What You Say vs How You Say It

Wow, it feels like I haven't talked to y'all in months, but in actuality its only been 2 weeks. Let me start off by saying that I feel like how you say something is just as if not more important than what you're actually saying. Tone is very important...that's how a lot of messages get misinterpreted. You can say something nice to somebody, but if you say it in a rude way, it's gonna be taken negatively. I had a friend go up to another friend and go wow, your singing was really good today...but his tone didn't sound sincere even though he was, so my friend who received the compliment goes are you being sarcastic? That's just a small example of how saying something nice but in a bad tone can be interpreted differently. On the flip side, you can say something mean but in a nice tone and people wouldn't even realize it...like take roasting for example...whether about someone's clothes, looks, it's all in your tone right...I can go to my friend and be like WOW, you look horrible today...but if I say it in a joking, jolly manner...he'll probably laugh it off y'know? I'm gonna share with y'all three instances that kinda inspired this post, but I'm gonna try my best to keep it short as well.

1) So I played softball this season and we hopped diamonds a lot of cuz they would be taken a lot of the times. So one day, we go to this diamond and another team comes up to us and go oh we've been at this diamond for a couple years now, we don't own it, but it would be common courtesy for you guys to essentially give us the diamond. Now what I just said didn't seem too rude, but the guy who I was talking to was hella rude, understandably stressed for having to deal with this...but he was also forceful and wouldn't let me get a word in. He kept bringing up common courtesy and respect...and I said to him okay, if you expect respect, you should be giving me the same by letting me talk instead of cutting me off every chance you get, you don't own the diamond...ESPECIALLY when you want something from someone, a favour, whatever it may be...TONE becomes extremely key. You don't get in someone's face and expect respect if you aren't willing to show that same respect backward.s. So an hour later a different guy approaches me and we talk about the same thing, but in a very calm, back and forth conversation. I told him, listen...I respect you coming here and having a civilized conversation with me, the other guy came and was whining like a baby, not letting me talk, I get he's stressed, but that's not how you talk to people. I told him it's not my wish to cause trouble and I'd have gladly gave him the diamond for future use if he had talked to my civilly and like a human being. So that was that, the second guy was cool and I decided to leave at that and give them that diamond.

2) Wow that first one was longer than expected. So this second one was like a week or so ago...I went to Starbucks with a friend and after a while we decided to switch to another coffee shop across the street for better wifi. We sat down and didn't buy anything, our bad obviously but I didn't wanna spend more money, my bad also cuz my Starbucks cup was on the table. We were sitting outside and after a couple minutes, this guy comes out and goes oh you can't have that cup here, I'm like oh okay, sorry, you want me to throw it out? He's like no, I think you better leave. Not wanting to start trouble, I'm like oh okay...I get it, but then he goes, can I get you anything? I'm like uh...yeah nah, I'm good. He's like alright, I think you better leave then. Part of me wanting to kick the table over right in front of him. I get it, our bad, it's not cool to chill and just not buy anything...but like don't talk to me like that then ask me if I wanna buy anything...like that's not you talk to customers and that's definitely not how you get people to buy your product.

3) This one happened today actually, which kinda triggered this whole post and reminded me of it. So I walk into this meeting late cuz my ride and everyone wanted to get drinks, so I had to wait, regardless of it I got a drink or not. I sit down with my boy and I take out my phone to look at it and this guy goes hey, can you put your phone away, you're already half an hour late. Like okay dad...first of all, don't talk to me like I'm a little kid. I'm just gonna keep it at that cuz I really wanted to go off on him then and now...but it ain't worth it. Bottom line is, how you speak to people is important. If you had whispered to me to put my phone away, or did it in a subtle way, that'd have been cool...but you somehow always gotta make it seem like you're an alpha eh, that's all I gotta say, watch your tone. Just like that dude at the softball diamond or the coffee shop owner...how you say things dictates you someone responds to you, it dictates the mood of the situation and conversation. In all three situations, if the softball dude, the coffee shop owner or this guy spoke to me differently, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did and am right now. Obviously I'm not saying I handle situations perfectly either, these are just some examples, I'm giving from my life...that people have thrown at me, that reminded me how important it is to watch HOW you say things to people and not just WHAT you say to them. I know this post has been a bit long...but it's been two weeks, I got a lot to catch up on lol, peace.

