear God

Sitting here, studying for my first exam tomorrow, pretty crazy to think I'll be done after December, but at the same time I need to maintain my average to graduate. God I'm running this race...I'm getting tired, lazy...I've tripped up, I don't wanna run no more sometimes, it's hard. But I know you've got my back, that everything will work out in the end. Tho I may not be able to see the finish line, I'm not running this race my sight, but by faith and that's what I have to remind myself. That even if I fail, even if I fall, even if I hit rock bottom, I'll reach the finish line eventually...and I'll be able to look back at all my bumps, bruises and scars and be thankful and appreciate because it all worked out, just like you knew it would and just like I've always hoped and prayed it would. It's finally the home stretch, God give me strength, not to pass or to succeed...but to trust you amidst whatever is put in front of me.

If It Isn't Love...

So a while ago, I was talking to a friend of mine who's much older than me, married with 3 kids. We were talking about life, school, work and just sharing about our lives and catching up, then the topic of family came up and he was asking about my family, so naturally I returned the question and asked him about his family too. He told me him and his wife weren't doing too well...I was like oh, you guys got into an argument...he's like nah man, much worse, it's not looking so good overall. He started to continue and he was like...the way things are going...it doesn't look like this marriage is gonna last. He kept going...saying some things that really shocked me. He was like...I don't think we love each other any more...we got married pretty young...and I think it was because both of us were scared we weren't going to find anybody else and we both wanted kids. He told me how even at the beginning, things were never great you know...he would say they argued a lot and such. My heart broke for him cuz I really care for this dude. I asked what about the kids...and he said oh no doubt I would not settle for less than 50/50, he wants both parents to be present and active in his kids lives...and so he should. Which brought me to my point...what really hit me was when he said...I think we married each other because we were two people that were scared we weren't going to find anybody else. After he told his story, I comforted him and we shared advice...he's the guy that's always been telling me not to rush into relationships, to be patient...I guess I kinda know why now. It's crazy...cuz I brought up this topic to a friend and he said the same thing...it's crazy to think you can marry someone, have kids with them, and see them as the most beautiful girl or guy in the world...but as time moves on, feelings change and you don't see them that way any longer...you start to picture life without them and you don't feel the same feeling of love and passion as you once did. I guess the same can be said for relationships...but I guess this hits me harder because he's such a good friend and he's married and has 3 kids. As of late I've really been struggling with relationships and trying to find the right girl for me you know...I guess this is just a hard reminder to be patient...to take it slow and to pace myself...it's a marathon, not a sprint, all in due time.

The Life Of A Teacher

I know I'm only volunteering at this school...but I'm pretty much a part time teacher cuz my teacher lets me teach full on lessons, handle kids one on one, mark stuff. Today was a chill day, friday, the Jays game was on, the atmosphere was real nice. Lemme start by saying kids these days are hella spoiled...definitely different from when I was in school lol. They like bring their own laptops and stuff to school, are on their phones in class. During recess, kids choose to stay indoors...and when I asked them why they didn't wanna outside, they were like it;s cold LOL.They rather stay inside and play on their laptops. Same thing with lunch time, they eat their lunch, bring out their laptops and ipads and stuff...it's hilarious. It's cool not being a student to my teacher any more, but more of a friend/colleague...and it's crazy to see how teacher's act and speak to each other/about each other behind the scenes lol. The drama that goes on in school between teachers and staff members...wow, it's crazy. The janitor got pissed at my teacher for leaving the windows open after school when he told him not to, so he took away the levers...LOL...to the point where the principal had to get involved and was like yo...why'd you take away the levers, chill, it's not that big a deal. Like I said, today was a chill day, the Jays were playing...so after lunch at like 12 ish...a bunch of classes started streaming the Jays game on the projectors LOL. What else happened...I started marking these assignments, I marked one...my teacher looked at it and was like wow, you're an easy marker LOOOL I would've never given that. My teacher and I had a real good heart to heart...about life, school, work, family...it's crazy...to think this guy used to teach me and be my coach...and now he's pouring his heart out to me, sharing things about his personal life, dang. I told him how I love the relationship he has with the other grade 8 teacher...they're so chill, they talk ish about other teachers, students, they go for lunch together, they coach together, they randomly walk into each other's classes while they're teaching and make jokes and such, it's hilarious...something I want to have when or if /I become a teacher. But the best thing about coming and volunteering...the kids...them leaving and telling you to have a good weekend...asking if you're come more often than once a week...thanking you for helping them or whatever...that hits your hard man. Seeing their happiness and joy because of something you said or did...or how far a good job or keep it up or nice try can go. I'm telling you, the longest I do this, the more I'm convinced it's what I'm meant to do for the rest of my life.

You Can't Please Everybody, Can You?

