Rejection & Failture

Sometimes, it isn't even about winning, completing or getting something...it's about doing it for the sake of saying you did it. A lot of times, rejection and failure can be your greatest teacher and also motivator. A lot of people are afraid of rejection and failure and understandably so. Nobody ever wants to hear no or that they didn't make the cut or that they failed...but sometimes it's what you need. I remember watching this youtuber channel called 'Simple Pickup' where they go and essentially 'pick up' girls and also teach guys how to pick up girls but moreso how to be confident. One video they talked about going out with the sole intention of trying to be rejected a many times as possible so that it gets to a point where when you hear no, it's not that big a deal. I think for me especially, when you hear no...when you hear you didn't make a team or didn't get in to a program...it scares you off from trying again because you don't wanna be rejected again...it's embarrassing, it sucks, no one wants to hear that. But again, its a healhy and necessary partof life that sometimes you hear yes and sometimes you hear no. I've failed tests, been cut from teams, not got into programs and of course...got rejected by girls...it happens. Sometimes, you just gotta do it for the sake of doing it.Confidence is such an attractive quality, for women and men imo. I remember one time at a wedding, seeing this one girl kinda doing her own thing with no one really to talk to. So I went up to her and struck up a conversation and we talked throughout the night. After I sat back at my table and a couple hours had passed, I was like screw it, I'm gonna ask her for her number before she leaves...and so I did and I got her number and texted her and she eventually told me she had a boyfriend but I was super proud of myself for just going up to her, striking up a conversation and asking for her number. Another instance was when I was with my friends shopping and I told them I thought this associate was suuuuper cute but we had left the store already. My friend's like you won't ask her for her number and I said bet, so we literally walked back to the store and bro I was so nervous...I walked around the store for a good 2 minutes (they were standing outside) before finally sucking it up, finding some courage and approaching her and saying whats up and asking for her number, she told me she had a boyfriend and was super flattered and gave me her facebook instead. Again, it's not the fact that I got rejected and only got her facebook...but it's the simple fact that I found the courage to just go and do it and didn't let that fear of "oh well what if she says no" stop me. That mentality can be so crippling cuz it stops you from just living...from literally and figuratively shooting your shot. You're gonna miss, that's what happens when you shoot a shot, you make or you miss...but that doesn't stop you from shooting...and I mean that in a physical and metaphorical way lol. Rejection and failure is a natural part of life and you shouldn't let that stop you from just going ahead and doing whatever it is just to say you did it, that you didn't let fear or failure or rejection stop you.

Regret

Regret is a funny feeling when you think about it. It doesn’t change anything and it doesn’t help you in any way but we still do it. We dwell and we linger and we regret decisions we’ve made, mistakes we’ve made, people we’ve dated, people we’ve befriended. We think to ourselves well damn, what if I didn’t do that...what if things had worked out with this person...what if I did this instead. I always try to tell myself to keep moving forward, to not dwell in the past cuz it distracts from the present but sometimes you can’t help it. When you do something you usually don’t or wouldn’t and you’re just like frick what did I just do and why did I just do it? The funny thing about regret is when you tell people about it and you get different responses, some people might see it as bigger deal than you but for the most part people will see it as a smaller deal and tell you to relax lol. I think that’s why it’s always important to get different perspectives and opinions...to put everything into a bigger picture perspective. For me, when stuff happens it’s like the end of the world and I totally shut down...but when my friends put it into bigger picture perspective that’s when I’m like well damn you’re right...it isn’t that big a deal or it is all in my head. Everyone has regrets...big or small, meaningful or meaningless, but it’s always important to take a step back or if you can’t, share it with someone and have them help you take a step back and see the bigger picture. I regret a lot of things in my life...I regret not going to college instead of university...I regret breaking up with one of my exes through text LOL...I regret not being more straight up and direct with some of my friends...but everything is what it is and me dwelling on that stuff won’t change anything. I mean regret can be a good teacher if you change your ways or if you move differently afterwards, but if you’re just sitting there sulking and freaking out over a bad decision or whatever then that’s not helpful or productive in any way. It’s funny cuz I needed a total stranger to help remind me of that and then a few friends really helped me drive it home knowing how I like to overreact to things lol...so thank you for that. Sorry for being ghost as of late and slow...it’s been a little busy as of late, but maybe I’ll do an update post sooner rather than later for those who care lol.