It's Not Me, It's You

So I was driving a couple of days ago and was suddenly hit with a bunch of thoughts, a bunch of emotions...and I had to write it all down on my phone before I forgot cuz I was like wow this is such a dope topic for the blog. So I'm literally driving, obvs with my head up and focusing on the road...but I\m like texting on my phone on the notes app LOL...I'm like typing down all my thoughts and all the things I wanna talk about so I don't forget and once I get to a red light, I look at it and for the most part, it's pretty legible and easy to understand lol, so I quickly finish it up and here we go lol.

I think for both guys and girls...when you like somebody and say they don't like you back or things just don't get up working out...the first question we tend to ask is well what happened? How come they don't like me or how come it didn't work out? Did I do something? Was it me? And the more I sat in my car and thought about it...the more I thought about all the girls I liked....that either didn't like me back or that just didn't seem to work out. It made me think...dang...all these girls and relationships that just didn't work out...is it me? What's wrong with me? Why does this keep happening? I for once start thinking about myself, my personality, my approach and all that stuff...well maybe I'm too forward, maybe I need to change this about myself or change that about myself. Then the more I thought about it...I was like wait...that it's not me, it's YOU. Now hold up...lemme clarify before you go off on me and be like wow Rodmond, you're not all that. What I mean...is like when a girl doesn't like me or when things just don't end up working out...I tend to start looking at myself...and seeing well what can I change or improve about myself to make girls like me, to make sure things work out next time. And the more I thought about it...that's a terrible way to approach things. Like wow, she didn't like me cuz I was too nice, alright time to be a dick. Wow she didn''t like me because I wasn't into this hobby, time to learn everything I can about it so she'll like me. I guess what I'm trying to say is...personality wise, trait wise, character wise...it's not me, it's you. You...me...we shouldn't have to change ourselves, our personalities or force something to get someone to like us y'feel. As cliche as it sounds,be yourself. That's what I mean when I say it's not me, it's you. It's you because you just aren't the one for me, it's you because we just don't have that chemistry, we don't match well together, and that's okay...what's not okay is changing yourself to fit another person. I thought about it like a puzzle...if every single person is an individual puzzle peace...say you go out with a girl and it doesn't work out or she doesn't like you back...you don't cut the corners of the puzzle piece, you don't try to jam it into another puzzle piece...you find the puzzle piece that it actually fits into. And that's kinda how I'm seeing this right now...you shouldn't change your personality or force yourself to fit into someone else's mold...you just keep swimming until you find that other puzzle piece that fits you and vice versa. I say this because as I was thinking about al the girls that didn't like me back or didn't work out...it really made me feel bad, it really made me feel like something was wrong with me, that there was something I needed to change about myself or add to myself as a person...and it shouldn't be like that...for anybody. Your perfect or at least close to perfect puzzle piece is somewhere out there...you just have to have the patience and persistence to find it. Peace out.

