Single Thoughts

So whenever I meet up with people I haven’t seen in a while...whether friends, old teachers, relatives or whatever...one thing they like is how’s the girl situation, seeing or talking to anybody, how’s the relationships? Or people will ask me like oh who’s that girl on your ig or your snap lol. For a while most of my closest friends were all in serious and long term relationships. I won’t lie, sometimes I do think about that kinda stuff...but honestly and for the most part, it’s something I haven’t really and don’t really think about too often. I mean life is just so busy with work, friends, family and trying to balance everything in between that there isn’t much time to think about that stuff. I mean when you’re in a relationship, a lot of your time goes to and should go to your significant other and I don’t know if y’all know it or not but it is a really big commitment physically, mentally and emotionally. I haven’t even been thinking about blogging too much because much hasn’t been happening, my mind’s just been in grind mode recently and it’s become kinda a routine...work, gym, chill with friends and family, me time, repeat. But 2 months ago around Valentine’s Day, I read something a friend posted and had the time to really sit there and think about this whole thing for a while and it inspired me to write this. I wrote it 2 months ago, but kept editing it the more I reread it. It got to a point where I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post it anymore, yet here we are...and here it is...enjoy

Single Thoughts
Lonely thoughts sometimes creep into my mind
I try to search for love and only lust is what I find
I try to preach patience but who really wants to wait
So I try to force the cards by going on random dates

I came pretty close, I thought I almost found the one
From first date to first kiss, something beautiful had begun
But time passed and feelings faded as they sometimes tend to do
I felt hurt and all alone when she left my heart in two

Sometimes the timing isn’t right, that’s just outta your control
I want it to happen naturally, like chicken soup for the soul
But it gets hard and it gets tempting when you see a pretty face
You start to think that maybe she’s the one to fill the empty space

But then that moment of realization hits you hard like a bus
You start to tell yourself damn, you really acting kinda suss
That’s when I catch myself, slow it down and take a step back
Entitle this single thoughts as it all fades to black

The Next Chapter

So you know when you read books you often tell yourself like oh I’ll stop at the next chapter and continue later on, cuz you don’t wanna stop at a random page and then pick back up, you wanna finish the chapter because that’s where you’re intended to pause or take a break, it’s the end of one part and the beginning of another. I remember when I would read books and have that mindset, but some chapters would feel waaaay longer than others...where I’d be like damn is it almost done yet, I gotta go to sleep or do something else. Whereas other chapters are hella short and you’re just like alright maybe I’ll just read another chapter or a little bit more. I’ve been thinking a lot about the people on my life (because that’s what I do, I think a lot) and in the same way that you go through seasons in life, in relationships and in friendships...some seasons seem way longer than others and some seasons seem way shorter than others. Also similarly how our Canadian winters feel waaay longer than they should be lol. So anyways I’ve been thinking about the people, the situations and the experiences in your life...how if your life is your own personal story, then each situation or person in your life represents a chapter in your story. How some situations are short, some are long, some are recurring and some stay with your forever. Same with the people in your life...some people are in your life for a chapter or two, some people feel like they’ve been in your life way too long and it’s kinda time to close the chapter on that part. Does that make sense? I say this because I feel like I have been closing certain chapters in my story and am making a conscious effort to do it more. Only reason I say this cuz I was gonna make a post about this topic but changed my mind, it’s about how you can spend a lot of time thinking about people and how they’re doing and that feeling isn’t reciprocated. Granted it’s like if I think about someone random from school I’m not gonna expect them to wonder how I’m doing. But when it comes to your friends or the people you care about and hope to care about you, you kinda hope or expect them to have you in her heart, wondering how you’re doing and all that. So I say that I’ve been making a conscious effort to close certain chapters in my life because I just wanna surround myself with people who care about me, enough to tell me, enough to reach out to me and all that Jazz. Thinking about this post now, not even rereading it, it probably sounds hella confusing, just one of those posts that makes a lot more sense in my head than it does when I put it on paper lol. Peace.

Do You Still Talk To Your Ex?

