Tell Me How You Really Feel

Summer's over, just like that...wow. Kinda bittersweet, seeing everyone go back to school, seeing kids start high school, seeing kids start and/or go off to university. It really is bittersweet, I'm praying for so many of my fellow brothers and sisters out there, for strength this coming school year...in all aspects...physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. Be strong kiddies.

I always talk about how things have changed, how I've changed, how this blog has changed. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, it all depends on perspective. Back then, some of my friends would always joke with me, for example when they asked me how I felt about a certain topic of situation and I would give them an answer, they would be like oh let's just go on his blog later and see how he really feels. Or when an argument or some sort of conflict happened, the other person's initial reaction is to check my blog to see how I feel and what I'm thinking about the whole situation. It's kinda like they thought I never shared the truth with them. It was more like I never really shared EVERYTHING that was on my mind for fear of causing more conflict, either that or it was one of those things where you think of so many dope things to say after the argument is done, ya feel. But yeah, the good thing about the blog...well kinda, is that I'm so loaft. Again, perspective right lol...the positive in this situation is that because I'm so loaft, that same course of action doesn't really work anymore because I'm so loaft with putting posts out lol. Tbh right now, I don't even know what direction this blog is heading in atm...a lot of the posts on this blog lately have been like stories or old experiences. I wanna keep it fresh, current, without being too boring you know. So bear with me, I've been doing this for 6 years, but I'm only just beginning to figure things out. Honestly, I didn't even really start blogging with passion till like a couple of years ago, if y'all know the story, I won't go into detail. 2011 or so was when the blog started gaining more attention and it was there I started taking it more seriously. So even to this day, I'm still trying to figure things out and plan the next couple steps for this blog. But I am excited to share this journey with you guys, till the next post, peace.

Where Have I Been?

Hello friends, it's been a long time, too long...I apologize. My friends recently started this thing where if someone tells a joke and no one laughs, you have to apologize LOL. I feel like with the amount of times I kinda go mia for a while, y'all would be like...apologize, so I'm sorry. I don't got no post for y'all today, well I mean I do, but I kinda wanna just talk to you guys for a sec if that's okay, update y'all with what's been going on in life and such. It's back to school season, some kids are already back to school...so Rodmond, what're you up to? Well if you've been keeping up with my life, I recently graduated (finally). But ya boy is going back to school, for one year...at least lol. The plan is to go back to school and get another degree (it'll only take one year cuz of transfer credits). What happens after all depends on how well I do this school year. I have a general plan/idea of the paths that lie in front of me after this school year...but y'all know my perspective that motives, feelings and such can change at any given time so I always do my best to stay flexible. Summer has been very interesting...for the most part, I don't really feel like I did anything amazingly productive, more like little things here and there. Technically I've been off school since like January, so it's been a LONGGGGG summer...tho I did do things in between like volunteer and such. Life has been good tho...peaceful, stress free, happy, joyful, purposeful. It's been real nice...usually I'm always coming to you guys with like oh man I got so much school work, oh man there's this girl, oh man there's drama here, drama there...today, I come to you, just wanting to talk, catch up...and let y'all know what I've been up to for the most part. It's been a lot of me time that's for sure, A LOT of me time. I'd say life's been moving very slow as of late, and I've been embracing that with open arms and taking whatever comes to me at that given moment. But I'm kinda ready for life to quicken up the pace and I'm pretty sure that's gonna happen with this coming school year. To sum up life as of late, the perfect word would be autopilot LOOOL...I've literally been coasting, feeling like life's been going at 40 mph...it's been nice that's for sure, it's given me lots of time to reflect, to learn, to enjoy and to relax. I'm definitely ready and have already begun filling my plate with things to do and responsibilities to carry. I'm turning 25 next year...adulthood seems to be knocking louder and louder on my door as time passes. One thing I've always promised myself is to always have that inner child in me...you know how some people are like, once you're a certain age you have to grow up and mature and you're not a kid anymore. I get that, but I always wanna have that kid in me for certain occasions...I still wanna be able to make stupid jokes, play video games and such. Just cuz you're an adult doesn't mean you have to be boring. One thing I've always felt about myself is that I was pretty relatable and approachable when it came to the younger generation...and I hope to never lose that side of me even when I'm older. But uh, yeah...I guess that's kinda what I've been up to and where I've been at as of late, if you cared enough to read this far...then thanks lol.