Expectations vs Reality

Yo shoutout to my barber one time for inspiring me to write about this after the conversation we had. So he makes music and we were talking about how you have to be adaptable. How you truly have to love what you do and do it because of that and not because of the views or because you want to blow up or because of what people think. Perspectives are always differing and when you start doing something like music for the people, you set yourself up for disappointment. When you start doing it for the attention and the views is when you start losing motivation, that's kinda what sometimes happens to me with this blog. As a musician or a blogger...everything that I write, that I post...I think is dope, I think is quality and good content, otherwise I wouldn't post it. But not everyone who reads my posts will think the same way. Some posts that I write and post, people may think wow this is hella boring, wow this is garbage or wow this is poorly written. If I did it solely for the sake of people's opinions and thoughts, it could become hella demoralizing. In the same way, there are some posts I work really hard on and spend a lot of time on...in my head I'm like ALRIGHT, I know this post is gonna blow up, people are gonna love it...and sometimes, they don't end up feeling that way. On the flip side, sometimes I gingerly write a quick post with little thought and it does really well or gets a lot of views. You kinda see how if I did it solely for the views and people's attention how it could be super draining for me. In the same way I was telling my barber, every song you make, you think this is the one, this is a banger...but sometimes it's not always the case. Even the most popular artists you'll hear them talk about oh, this song on the album is my favourite or oh this song on the album means the most to me...and you'll be like what I never heard of that song or wow I would've never guessed. It's just interesting, cuz sometimes I get so caught up in trying to make the right post...the "right" post...that'll catch people's attention, that'll entertain people...that when it doesn't do as well as I had hoped, I get disappointed. I just gotta remind myself to do this all for myself...that everything else that comes along with it is just bonus. On that note...shoutout to my barber again for that reminder...and here's a link to what I think is his dopest song...give it a listen!

Top 5: First Date Tips

Hey so remember like a month ago when I was like yeah...I'm gonna start doing these a top 10 list kinda thing each week or at least as consistently as I'll try to be...yeah, I don't remember that either LOL. But I was serious about WANTING to do it, that's for sure. One thing I've realized after experiencing it myself when reading other people\s blogs is that WOW, long posts are HELLA boring...okay not entirely, but I mean I've noticed when posts are super long, I usually skim through or read very quickly...unless the title or content is VERY interesting, most of the time...as I'm sure you've probably done to long posts on this blog...we skim or skip cuz...it's too long fam. So that's why I decided to cut the Top 10 into a Top 5. I've never considered myself a ladies man, but I've been on my share of first dates and I've also been on my share of second dates, so I'd like to think I'm doing something right lol, but then again this is all subjective, everyone is different. These are just my opinions and some tips that may or may not help you. Boys, feel free to take notes...girls, feel free to make a checklist for your next first date.

First dates are really important...it determines if there'll be a second date and it also determines if there's potential in this pairing. So yeah, here are 5 (hopefully) helpful tips for y'all.

1. SET THE TONE
Setting the kind of tone you want during your first date is very important. Setting the tone includes things like what you're wearing, where you're going and what you're doing. My opinion on setting the tone is to keep things as light and as casual as possible. First dates are like getting your feet wet, when you're at the pool or the beach, you don't jump into the water right away...you dip your feet into the water to see how cold or hot it is...you're feeling it out, same thing for first dates. You don't wanna be too serious too fast. As for attire, even tho we're keeping in casual, try to look nice..clean up a bit, dress for the occasion. I've never been a fan of movies or loud places for first dates. First of all, you don't talk during the movies...and isn't that the point of the date, to get to know the girl? As for loud places...well you won't be able to hear each other. I personally enjoy going for bubble tea, coffee, dessert, something where it's chill and y'all can get to know each other. I specifically say these things instead of lunch or dinner because they're light hearted, you can grab them to go, it's just a chill atmosphere where as with lunch or dinner, there's lots of room for awkwardness and silence. If you wanna spruce it up a bit...activities are always good for first dates, depending on your date of course. Mini golf. pool, pottery, painting, rock climbing, parks...all these things create distraction and eliminate the dead space y'feel...you're always doing something and there's so much room for conversation along the way. Whether you're already friends or she's a stranger, setting the setting the tone is very important.