So I was talking to a friend (that’s how most of these posts start) a few weeks back and he was like hey remember that girl you were seeing that summer a few years back, do you still talk to her? And I was just like nah, not at all lol...I mean it wasn’t a bad break where you unfollow each other on all social media and cut each other off, but it was one of those things where we weren’t friends to begin with. She was someone I met, we hit it off and dated for a while. It’s something I’ve thought about very rarely, but it’s like would I hit her up and be like hey how’s it going, or like hey wanna go out sometime...and tbh the answer is no, like it didn’t work out and that was that, because we weren’t really friends to begin with we didn’t have any foundation or anything to fall back on. It’s like alright we’re not seeing each other so...there’s no point to keep in contact lol. Then that made me think about my other ex, one that after we broke up, we saw each other and talked quite a bit...and we were very on and off for a long while. But the difference with this one was that we were friends first, we had mutual interests, then we kinda caught feelings and went from there. It’s very interesting to think about cuz it’s that age old question of like oh do you or would you still talk to your ex and I think it depends a lot of the situation and the relationship that you have with that person. I was listening to a podcast and someone asked a question like oh my ex and I have been still seeing each other and hooking up but I’m trying to move on? Then the topic kinda shifted to like why do we keep the lines of communication open with an ex...the number one thing is familiarity, comfort, you’re used to them, the memories, the feelings and it’s hard to let that stuff go. Going back to them is like going to an old house, finding an old toy or something...there’s so much nostalgia and (mostly) good memories that you’re like wow this feels nice, it feels right. But yeah it’s again just interesting hearing from my friends about their breakups and continuing to talk to or cut off their exes. But anyways yeah, till next time...peace.

Let’s Be Friends, But Not All The Time

Hey so first of all, thanks for all the love and support for the previous post. I think it’s something everyone struggles with, no matter who you are or what environment you’re in.

So anyways, I feel like there are different tiers of friendships. Now I know I’ve talked about like your direct circle or friends then the other circles around or outside of that circle. But this is a bit different, for one there are the friends that you can see everyday...the ones that you can literally do anything and nothing with and still enjoy their company. Then there’re also the friends that you don’t necessary see that often, but your level of friendship remains the same...the love that y’all have for each other isn’t determined by how often you see each other. I have so many of these friends who are grinding/working in diff countries, diff cities, or just life has taken us on different paths and to different places that don’t allow for us to see each other that often, but when push comes to shove it’s all love and we got each other’s backs. Then there’re the friends that you care about, that you’re close with, but it’s a concerted choice not to see them on a daily basis. By this I mean like these are friends that you can only take in doses and see every now and then because if you did see them everyday, it’d be waaay too much. Whether conflicting personalities, views or y’all just get sick of each other, I think about this a lot because sometimes I get hella sick or annoyed at some of my friends...it’s not an angry feeling, it’s more like alright I’ve gotten my weekly/monthly dose of you and now I’m good to go, any more and I might punch you in the face LOL. It’s funny cuz I use to think completely different, I thought that the sign of a healthy and strong friendship meant you had to see each other as often as possible and do as much as you can together, but now my train of thought has changed. There are some friends that I love and I love seeing, but only once in a while, catching up, hearing how they’re doing and all the things they’ve done in the time I haven’t seen them and then we go on our merry ways until the next time we see each other lol. Do you have friends like that? Friends you sincerely care for and about but you can’t see them everyday because it’d be too much? Lol anyways, with that, I’ll see y’all soon!

I Can’t Make You Like Me, I Can’t Make You Love Me

Hey y’all, so I wrote this a couple of days ago and hesitated on posting it cuz well...like the post will talk about, I was scared of the response it would teceive, but it is what it is...control what you can control, and don’t let what you can’t bother you...enjoy.
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I think this is something I’ve struggled with all my life and it’s something I still struggle with. This idea of being accepted and liked. And this goes further and way beyond just girls but the friends and the people you surround yourself with. Whether it’s how people perceive me, this blog or the things I say and do. Whether you think I’m hella corny, not funny, way too dramatic or over the top lol. I get way too wrapped up in what people think. Do they hate it do they love it, I don’t think it’s something I can escape or something that ever goes away...no matter how many blog anniversaries I celebrate or how many views the blog gets...I always struggle with what y’all think and if y’all like me or not because I wanna be likable...that’s why I try to push out interesting content, funny stories, waaaay too many posts about girls. I think that’s something any kind of content creator goes through. I’m big on watching people’s vlogs and stuff and it’s something they always talk about because it’s right in their face. People commenting on their daily lives, their personalities, the things they say and do. And I know I’m far from that, but it’s somewhat in the same lane in that I put my life out here...for y’all to see, read, laugh, criticize, enjoy, whatever it may be. I can’t help but expect the negative to come along with the positives...just because a post blows up doesn’t mean it’s a good thing, what if people think it’s dumb or stupid and are like yo you should read this it’s so dumb. Those are the random and outlandish things I think about.

