Withdrawal

June's felt like a very slow month...blog post wise and life wise lol. June's almost over and I've only posted twice...this post being the third. In terms of life...it's felt pretty slow...haven't been doing much outside of softball, church stuff and chilling with people. I need to find a job lol...but at the same time I know I'm gonna miss this free time once I do find a job. Anyways...so everybody experiences some kind of withdrawal when they're use to something for so long and then it's gone. Alcoholics or drug addicts experience withdrawal when they stop taking the substance...same with anything from coffee to the internet to your phone...if it's a constant part of your daily life...when you remove it for a certain period of time...you eventually experience withdrawal...you crave it...or miss it. That's kinda what I felt this morning when I woke up. I sat in bed...I opened my eyes...and every time I blinked...all I could see was your face...all I could hear was your voice and your laugh...all I could think about was all the times we spent together and conversations we had. But don't get me wrong...it wasn't a sad feeling and it was definitely not an "I miss you" kinda feeling. It was more of me missing the feeling and the "joy" you could sya that it gave me. Missing the feeling of simply having somebody there, somebody to talk to, to look forward to hearing from...that personal and intimate connection. When I woke up this morning...it was a weird feeling...I can't explain it...it wasn't good or bad...it was...weird. It's funny cuz I already had in mind what I wanted write about today then I woke up and was hit with a flurry of thoughts...not about you...but about what we had and the feeling it gave me. That's all...I know I've been mia...but I have big things planned for the blog coming up reeeeal soon and I'm hella excited to share it with you, all in due time...peace out.

Wasn't Meant To Be

Yeah I know it's been a while, sorry about that. So uh...here's a funny story for y'all. It's probably one I've told on the blog before, but back when no one read the blog...LOL, so here it is. This one comes in like grade 7 when we went on our year end trip to some cottage in a forest kinda thing. So if you've read this post about the girl who rejected me, this story occurs a year before that cuz that was in grade 8. So anyways, all the grade 7's are sitting in a room and we're about to go on some huge scavenger hunt in pairs. So the teacher is like alright I'm gonna pick the pairs and I'm gonna put you with somebody you don't really know and it's gonna be boy/girl pairs cuz the scavenger hunt was like a couple of hours so he's like yeah it'll give you the chance to get to know somebody you don't already know. So he's picking the pairs and slowly all the kids are going off to start the scavenger hunt...there's 4 kids left. The cute asian girl that I liked, this brown girl I didn't really know at all, this other asian guy and myself. So my heart's already racing...I'm like NO WAY...it's gonna happen...I'm gonna be able to spend like 4 hours with this girl that I like, talking, chilling and stuff...bro, you don't understand how happy I was....I was like c'mon man...it has to be destiny Teacher calls her name...let's call her Maggie. So he calls her name...and I'm like THIS IS IT...he looks at me...looks back at the paper...then guys the other dude's name...brooooo, you don't understand what I felt LOOOL. I literally looked at the teacher, looked at the asian girl, then looked at my partner and was like bruuhhhhhh. So anyways, here I am about to start this scavenger hunt and I'm hella salty LOOOL. So I kinda forced myself to suck it up and try to be civil and talk to her since I was gonna be with her for like a couple hours. Honestly tho, lemme tell you...you can't and you shouldn't judge a book by it's cover. She literally did EVERYTHING in the scavenger hunt...I just like held stuff or like made she we didn't die...she like figured out all the clues, got all the directions and stuff and we ended up finishing like 3rd our like 20 pairs or something and we got like a prize. Plus I also got to talk to her throughout the day and that was pretty dope cuz if it weren't for the scavenger hunt, I would probably never approach her in school or whatever. So yeah...it's just interesting you know...when you expect one thing and you get another. Random comparison...but it's like when me and my boys go for a movie and they pick a movie I've never heard of or aren't interested in and I end up liking it...kinda similar...no? It's like you go into something expecting it to be bad because of your preconceived ideas even tho you know nothing about it...but then it kinda surprises you. So yeah///see y'all soon.

It Gets Better

Hey friends, it's been a while, I apologize for that...but it feels good talking to you guys again. There's so much to say...so funny thing...yesterday, I went downstairs at like 2 am, everyone's asleep...I open the fridge and take out this box of leftovers someone brought home and I eat it. Then I kinda said to myself...wow, I'd be the worst roommate ever LOOOL...like waking up in the middle of the night...eating people's food, drinking people's drinks LOOL, then of course,,,blaming someone else lol. So April was a very slow month for the blog...cuz obviously I didn't post...but I was looking at the stats and there was only 1,034 views for that month...to give y'all context, it hasn't been that low since January and February of 2011 with 1,092 and 1,201 hits. TAKE THIS IN THO...MAY...pulled in a TOTAL of 27,359 views, again...some context...the most viewed month of all time is March 2015 with 15,482...now I don't know what happened in the month of May...but geeeeeez...almost 30,000 hits just for the month of May., other than those 2 months...only one other month has gotten over 10,000 hits and that's May of 2016....okay, sorry...enough numbers...let's talk.