2. PAY FOR THE BILL
Wow so tip 1 was a lot longer than I had hoped, but it is the most important and the rest of these tips all coincide with setting the tone, so in trying to keep this post short, the rest of these will hopefully not be as long. But yeah pay the bill (you may or may not agree with this)...this coincides with tip 1. The more casual, the more cost efficient it'll also likely to be. You asked her out (most likely), now if she declines and offers to pay, ISSA TRAP, jokes, but kindly refuse and be a good guy. Now if she REEEEALLY insists on paying, good luck with that one LOL. For girls...despite what I said in this tip...still offer to pay, it's common courtesy you know. I had one girl LITERALLY slide me the bill when it came...that was the last time we spoke LOL. Ladies, if he asks to split the bill. he's probably not a real one, nor is into you unfortunately.

3. BE CHIVALROUS
Chivalry is not dead my friends. I'm serious, don't laugh. My first date with this one girl...I waited outside my car, she came out and I opened the door for her and she was like wow no one's ever done that for me before. At the end of the night, walk her to the door fam, I don't care if it's right there...it leaves room for you to try to hold her hand, maybe go for that first kiss...think about it. If not (which I highly recommend you do), AT LEAST, wait until she goes inside before zooming away...so many times I've seen guys drive away before the girl or anybody they're driving home is inside yet...that's irresponsible. ALWAYS be prepared...this means umbrellas, long sleeves or jackets in case it rains or she gets cold...those kinda things. It was raining one night and so I walked up to my date's door with an umbrella and walked her to my car and opened it for her  as she got in. Little things matter boys...be a gentleman, not a dick.

4. LISTEN MORE THAN YOU SPEAK
Girls in general like a good listener, I've learned that first hand. Listen intentionally.What does that mean? With purpose...listen because you care and want to know. Not like when your parents tell you to clean your room, you're listening, but you don't really care. Little details are important my friends. I can't tell you the amount of times I've brought up random little details about my dates or random girl friends and they went wow, I can't believe you remembered that or hit me with an aww that's so sweet you remembered. Little details are key my friends...and that comes when you listen to what they are saying intently and purposefully.

5. BE YOURSELF
Lastly boys...and girls, be yourself...forreal. It'll help the filter process for one. You'll also see if there's any potential in this. If you're pretending to be someone you're not, to like something you don't...you're only setting yourself up for failure down the line. If you're real...as weird, dumb, stupid or lame as you might be...if she likes you, at least she likes you for you...and not cuz you pretended to be like this or to like this. That goes for any kind of relationship or friendship...be yourself, it's too underrated nowadays.

I hope that was helpful or at least entertaining for y'all...I did my best to keep it on the shorter side...hope you enjoyed reading this, till next time...peace out,

Are You A Supportive Friend?

Sometimes, I wonder and question if or how much of a supportive friend I am? What I mean by this? Well, when good things happen to your friends...what are your first thoughts? Do you get jealous, do you compare yourself, do you think that you could do/are better? Do you celebrate with them or are you secretly wishing/hoping they fail or fall? Say a friend gets good grades...are you happy for them, or do you compare yourself do them...do you say to yourself, oh I could do better. Similarly, if a friend gets a promotion or a new job...same thing, are you happy for them, or secretly wishing they don't succeed? As a supportive friend, your friend's triumphs...successes...should be your victories as well, they're your friend, they're like an extension of you, sorta. I think for me...one thing I always do is compare...which makes me wonder if I'm a supportive friend sometimes. If a friend gets a good grade, gets a job...my first instinct is to sometimes compare myself to them. I would hope you never wish your friends to fail or to fall...that's pretty terrible...and suspect. But I think it's pretty normal to compare yourself...especially to your friends because you're around them so much and they're part of your inner circle. But while saying that...I would say most times...I'm super happy for my friends...good grades, new job, girlfriend, whatever it might...for the most part, I'm usually super happy for my friends...especially when I get to see the journey that got to that point. But sometimes, you can't help but compare their victory to your own life...to your own wins and losses you know. I think that's fairly natural...but I would still consider myself a supportive friend. The friends that are real sneaky are the ones that are secretly wishing for your downfall, constantly comparing WITH the intention to do better, to surpass, to beat...y'feel? I think I more so compare in a sense of like oh wow, they're doing great, I wish I could do that or be like that...but the other side of the coin is more of a looking at them as competition that you HAVE to do better than. So yeah, I don't wanna ramble too much before I stop making sense...so yeah, I know it's been a while, what else is new, I'll see you soon, hopefully...peace out.