I've told y'all that I'm kind of an on the fence kinda guy...I don't like taking sides, I like to see and understand both points of view. But if I really had to pick one...I'd be a glass half full kinda guy, cuz I like to be positive and embrace my blessings instead of dwelling on my failures and such. So here's my dilemma...the following are 2 statements...or 2 sides that I both agree with. On one hand...there's the age old saying that you can't please everybody. On the other hand is a quote from Kanye West that says "people always say that you can't please everybody. I think that's a cop-out. Why not attempt it? Cuz think of all the people you will please if you try." I agree with both of these statements...on one hand...I've learned many many times at a young age and even now...that you can't please everybody, no matter what you do. On the other hand...Kanye's quote is a pretty quote mindset to have...in the sense that like...think of how much good you'll do if you have a positive mindset rather than a negative one. So I guess I moreso agree with the first statement....but I agree with where Kanye is coming from in his quote...yeah he says what he says...but I interpret it as like a....why not try...think of how much good you'll do along the way or how much you'll learn. Back to the original statement tho...you really can't please everybody...no matter how popular you are, how cool you are, how much money you have, how nice or polite or good of a person you are..there's always gonna be someone who doesn't like you, finds some little thing to dislike about you or whatever. That's something I've learned as a kid and it's only been reinforced even more as I write these words right now. That there's always gonna be people that dislike me regardless of what I say, how I act, what I look like, who I am. Which is where my glass half full mentality kinda comes in...cuz I put time and effort into the people that matter and that care about me instead of trying to convert the people that don't lol.

Guest Writer #12: Pink Precariat

Guest Writer #1: SpeakingMyMind
Guest Writer #2: Letters To You
Guest Writer #3: TC
Guest Writer #4: Anonymous Queen B
Guest Writer #5: Someone You Used To Know
Guest Writer #6: Heartlocked
Guest Writer #7: LG Slayer 231
Guest Writer #8: TC
Guest Writer #9: G. Ho
Guest Writer #10: Golden Frieza
Guest Writer #11: Ghost Writer

As always, thank you to my guest writers. I appreciate y'all doing me this favour and being honest and pouring your heart out into your posts. If you're interested in being a guest writer, feel free to hit me up if you're interested...the likelihood of me saying no is very slim lol. Without further ado, here y'all go....
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I have another woe that I’ll be running through the six with. Just kidding, I don’t even live in the 6…I live very far north away from the six…So I’m still the north.

However, I digress. I’d like to open this blog post, I’ve been so kindly invited to write with a short statement: dating is difficult.

I hesitated writing yet another dating blog post because I don’t want to come off as shallow, but really…my issues run deeper than writing guys off for being jerks.

I’ve been dating a while. My first “relationship” was in grade six and it was with the new boy and I liked him and he liked me and we would message each other on MSN. It was totes romantic.

Now I’m in university and the dating game is a little more advanced then adding someone on MSN first or even texting someone every day.

I don’t know how I feel when I talk to a new person and I find out that the very friendly person has a girlfriend. Like, I’m not seriously bothered that the guy has not told me he’s taken because my intention when I meet someone new is not to date him.

Is that a weird concept? Like it seems simple and understandable, but I don’t think that’s how it is. I feel like the misconception here is that when two compatible people talk, it is inevitable someone is going to try something.

But we have strange ways of trying to make it clear without being deliberate about it. Even though, I don’t know why we’d have to be deliberate about it. Here, story: I started talking to a guy from work and my friend told me he had a girlfriend. I shrugged because I’m dating someone too. But a couple of encounters with this guy he started dropping “my girlfriend” in a lot of our conversations.

Now, another story: I played around on tinder for a while and it was always amusing to find your friends. I found someone I met at a Christmas dinner and we started talking. I guess it could be considered flirting? (I used a lot of :P and he used a lot of ;)). Then, out of the blue, he stopped talking to me. I thought nothing of it since we weren’t committed to anything. (I did find out it was because another girl gave him a chance, but that’s beside the point). Fast forward to last week and I saw him again and he texted me the next day. Now, it was back to the “:P” and “;)” but I’m dating someone now. I kind of guessed his intentions and tried to stay neutral. He asked me out. I felt obligated to tell him, and so I did. His response: “oh well, I tried.”

NOW HERE’S MY ISSUE: I’m tired of being a trophy. I’m tired of it being that the only reason a guy talks to me is to try to win me or date me or get somewhere with me. And no, I shouldn’t be “grateful” that someone finds me attractive enough to pursue.

It gets tiring always finding reasons why I did something wrong. Was it my mistake that I responded to his text message? Was the first thing I was supposed to tell a person I just met, just because he’s a boy, that I’m dating someone? Is that all really my responsibility?