I guess you can take this as a continuation of my previous post. Things really to get better...in time. Sometimes, we get so caught up in wanting things to get better immediately that we don't see that things are getting better...just little bit by little bit. I rolled my ankle like a couple of weeks ago and every day I was super annoyed because I wanted to get back to 100% asap...I wanted to be able to run, jump, play basketball...it was annoying. After realizing it wasn't going to miraculously heal right away...I started seeing the little improvements and bits of progress in my ankle. One day, I'd be able to stretch it a little bit more, the next day I'd be able to walk without any discomfort, the next some light jogging and now I'm full on running with minimal discomfort. Everything in life gets better...in time...I forget that a lot because you wanna get better right away...no one wants to be sad or angry...they wanna get better right away...but it doesn't work like that. I told y'all about the girl I kinda fell for...I didn't expect...but I wanted to be better right away...I wanted to stop hurting, I wanted to be happy. But it didn't work that way...it took time. Each passing day, each morning waking up...it got easier...I didn't have urges to text her, to look at her pictures or whatever...to the point where one morning, I woke up, sat up and literally kinda zoned out for 2 minutes...and I mumbled to myself...wow, things really do get better. I was so focused on wanting to get back to normalcy right away...but it's a process. Don't look at it as how much you have left to go, but see it as how far along you've come...I guarantee you'll feel a lot better...and you'll see how much progress you've made rather than how much distance you have left to go. With that...just wanted to share with y'all this one song.

Lil Yachty - Better feat. Stefflon Don

The Best Advice Ever

I won't lie to you guys, this month has felt like an eternity...it's been such an up and down month emotionally, I've been so all over the place. I told y'all I've been kinda in a funk, going through some things lately. I also said that not much in my life is really a secret...in terms of on this blog or just in person, doesn't take much prying to get me to open up to you...and I guess I can thank the blog for that...for making me very transparent and someone who opens up easily..a strength and a weakness at times. So I shared with some of the kids I teach this past Sunday essentially what's been bothering me. Long story short...I was kinda seeing this girl for a little bit and it didn't work out. She went away to school...so who knows, maybe feelings just died down, timing wasn't right or she wasn't ready...it just didn't work out. It kinda sucks cuz I guess you could I got too emotionally invested into her, into it...too fast...and obvs that took toll on me emotionally. Who knows if she's even gonna read this...if you're reading this, it's too late...cue Drake's 'Hold On We're Going Home'...cuz you're a good girl and you know it...right? Inside joke, only she'll get it if she reads this. But yeah, I guess that's what's been up with me lately...trying to make sense of all that...while having so much on my plate like my brother's birthday, mother's day and of course my own birthday...it was a lot of contrasting emotions that I was feeling all at once lol. 

So I saved this tweet a long time ago, intending on making a post about it...because it's so true. And I think it can't apply to me anymore than it does right now. Again, just the last 2 posts that I wrote...were both pieces I started and never finished and I'm super happy with how they turned out. I look at some of my favourite posts on this blog and the posts with the most views...the above tweet is applicable and relatable...all the stories about girls, all the poems, all the posts where I just pour my heart out. I read this tweet again as I'm writing these words and it hurts my heart to the core y'feel. So now you may be asking yourself...okay Rodmond, so what's the best advice ever. It's something i heard from my boy a couple of weeks ago and probably something I've heard other times as well...simply put...it gets better. With anything and everything in life that you're going through...a break up, an argument, losing a loved one, depression, anxiety, whatever it might be...it gets better. It always does...and that's such a positive mindset and I love it. Because it's easy to wanna sulk in your sadness, but to know that it gets better...that time heals all wounds, is SUCH a comforting feeling. Especially in a relationship standpoint...if it doesn't work out...I was reading that it prepares you for your next relationship...you start to know what you want/are looking for and what you don't want/aren't looking for. That made so much sense to me...not only that, but it also prepares you as a person to be a better half for somebody else, to know okay...maybe I should improve this or do this instead for my next relationship. So yeah, I don't wanna make this too long...I just wanna say that whatever it is you're going through right now...as much as it sucks, as hard as it may seem...it gets better. it always does...keep your head it.

