Full Circle

So last week was really busy just because I had 2 assignments due and 2 presentations as well, so I kinda had to manage my time effectively and plan my assignments accordingly cuz it was literally group presentation on Tuesday, assignment due midnight Wednesday, presentation Thursday, assignment due Friday midnight, but I also had work in the evening lol. So it was kinda a stressful time, not because the work itself was super hard or complicated, but just cuz it felt like there was a lot to do and I felt a little overwhelmed. Anyways, so I did my 2 presentations last week and I felt really great about it and I also did really well on them also. The reason I bring it up is because after my first presentation, a bunch of my classmates were like wow you're a real good speaker, this one girl was like yeah you speak really well, like a teacher LOL. So fast forward to my presentation on Thursday, after I finished, again a different set of classmates were like yeah you were super engaging and charismatic, you're a really good speaker LOL. The only reason I bring this up is because when I look back at myself in high school, university...even maybe a couple years ago, I would never consider myself a good publi speaker, nor would I ever describe myself as engaging or charismatic lol. I think back to my brother's wedding and giving the best man speech, a lot of his friends were like yeah you were super engagin and your speech was really dope. Some of my friends and coworkers have literally told me like yo you should vlog or something, you have that vlogger voice LOOOL...I've also heard like “yo you should start a podcast, you have a really good voice” LOOOL. Okay, so I'm not telling you this to hype myself up...even tho it was pretty joke s to hear all these things...nor am I telling you there's a podcast on the way or that I'm gonn start vlogging lol...it's just really cool to be able to look back at the shy, nervous and timid kid that I was...and now, a still kinda shy, but more confident man. Part of my presentation, I said like hey...I'm still super shy and quiet, but when given the opportunity to speak, to present or whatever, I don't shy away from it and it doesn't really make me that uncomfortable anymore to do presentations or to speak in public. So it's like...I don't outwardly seek these situations out...just cuz I'm shy and i'd rather not...but like if I'm put in a situation where I have to...I don't really mind it lol. It's just funny looking back cuz I was that kid during presentations who'd read off the slide or read directly off my notes y'feel...but for my presentations last week, I made an effort to know what I was talking about, be able to glance down at my notes which only contained key words, then just go off on my own. What I'm trying to say is...it's always refreshing and humbling to see your own personal growth. When life hits you hard, when you feel drained and exhausted...take a look back at the journey you've been through to get to the point you're at right now. Personal growth is so much more than just physical and mental....but it's emotional, it's psychological. It was really cool hearing my classmates say that about me cuz it's something I've never really seen in myself, so for it to be acknolwedged was really cool. It's kinda like a caterpillar evolving into a cocoon and eventually a butterfly...you see that slow growth and improvement in yourself and it's a really rewarding feeling. And again, growth comes in all shapes and sizes...it's all about progress...whether babysteps or significant improvements...everyone grows and progresses differently, but eventually it all comes full circle.

Practice & Preparation

I don’t think you can ever fully be prepared for anything...an interview, a first date, orientation, first day of class...it’s nice to be and feel prepared, but I think one of the most important qualities is being flexible and being able to adapt on the fly...because things can change really fast or you might get hit with something you didn’t prepare for or weren’t expecting. As much planning as I’ve done in my life for certain events and situations...sometimes you really do have to just go with the flow and kinda wing it you know. I understand some people need order and organization and direction...but that only gets you so far is what I’m saying. Some people are the kinds of people to follow instructions to the letter...like say cooking or baking, but sometimes you kinda have to eyeball it or go by taste. Or what if you don’t have an ingredient and the stores are closed, a lot of life is about adapting to your situation and surroundings and making the best of what’s around you because not everything is going to go exactly the way you plan and prepare for it. There’s no ‘formula’ I can give you for life...or trust me I’d memorize that shit...life is about just taking what you get and making the best of it, adapting yourself to your situation. Rejection, failure, heartbreak...that’s all stuff we never really expect or prepare for, but it happens and it’s important to be ready and to be able to adapt to whatever comes after.

Edit: So I wrote this a couple days ago and it’s just funny how nervous people get...or how nervous I get before important events. The night before my placement interview I was super jittery and I couldn’t sleep. Just yesterday I kept rereading my presentation notes to make sure I was ready. This morning I was going to go over it again on the bus and I was like NO...you’re ready for this, you need to relax...you’ve done enough practicing and preparing, when the time comes just do it. It’s just funny that feeling we get of nervousness and anxiousness and that overwhelming feeling of being unprepared lol. Isn’t that why we like go over things in our head, do a double take in the mirror to make sure we look good, reread notes, all these things, it’s just funny lol.