Like, after he said, “oh well” our entire conversation just ended. He had no other purpose to talk to me. And I feel outright disrespected. I am more than a dating potential. I am more than another “cutie” you can tell your friends you’re talking to and are “this close” to getting to be your bae. But why is it that when I was overthinking it before I went to bed. I felt awful. I felt like I did something wrong and he automatically hated me.

That is my issue. I should not feel worth less just because I am unable to date someone. I have the right to say no. I have the right to make friends. I have the right to be a person. I am more than the “:P” girl. I have opinions. I have issues. And I want to talk to you about things other than pretending to be impressed that you can lift 1000 pounds.

There’s nothing wrong with me. There’s something wrong with your intent when you talk to girls. You have to see past dating, and see that there are ultimately more ways than sliding through someone’s inbox with a “;)” and a vague compliment that you can tell anyone.

So, remember that people are people first – not dating potentials.

Trial By Fire

So if you don't know, I mentioned I was volunteering once a week at an elementary school with my old teacher. So today was my second time going and it was super fun....you know how people say sometimes, the only way you can really learn something is by doing it...to be thrown into the fire and survive with no training or whatever. That's kinda what happened to me today...my teacher told me last week he would eventually let me lead some lessons and teach the class a bit, but we would sit down and prep some stuff for me to teach. Today...he was just like yeah...I know I didn't give you a heads up, but you're gonna be leading some discussions today LOL. It was kinda nerve-racking, but cool...like I wasn't freaking out, but it was like an oh okay, true...kinda feeling. I'm kinda used to being in front of crowds and kids...so I've grown to  be pretty comfortable. First period was gym...he let me pretty much lead the whole class cuz I've done coaching and such with him before...so that was real fun, to get warmed up for the rest of the day. After that we had geography, where they just copied down some notes...then math class...he ave me some worksheets they were going to be doing and pretty much I went through it with them for a good 15-20 minutes and made sure I was available if they needed any questions. BUT FIRST...last week I told y'all he mentioned that I rapped dto the whole class LOL....today, he reminded them...and long story short...after a whole lot of back and forth...I ended up rapping in front of them LOL...legit I don't know what made me do it or how I mustered up the courage to do so...but I just did it lol, I'm glad I didn't forget my lyrics. So that was a cool experience lol. What else happened throughout the day...well he took me to the teacher's lounge and they have something called 'fat fridays' where teachers just bring it dishes like a potluck...moreso desserts and cakes and cookies and snacks and such and leave it in the teachers lounge for you to go whenever you want and grab snacks. So it was super awkward walking in at first cuz I felt so out of place LOL....all the teachers were there chilling at the tables and it was legit 90% female teachers and I mentioned it was a new school, so the majority of them were super young. One thing I'm gonna mention...not to boast, but cuz it meant a lot to me...was when the kids were working...my teacher, who I've known for over 10 years and we're really good friends...he was like wow man....your rap was really good. He said...anyone can rap....but your lyrics were meaningful...and that's real cool, to see how much you've grown from that kid in grade 7. That meant so much to me...and we just talked a bit more about my lyrics and such and how and why him and I bonded so well. Last class of the day was english...and it was a hella memorable way to end the day...the kids were working on some assignment and one by one came out to do this reading test where they would read a couple paragraphs and my teacher would assess their reading levels and stuff. He did some, then showed me and I got to do some while he was there to help me out in case I messed up. Last student of the day, he mentions she may have trouble reading cuz english isn't her first language and she's only been in Canada for a month. This girl reads FLAWLESSLY...like it was a bit slow cuz she had to digest the words and stuff...she had a tiny bit of trouble pronouncing the tougher words, but she blew us away because from what my teacher told me, we weren't expecting that. My teacher goes off and goes wow...that was amazing, for someone who's still learning english, that was amazing. I'm glad you're in my class cuz you're a really good person and I hope you continue to grow and to learn and to read and such. This girl has tears of joy in her eyes and she's like smiling so hard and my teacher starts tearing up too and I won't lie I got mad emotional seeing how genuinely happy she was. After she left...my teacher looks at me and goes...as much as I and the other teachers joke to you about how you shouldn't become a teacher...if you live and love moments like that...if that kinda stuff brings you joy,go and become a teacher...don't do it for the summers off, the money, whatever...that kinda stuff is what makes this job worth it. My teacher and I had a good moment to reminisce and I told him that my relationship with him was one of the biggest reasons why I wanted to become a teacher...to hopefully develop that kind of relationships with my students...to the point where 10 years later they'lll still come visit me, come to my house for dinner, meet my kids...all that stuff. Man...sometimes a bit of doubt creeps into my head of whether or not I really do wanna be a teacher...but today definitely solidified it pretty hard that this is what I wanna do in the future.