The Friends In Your Surrounding Environment

What’s good, it’s been a while lol. You know what’s something super random that I think about...I look at the people in my life, usually it’s the new or newer people that I’ve recently met and I ask myself oh I wonder if these friendships will last beyond the confinements of where we see each other everyday. Like let’s take your coworkers for example, these are people that you see and talk to everyday that you can’t help but built bonds with them. But at the same time I can’t see myself hanging out with most of them outside of work if that makes sense LOL. I was talking with my coworker and we were just like oh yeah do you think these people will be friends or will still be dating or whatever outside of work or something like that lol. Even take that thought into a school or church setting, there’s a lot of people I’ve met through school where I saw them super frequently but once school ended and I didn’t see them as much the friendship faded. Same with church, seeing people every week you get so used to it and like oh hey so what’re we doing next Sunday or oh hey let’s go here for lunch that when you don’t see them every Sunday anymore it’s either oh hey let’s chill or welp I haven’t seen or talked to this person in a while. I mean like you obviously have your core group of friends that’s there and your relationships are established that nothing will change for the most part. But it’s the friends that are made from your current environment that always has me asking myself like oh yeah these times are dope, we share about our lives, we have meaningful conversations, but does it go beyond our environment if one of us leaves, does that kinda make sense lol. I mean like ever since leaving my old church or seeing my friends leave the church, I don’t see or talk to a lot of them unfortunately. And it takes a real concerted effort to be like oh hey how’ve you been or oh hey let’s meet up, it’s a pretty small handful that I’d say I still keep in constant communication with and it’s crazy to think like that because i was super close with some of these people. Similarly at work it’s like yo I’ve really grown to enjoy the company of certain people and I enjoy being around them that it’s like yo if or when the time comes I leave that place will I still keep in contact with them like that? Again, these are just random things that go on in my mind about the people and groups of people in my life lol...till next time, deuces!

Life

You ever get that feeling when something happens that you just don’t know how to respond. You ask a lot of questions, but nothing really makes sense and you’re having trouble just understanding what’s going on and why it’s going on. I think back to my second year of university...where I failed 3 courses, had my MacBook stolen, lost my wallet, took the rest of the year off and just struggled finding purpose, finding reason and an explanation as to why any of this was necessary. I struggled to find any bit of light in my life and I was in a hella dark place for a long while. When you get hit with life altering situations, you never really know how to process it, how to deal with it because it’s new, it’s something you’ve never experienced before and you find yourself asking why you of all people. It’s super cliche to say life goes on and you shouldn’t be dwelling on negative situations and stuff...but man sometimes things happen that are just so out of the blue and hit you so overwhelmingly hard you can’t help but just sit there and try to make sense of everything. I’ve been struggling a lot in my faith for a long while and when things like this happen, you can’t help but ask and question and wonder...I dunno. Life and death is such a crazy concept to think about. When someone passes away you wanna be sad and think about how unfair it is and why now and why him/her...but it’s also a celebration of life, a celebration of living and of everything in between and you catch yourself in the midst of sadness thinking of all the good times, of all the memories, of everything the person represented and meant to you and impacted you. I just feel like I have so many things in my head that I can’t really put into words right now and I apologize for that. I’ll see y’all soon.

700,000 VIEWS

So I know it’s kinda a little overdue...and I kinda already made a post about it on Instagram saying most of what I wanted to say. But I wanted to share with y’all some behind the scenes photos of that day that I didn’t post. 700,000...I’m super thankful and appreciative that’s for sure but I’m keeping my eyes forward, focusing on what’s ahead, on what’s next. I’ve been struggling to find inspiration lately, some of the posts and ideas have in mind take a lot of time and effort and those are 2 things I don’t have much of atm lol. I’ve been in a weird funk lately, but it’s a comfortable funk, one that I’m okay with being in for the time being. Summer is one of those times that’s always super busy because there’s so much going on and now on top of that I’m in the process of moving as well so there’s just a lot on my plate atm. It’s even been hard to keep up with people and friends, I’ve been slacking in a lot of aspects in my life lately. Work consumes half if not much more of my time, then I’ve been spending a lot of time at the gym lately which I think is paying off cuz I’ve had a bunch of people tell me I’ve gotten bigger LOL. The leftover time that I do have if I’m not super tired I try to catch up with friends or give myself some me time. But yeah I digress, 700,000 has come and gone and I’m already thinking of what to do for 800,000 and for the blog’s TEN YEAR ANNIVERSARY HOLYYYYYYY, I just took that in oh man...anyways hope y’all enjoy some of the photos that didn’t make it onto my Instagram!