Finding Your Voice

Like I always share with you guys, I've always struggled with having a voice...or finding my voice in the crowd. I always say even in most of my circles of friends, I'm the quiet one...I guess part of that has shaped me into (I'd like to think) a good listener. I guess that's also why this blog has become such a special thing thing...place...for me. It's mine, it's my voice...being heard. It's my place to say whatever I want, to say the things I sometimes am scared to say or to say the things that people simply don't hear me say sometimes. In a crowd, in a group of friends...everyone's always talking...it's easy to accidentally neglect people, to not hear a voice. As of late, I've been having trouble finding my own voice...or at least hearing my own voice. I feel like I'm a person who\s easily influenced. When someone tells me their opinion about something...it like slowly starts becoming my own opinion...not my will, but I'm just like wow, that's a really good point, maybe they're right...and it starts to push my own voice aside. Does that kinda make sense? After graduating high school, I struggled for a long while figuring out what I wanted to do with my life. I think that I've finally realized that I want to be a teacher (hence a bunch of old posts about teaching). But sometimes...I wonder if that's really my own voice, my own ideal. People are always like yeah yo Rodmond, you'd be a dope teacher, I can fully see you being a teacher, kids love you, you're so relatable. People at my church are like wow, you teacher Sunday school, you're so good with those kids, they really like you, you're meant to be a teacher. Then there's also my old teacher who's like YO, you're meant for this job, if you need ANYTHING, I will do everything in my power to help you get to where you wanna be. All these voices surrounding me are telling me one thing...sometimes, I lose track and lose hearing of my own voice. Well do I really wanna be a teacher? Is this really what I wanna do? Or is it because everyone is telling me I should do it, that I'd be good at it, that they can see me doing it that I begin to say to myself...well maybe they're right. That's kinda been my struggle for the longest time...figuring out what I wanna do with my life. Trying to find my own voice in the midst of all these other voices around me. It's hard with my personality...I like to accommodate, to compromise, to make sure everyone gets their word in...all that in itself makes it even harder sometimes to find and hear my own voice. It's something I'm working on, but it's just who I am. So yeah, there's really no conclusion to this...I'm still struggling to find my voice, to figure out exactly what it is that I want, and trying my best not to let the voices of others be the sole influence in my life...thanks for sticking with me through all these slow posts and days where there's nothing going on, I appreciate it, peace.

400,000 VIEWS

Hey friends...I'm a little late, what else is new. But wow...400,000 views...that's...a little unreal and a tad bit unbelievable. I'm super blown away by the constant support from my friends and the people around me. Sometimes it makes me feel like this blog really has an impact on some people...when they tell me wow, I really relate to this post, wow it's like you read my mind, wow I really like when you said this or that...I love for that stuff, but I don't live for it that's for sure. It's been suuuuch a long journey...to think I've been doing this since high school. It's weird seeing the kiddies at my church who I've seen grow up from little kids all grown and getting ready to leave and start university...geez, can life slow down a bit please? But um, yeah...I don't have much to say...I can sit here all day and be like oh wow we've come so far, oh man this, that...but I won't. I'm very thankful...but the grind continues...I'm gonna continue striving to put out quality posts, dope content that hopefully you can relate to or at least entertain you. With that...I'll see you in another 100,000...catch you on the flip side...thank you, peace out.

Here's some behind the scenes from the MANY photos my friends helped me take that didn't end up on my instagram. Shoutouts to my boys Josh and Gerald for the help, love you guys.