Random Thoughts

Is it weird to feel like I don't have enough time and I have too much time at the same time? Somebody put that in a verse, it sounds fire. Anyways, if you follow the blog this is something I did back in the day to just kinda spitball at you guys...lately, the blog's been slacking yeah yeah we get it...but fam, the well is empty, it's dry...I honestly have nothing to talk about lol, nothing major's been going on. So instead of just going ghost, why not just hit you guys with everything that I HAVE been thinking about, but not enough to make a post about lol. For one, I'm taking it that there's only a month left in my first semester at college, time literally flies. I feel like time moves really fast when you think of it in alarger context...like in my one semester for one course, there's only 12 classes...take that in, yeah it's once a week over a 3 month period but to think that you digest everything, do all the tests and projects and assignments in 12 classes is pretty crazy. And at work they give you your schedule like a few weeks or sometimes even a month ahead, it makes you look at time in a larger context. Speaking of school, looking for a placement is probably the only thing I'm really stressed about atm because I gotta find one for December. Searching for placements has reminded me that rejection is a natural and healthy part of life. I had an interview for one yesterday that I really wanted but I found out today I didn't get in. It's funny cuz I don't really get too nervous about the actual interview, I've gotten gotten comfortable with it...but yeah, I was kinda bummed at first, but at the end of the day it is what it is and I just gotta get back on the horse and keep searching for placements...rejection is a natural part of life. Oh yeah, so on the flip side of not having enough time...I feel like I have so much time on my hands in the sense that I find myself thinking a lot...about random people, events, situation,s, circumstances. I think about people a lot...and of course memorably events and situations...which are often linked to people. Sometimes I miss people, I think about what went wrong, what changed. I think about fun road trips, nights out and great conversations. On the flip side to change...it made me think about how much stays the same, consistent, it just evolves. I think about being at my current job for over a year and seeing all the faces that have come, gone and are still here...I think about my parents or people I know who;ve been with the same person for a lengthy amount of time, it's crazy when we think about change we forget how crazy it is that some things can stay the same for a long time too. So my car battery recently at a gas station with my parents and long story short all of our friends were busy or didn't know how to help that we started asking people at the gas station for help and this young boy in high school helped us out no questions asked. It made me think of the other time my car battery died...calling all my friends and they were busy, my parents didn't know what to do, I was stuck by myself at the mall. I called my friend and he said he could help, but he was in north york with his girlfriend, he said to call him back if I couldn't find anybody...I tried, but couldn't...so this guy left his girlfriend and drove from north york to help boost my battery, damn. It made me think of the time I got a flat tire and literally like 5-6 of my boys and I are standing around looking up and watching videos on how to fix a flat tire lol, we even called over another friend who lived nearby to come help us out. I think back to that time my friend had a flat tire and I went to go help her even tho I wasn't too sure what I was doing, but I did it and I was dang proud I did it myself lol. I've had a lot of time to think about life lately. Maybe it's cuz at school I zone out and at work I definitely zone out so I'm always daydreaming or thinking about random stuff LOL. Anyways, I've been thinking about life lately...and you ever feel like you're going down the wrong path, like you know it's the wrong path...but you still keep going. It's funny cuz I feel like growing up, whatever your parents, religion or school teaches you...you're taught to think of what is right and wrong and like whether you're on the right track or not...but like I've been learning in social service work...everything depends on the person and the situation. I dunno where I'm going with this...but I'll end with it...I just feel like I'm lost right now, wandering aimlessly...and I know I shouldn't be...but I don't know which is the right direction I should be moving in. I feel like I'm lacking a lot of guidance and direction in my life right now lol...till next time, whenever that is...peace.