Shoutouts to Leayen Lam for helping my capture this moment! Find her here @root2photography on Instagram and her website http://www.root2photography.com/

Growth

Hey y’all, so it’s been a while I know lol...2 weeks to be exact. Which isn’t a long time but it feels like it’s been a while. I feel like so much has been going on but at the same time I also haven’t been doing much other than the usual, but it feels like a lots been happening. Shoutout one time to the Raptors and the city of Toronto...got damn, I know the majority (like 85%) of y’all reading this are from Toronto but if you’re not, man...this city has been just in its heels this entire playoff run and culminating with the championship...I was able to go downtown with my friends and it was so crazy, the electricity and the energy was insane, a night I’ll never forget for sure.

So moving on, I haven’t had much to talk about which is also why I didn’t post anything. I had some small stuff but nothing I felt I could make a blog post out of. Then it hit me a couple days ago when I was at the gym, doing chest and doing the bench press. I usually stick in dumbbells cuz I have no spotter but every 1-2 weeks I’ll switch it up and use the barbell and slowly move up in weight but keeping a comfortable pace. So I was doing a set and that’s when it hit me that I’ve been getting much stronger as of late. Obvs the physical changes are slowly and steady getting there, but I was so excited to know and feel that I’ve been getting stronger. Now I don’t say that out of cockiness or to boast, I say that cuz it’s such a dope feeling to see physical improvements and change and growth in yourself. And you can take that and apply that to anything, to your mind or your life or your current situation. Just being able to physically see improvements like better test scores, healthier relationships with people, more relaxed state of mind. It’s probably one of the most encouraging feelings seeing self growth and self improvement. It’s one thing for people to say wow you’ve become a better person since so and so, or wow you’ve skimmed down or gotten taller. But to really see and FEEL it for yourself is such an incredible feeling. But at the same time, especially with working out cuz that’s what I’ve been super into lately...it’s not going to happen overnight, it’s gonna take time and it’s gonna take hard work and commitment, but if you stay the course, you’ll see improvements. Whether it’s a stressful situation you’re dealing with, an argument with a loved one...all that stuff gets better in time but also with work. I dunno man, it’s just been such a nice feeling as of late that despite how busy and depressing a vibe work can be, I can getaway and do my own thing with my friends but also go to the gym by myself and just zone out. You choose you push yourself and go as hard as you want, some days you feel better and stronger than others, some days you feel crumby and weaker than others...just gotta push through and grind. Till next time...which might be 700k, I’ll see you soon. Don’t think I didn’t notice...about that...I’ve been grinding and working on the low low...stay tuned!

When It Finally Hits You...

My bad, I know it's been a while...this is something I started a long time ago and picked back up recently. I meant to post earlier, but I decided to hold off and instead finish this piece and post it instead.

You know that feeling when you’re in a zone and you just run with it. Like when you’re writing an essay and the words are just coming to you so you just go with it. That’s how it is for me at least...I used to save a lot of essays till the last week, but that’s how I operate weirdly enough...then I’d just go off and write pages at a time. Same with like sports or working out, when you’re in that zone you’re so focused and locked in. Anyways, this is something I never planned on finishing...cuz I never thought and never wanted to go back to these emotions, but I did and so here it is lol. The more I thought about it, the more the words just came and I just dug deeper into those emotions and finished it. With writing I feel like I’m a little bit of a perfectionist cuz I read it and sound it out in my head as if I’m saying it...and I want it to all flow smoothly...so sometimes I’ll leave stuff for a short while or usually a long while and revisit it a while later and if I can channel those emotions I’ll keep it going, if not I’ll come back to it another time lol. That’s why on my phone I have hella unfinished pieces or like a few bars I wrote at the time lol. Anyways I digress...here you go...


When It Finally Hits You...
When it finally hits you, just know it hit me harder
You went the distance for me just know I always went farther
Sometimes it felt like you were there when the timing was right for you
Then you were absent when it mattered and the moments I needed you to

It always felt right when we spent time together
Even after a couple months of not seeing each other
Time passed and feelings lingered as they always tend to do
I start getting on with my life, and then I meet up with you

I think it’s time I finally let you go
Even if I’ve never really truly let you know
Never had the strength to look you in your eyes and tell you how I feel inside
So now I set you free into the arms of another guy

I see your face every single time I close my eyes
It’s crazy now you’re someone that I hardly recognize
I’ve said it a hundred times in my mind but never to your face
And now the only thing between us is distance and space

So when it finally hits you, I’ll be long gone
No more staring out the window listening to sad songs
Our paths will cross again in time because they always do
So this is closure for me and a farewell to you

RT