Lost Ones

Told you guys I've been writing a lot...this is also something I started quite a while ago, but never had the heart to finish. But thinking a lot lately...about a lot of people...and I guess this was written with a couple of them in mind, referencing to specific memories that I've been reminiscing upon.

Dedicated to the friends that I hardly see
I really miss the summer nights when it was only you and me

Intimate conversation, I knew something was brewing
Chilling with you, it didn’t matter what we were doing

Family by bond, but at times deeper than blood
Remember throwing around the football, jumping, diving in the mud

It only took a couple months for me to see you as my brother
Late night conversations and home cooked meals by my mother

You understood me, I saw this lasting longer than it did
Remember driving me home in the snow and you almost hit that little kid

I think about you a lot, I really hope you're doing well
Remember the hella lame ghost stories about trees we used to tell

I remember looking at your face, I knew something wasn't right
3 am conversations at the park, I still think about those nights

Life has taken us on different paths that we all gotta go
To the lost ones aka the friends I used to know

Dear Rodmond

So um...you know how I'm usually pretty honest with y'all and I share most of what happens in my life with y'all...well, give me some time...kinda in a weird mind state right now. But, I've been very inspired lately...to write, a lot...and I'll explain more in detail in another post. But uh...this is something that I started like I wanna say at least a month or probably more ago....I had like the first 4 lines down...then today, right now...I was just very inclined and inspired to finish it...it's interesting cuz I remember what inspired me when I first started writing it...and now that I've finished it, it was about something completely different...but it;s still along the same lines...so it kinda flows really well...I dunno, I've read this over to myself a good several time...and I'm just really happy with how it turned out...in my head at least...so yeah.

Dear Rodmond,
Young man, I know you're going through some things

But I got some things to say to you, I'm sorry if it stings

Man up and learn to stand up on your own two feet

This is just one of many times in your life you'll taste defeat

The truth is your friends won't always be there when you need it
You gotta learn to take care of yourself, man I mean it
Heartbreak is gonna hurt, you're gonna know it very well
It'll prepare you for something beautiful in the future, I can tell
Don't let the sadness and uncertainty of life bring you down
The more you wanna soak in it, the likely you are to drown
The glass is always half full, I know that you believe it
Searching for love all your life, I know you’ll soon receive it
It sucks to see how sudden that the tables can turn
But I know you’ll turn it around into lessons you learn
Its okay to be sad, as long as you know that it gets better
The sun comes after the rain, that’s why I’m writing you this letter

Sincerely,
RT

Same Answers, Different Solutions

You know when you're struggling or when you don't know what to do...you go to your friends right...or you go to people you trust for advice. But here's the thing with advice...different people will tell you different things...and also, different pieces of advice are different for each person and each situation. That's kinda what sucks sometimes about getting advice...you get differentiating opinions and perspectives. For me at least...when I'm really stumped...I lean heavily on that advice...it weighs heavily on my decisions and actions. But again, when you go to like 5 different people and get 5 different pieces of advice, you can see how that creates a dilemma. Say if I'm going through a problem and I go to person 1 and they tell me to do this...I go ahead and do it and I'm like oh true. Then I go talk to person 2 and they tell me no, no, no...don't do that...do this, then I go ahead and do this...repeat for persons 3, 4 and 5. See how that kinda poses a problem? I dunno man..when I really don't know what to do...that advice and perspective kinda becomes my own. But I guess I'm kinda learning and kinda being taught that despite the advice that you might be receiving...you're the one who ultimately has to make the decision, take those steps. The advice is just...there, you're not obligated to follow it word for word, you can take pieces that you agree with it, but it doesn't have to become your perspective. Sometimes, you have your own decision or perspective in mind...but it gets changed because you've gone to so many people for advice you kinda forget what you originally wanted to do. Man...it sucks. Every person, every situation, every circumstance is different...in the same way, reading an article about someone who's going through the same or a similar situation as you can be hella helpful or not because everybody is different. The same thing that worked for one person might not work for you, you know. It's like a math question...2 might get the same answers, but they might have solved it differently...dang, I literally just thought of that analogy and I actually really like it. Ultimately, we all have some sort of finish line that we hope to get to...we're all going to get to some sort of finish line, I hope...but each of us is going to get there differently...some slower and some faster than others...each enduring different things. I guess this is me to you, but also a good reminder to myself...that advice is there to help, but you don't have to take it word for word. Like those candies or chocolates restaurants leave at the waiting area...you don't have to take it, it's there if you need or want it. Sorry, I just really like giving analogies and they're all hitting me all at once right now lol. Yeah I dunno...wasn't even sure what I was gonna talk about today...then this kinda just popped into my head...isn't it funny how that works sometimes? See y'all soon, peace!