Time, Effort, Energy

So this is one of those posts I had saved in my phone from a long time ago and I'd add to it every now and then when something inspired me along the same lines, but I never got to actually writing it..until now. So I was working on Saturday and we do this thing before every shift called team talk where the manager and people will go over the previous day's sales and random stuff they want us to know about. So my manager, some Japanese dude who's english isn't great and speaks with a hella high voice (just for context and your imagination) starts going on some inspirational Coach Carter speech as if he's trying to win game 7 of the NBA finals LOOOOL...the dude starts going off about valuing your life and your time and putting in the best effort at work or some random shit...in my head I'm just like got damn, if anything...the speech really motivated me to be like well shit...maybe I should be investing my time in something important to me...and it sure ain't this place LOL. If anything it really made me think about whether I see this place in any sort of aspect in my future...which is a hard no to be honest lol. So anyways...let's flashback a couple months, I was in a random section at work folding clothes, daydreaming about random stuff, wondering when the store would close down...you know, the usual stuff LOL. I had a moment where I was like damn...if I put as much time, effort, energy and thought and love and care into this job as I do say like my blog for example...imagine the possibilities LOL I mean I laugh now...but it was a real thought lol...imagine I took all the effort and energy I put into this blog...and put it into something practical, 9 years of work, of my life, of dedication as some people like to tell me...imagine if I transferred that into a career or something, It was a sad thought that I had when I was folding clothes, cuz I'm usually sad when I'm at work cuz it drains you of your soul lol....but it was a real thought that I had lol. That then made me ask the age old question...am I still gonna be doing this when I'm like 30 (blogging I mean)? Like what do I really have to show for this...900,000 views, 9 years worth of posts...some people think it's hella dope...but at that time I was like man can I even consider these like real accomplishments or achievements in comparison to other people who like make a huge sale, close a big deal, earn a huge salary...things some people would consider 'legitimate' milestones. I think the real question I had in my mind at that time was at the end of the day...what do I really have to show for it...is it just the view...at the end of the day it's just a bunch of words on a page...a collection of my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Again...these are all thoughts that I was having when I was standing there in a random sections (M6 for my coworkers) folding clothes lol. With 1 million coming up and 10 years fast approaching...it's made me wondering about the purpose of this blog. I've mentioned the inevitable choice of me one day quitting this blog, but as of late...it's kinda been where I've been finding purpose, it's been the one constant thing in my life as of late. I thought about life without the blog...without this outlet to share and express myself and it made me feel kinda empty...lonely even. Obvs y'all are gonna say well just talk to your friends...yeah, but it's a different kind of expression if you get me. Honestly...a thought I had to myself...when I see myself stopping is maybe when I settle down and find a wife and start a family...because then my wife will be that outlet for me...to share and express everything as I do on this platform...she'll be that purpose y'feel? I mean who knows...maybe I'll take my friend's advice and switch up the blog to like a family blog and tell your boring stories about the stupid stuff my kids do LOL...we'll cross that bridge when we get to it...till then, see y'all soon...peace.

An Update On Life

So I know the blog's been slacking heavy as of late...like posts have been scarce. Honestly, I just haven't had much to say...not much as been going on lately lol. It's just school and work...then gym and trying to have a life in between. Sometimes I'm like I should probably post something, but nothing comes to mind lol. I'll sit in front of the computer for like 15-20 minutes trying to think of something to write about and nothing will come to mind or nothing sounds interesting enough to write about. I guess I'm somebody who just writes very spontaneously and on the spot lol...that's why even tho I say I have like topics on my phone, it's a mood thing, if I'm not feeling it or if I'm not interested in writing about that topic, I'm not gonna write about it. I also feel this weird pressure sometimes...pressure to put out interesting, funny and just quality posts. It gets to a point where I'll push it off a day or two, a few days becomes a week and yeah lol. But oddly enough, the views have still been piling up...in waves, like August and September were POPPIN' for the blog in terms of views...and went from 800k to 900k pretty much in the span of around a month, which is pretty insane to think about. Again, I don't really have much to say...so I'm just gonna spitball everything that;s on my mind and the things that I've been thinking about as of late...

So we sold our house, but we probs won't be moving till like 2020 for sure. The person that bought our house doesn't intend to live in it, so we're renting it back from them...weird I know, but it saves us the hassle of moving to a rental place then moving again to a new house and it gives my parents more time to find a permanent home. My rents wanna go back to Singapore as well as Japan and Thailand for a month in the summer which I'm pretty excited about cuz I haven't been back in like 10 years...that's pretty much when I was in my first year of uni...so clearly a lot has happened and changed. I gotta find a placement for school in /January, but I feel like I've been in school for so long that I have a leg up on a lot of my classmates cuz I know the rundown of how school works, how fast it goes and stuff and in a weird way...I'm stressed about the work, but not really...like I'm pretty chill about ti cuz I know how I like to work and I know how to manage my time somewhat after so many years of being in school lol. What else has been going on...I haven't been to church in like a solid few months...and I don't really know how I feel about that tbh, but maybe I'll save that for another post, it's a weird time in my life right now. I'm definitely at a point in my life where I'm seeing some of my closest friends move on and start to begin their life as like full fledged adults...meaning like moving out, living on your own, thinking about marriage and shit, it's pretty wild...obvs there's a sense of feeling left behind, but what's more is a sense of like losing a friend kinda. I wanted to make a post about this part as well..the fact that I've been thinking a lot about reaching out to a lot of people...but I keep putting it off or stopping myself or wondering if it\s a good idea or just convincing myself that if they wanted to reach out they would...old friends, old flames, people I used to talk to, people I don't see eye to eye with anymore....but at the end of the day people I have love for, but yeah lol. Life goes on and so should you...that's a title of a post I've written, search it up, it's a good one. Again, there's not much on my mind tbh lol...I'm definitely focused on school for sure, with work...it's definitely just a routine, but I enjoy seeing and talking to my coworkers...with the gym, that's like my stress relief...and with friends and having a life and going on dates and what not...that's just extracurricular. I'm at a phase in life where I'm just trying to figure a lot of things out...about life, about love, about myself, about others...so yeah, I'll leave y'all at that...see you soon, peace.