But eventually and like always...I get a moment to myself and am able to calm down and reflect (cuz if you know me you’ll know the freak outs are usually followed my moments of realization) and tell myself why’re you stressing over things you can’t control. And that’s exactly what it all is...in the same way I can’t force a girl to love me, I can’t force y’all to like me, I can’t force y’all to think my posts are funny or interesting. It’s not a battle I can win and that’s why I say and try to remind myself that this blog...it really is for just me. A place of expressing and comfort for me to just say whatever I want and need...knowing that whatever response comes is out of my control, all I can do is just keep doing my thing and if you dig the posts and mess with the vibe that I put out then that’s dope...but if not, I’ll probably stress about it but eventually realize what’s the point cuz it’s something I can’t control. I can’t jump out of your phone or computer screen and slap you twice across the face for not liking my posts...that’s the cycle of life and I just gotta deal with it. Sorry for the whole schpeel (is that the right spelling) but it was something that crossed my mind and something that I realized bothered me more than it actually did.

Edit: So I wrote this yesterday and rereading it right now I just wanna say something to you and also to myself. People are gonna feel some type of way about you no matter who you are, what you do and/or what you say. Always remind yourself of that when you get caught up in the hype. You can be a great person, do amazing things but somewhere, somehow, someone will try to find a way to put your light out, let it burn even brighter...keep doing you.

The Most Awkward Date

Alright so this was about a few years ago when I was still in school. I went through a phase where I went on random dates here and there whether like tinder or girls I kinda knew and just hit up and asked to chill. So anyways, this one girl was super cute and chill but she was also super boy crazy meaning she’d always be dating or going on dates with different guys. So i dunno why, I think it was like her birthday or something so I was like hey happy birthday, let’s chill lemme take you out for dinner sometime. So we go to dinner and the whole time she’s like talking about dudes she’s been with and hooked up with and I’m like truuuue...after dinner she was like hey you wanna go take a walk at the park or something and I just was not bout it so I was like yeah uh I got something to do so I’m gonna have to drop you home lol sorry but uh happy birthday again. So she hit me up a couple days later and she’s like hey wanna study together or something. So we met up at some coffee shop and sat and talked for a bit before relocating to some bubble tea place. So she goes can I have $5 to buy bubble tea...in my head I was like are you my child asking for your allowance to go buy toys or something LOL. So I was like whatever and gave her a $5, she comes back a minute later and she goes I need another dollar...and I was like bruuuuuh, I didn’t say it but I thought it real hard LOL. So she sits down and we’re both studying and stuff. First of all, she never offered me a sip of the bubble tea LOOOL, anyways so it’s a pretty small bubble tea place so we’re sitting across from each other and we’re both working on our laptops, not really talking to each other. She reaches in her bag and pulls out headphones and puts them on, so I’m like true I put my earphones in and I kid you not for the next 2 hours just complete silence...like we didn’t speak or look at each other LOL. I think she tapped me once or twice and was like I’m gonna go to the bathroom and I’m like aight. So I’m past the point of studying and I m just watching videos, sitting there thinking to myself is it rude to just get up and leave (we drove separately) but I’m like nah that looks bad. So some more time passes and I’m thinking got damn I gotta leave cuz I’m sooooo bored, so I’m like whatever, I tap her and I’m like hey I gotta go and I peeeeeace out ASAP. She texted me that same day like hey that was really fun, we should study again sometime...I’m like bruuuuh we didn’t say a word to each other lol. I know it sounds weird or you’re probs like y’all were studying obviously it’s gonna be quiet...nah trust it was awkwaaaaard. The number of times I thought to myself “why am I even here” is unimaginable LOOL. So yeah after she texted me that she had fun and we should do it again, I didn’t reply and we both lived happily ever after...well actually I never got my $6 back even tho she said she’d pay me back...that’s one bubble tea I’ll never have...LOOOL peace

Expect The Unexpected

Hey friends, sorry it’s been so long...I’ve been in San Francisco for the past week visiting a friend, chilling, taking in the sun, eating good food and enjoying good views. So I was talking to a coworker/friend (moreso a coworker) yesterday and I was telling her how like I forgot how hard it was to go into a new situation or new surrounding and make friends. I said this cuz for the most part I’ve been in the same position for most of my life...same circle of friends, same church, all that jazz. But then she was like yeah you can never really plan for that stuff...we never really expected to become as good friends as we have, it just happened. You never really go into something with the intention or thought of like oh I’m gonna be best friends with this guy or this girl. It’s just interesting to think about cuz after she said that it made me think about all my friends and how our friendships were never really planned or prepared, they just kinda happened...whether mutual interest, chemistry, who knows. It gives me some sort of relief knowing that the current situation I’m in, as hard as it is being that dude who doesn’t know anyone atm, that all passes in time and I’ll be able to look back at the beginning of how I met certain ppl and how worried I was that I wouldn’t or how hard it was. That’s just life...you go into a new class, new school, new church, new job...you wonder if you’ll make friends, and that’s perfectly normal...but don’t stress, just let it happen. Expect the unexpected...which is also a slogan from one of my favourite shows Big Brother LOOOL...anyways, glad to be talking to y’all again...see y’all soon, peace!