900,000 VIEWS

Got damn, 800,000 came and went real quick didn't it...it's pretty crazy cuz I feel like I haven't really been fully focused on the blog as of late. I mean posts are always coming in and out of my head, but I just haven't been translating it onto the blog lately. School and work have been keeping me busy and trying to have a life in between as well lol. I have a lot of stuff in my head and a lot of stuff planned before the year is over....December is gonna be TEN YEARS since the blog started and a million views is right around the corner...it's a crazy time for the blog and I wanna end of the year with a BANG. I think it's definitely time for a makeover for the blog...I think I've only changed the layout like maybe once or twice...I think only once cuz I vaguely remember what the blog looked like when I first started, but it's definitely time to change things up with our 10 year anniversary coming up and a milli on the horizon. Beyond that man...who knows what's gonna happen...I flip  flop with the idea that hey...maybe 10 years, a million views...it's a good time to slow it down and hang it up...we're in the end game now lol...but then I come back down to earth and I'm like naaaaaah, not yet. It's always funny when people like yo man you're blowing up lol...I've never really seen myself or the blog as a big deal lol, I mean it's cool don't get me wrong lol...but to me, it's like me chilling with my friends, talking about life and shit. I'll save all the sappy, sentimental stuff for the 10 year or the million post...till next time, thank you for effing with me this long...here's some bts pics from the shoot I did for 900,000...see y'all soon.

When The Timing Is Right

Do you ever think about a certain situation you're in...say a relationship, a job, a hobby...and be like...this is it, I know I was placed in this exact spot in this exact moment in time for a reason. Does that even make sense? Like imagine Lebron James...he's probably like, man I was born to do this, to get buckets and to inspire a generation with my story. Or imagine like if you're in a serious relationship and you're in talks of marriage...do you ever have thoughts of like...this is it, I know that I was placed in this situation with this person for a reason. I hope I'm making sense lol...anyways, so I'm sorry for going ghost these past 2 weeks but school's been getting a bit busy as of late, but that's also kinda what I wanted to talk to you guys about. If you guys don't know I'm in social work and in a lot of the courses if not all the courses I'm taking, they talk a lot about feelings and emotions and looking inwards and introspecting and how important it is to be open with your thoughts, feelings and emotions in order to be able to help clients to the best of your ability. Like I'm not even trying to toot my own horn...but I've heard a lot from my friends or from people like oh you're a really good listener or oh you're really easy to talk to and what not. I'm really enjoying school and the stuff that we're learning about...yeah it's hard work and yeah there's a lot to do...but it's interesting. This one courses I'm taking especially...is called interpersonal communication and a lot of it is just looking inward and being self aware because the more aware you are of yourself, your own needs, your own thoughts and emotions...the more aware and helpful you can be towards other people. We had to do this assignment about emotion and honestly it felt like I was writing in my blog...except it was a paper that I had to hand in. My prof was like “the more you're able to reflect and introspect, the more you'll enjoy your job and the less likely you'll burn out.” Obviously I understand it's not just gonna be talking to people and having a good ol time...but the more I learn about the job and the kinda stuff you have to do...and moreso the kinda person you have to be...I sometimes get the feeling of like shoot...I feel like I was put in this program for a reason...at this specific moment in time, 27 years old, having graduated from university and gotten some work experience and been through plenty of ups and dwns of life...I feel like the timing is right, I'm more mature, I understand myself and my feelings more and I'm much more comfortable in being open with it and with my struggles and hardships...I feel like I was put here for a reason. I really hope I'm making sense and that you're still with me lol. It's cool cuz I'm still learning things about myself things I can work on if I intend on being a social worker and how I can really help people and be available...and it's also things I take with me to my daily life...when I'm interacting with my friends and trying to be there for them, it's funny when I catch myself saying things or applying things from class to conversations with my friends and I'm like oh true lol. Again, it makes sense in my head lol...being in class, being in this program...in this current stage and point in my life...it just feels right.