Life Is Beautiful Part 2

Part 1

I always struggle with thinking of interesting titles, while also trying not to be too click bait-y. So what usually happens is I type a title into the search bar and find a similar post and I'm just like oh, well...might as well name this blah blah part 2, so here y'all go.

Life is a mystery, a journey...a beautiful, long, stressful, exciting, ever-changing mystery. Sometimes, things will happen and there'll be no explanation for it, you just gotta roll with it. Sometimes, people will enter your life and you're convinced they're meant to walk the journey with you for the rest of you life, but in the blink of an eye...things change and you start seeing them walking down a different path. But the beautiful thing about life is that even though we're sometimes forced to walk down different paths from the ones closest to us, paths can always cross later in time, later in life. You just gotta roll with it, don't expect, don't force. Sometimes, people will come into your life, then leave...you can 't sit there expecting them to come back, nor can you force them to stay or force yourself to walk the same path as them...if your paths are meant to cross again, it'll cross, let it be. I have faith in God and faith in life that those who I'm meant to cross paths with again, I'll do so, in time. I don't like forcing things, friendships, relationships...I like letting that kinda stuff happen naturally. So when I hear things or when people tell me things like "oh, I'm ready for a relationship" or "I want a girlfriend"...I'm like okay, but maybe it just isn't the right time yet. Patience and perseverance...that what's meant to be will find it's way, let life carry it's course, don't get so caught up in what may or may not happen that you forget to just live and enjoy your life.

Dear Inner Self

FYI...wasn't gonna post today, wasn't feeling the posts on the notes that I saved on my phone. Remember how I told y'all I reset my phone, so I restored it and the last restore was from April, so I have a bunch of recent stuff from August till when I restored my phone in July then it jumps to April. Found this note on my phone from March 2016, I guess it was a post I never got to...here y'all go.

BTW...you may or may not have noticed a new addition to the layout of the blog if you look to the RIGHT above the archives. It's just a featured post, every week or whenever I remember I'll try to change it up to highlight a post that I really like or I feel is a good read, so keep on the lookout for that. On to the post.

Dear Inner Selves,

Some days are gonna be easy going, slow, fun, chill...take advantage of those days, but don't be afraid to relax and just kill time...you don't have to be absolutely productive every single minute of the day. It's okay to be selfish and take a couple of minutes, hours, or an entire day to just chill...watch movies...indulge. On the other side of the coin, some days...are gonna be hard, and when I say that, I mean some days are gonna be real hard. Some days you're gonna feel like nobody's there for you...and some days you literally won't have anybody there for you. I remember sitting in my car on a rainy day, desperately in need for somebody to talk to...scrolling through my phone, seeing all these name and numbers and not wanting to talk to any of those people. It's moments...and times like these that you have to find that strength within yourself...it's moments like these you have to find that courage within yourself. Trust yourself and your abilities, you won't always have somebody to lean on. You have to be able to stand on your own two feet at some points in your life. As THANKFUL as I am for my friends and my family...I'm confident in myself and my experiences to know that I can stand on my own two feet if need be. And I'm hoping you can find the strength, courage and boldness in you to do the same when you're feeling like nobody's around or when the situation calls for it.

Sincerely,
Rodmond

You're Wearing That To Church?

Time literally flies when...I dunno what I've been doing tbh lol. I wasn't even gonna post today, feeling hella tired and sluggish, but isn't that everyday? The more I thought about it, the more I was like hm, this kinda goes along with one of the posts I had stored up in my phone. So one thing that was bothering me today was what to wear tomorrow for church because I'm leading worship. My hair's hella hectic to the point where if it's not bald faded or close to the point where I can bun it without it being sloppy, I'm gonna wear a hat. So I was like hmm...do I wanna wear a hat tomorrow to lead worship...one of the other guys that I play with on the team wears a hat sometimes, but I was like he plays guitar so he's int he back (no offense), I was like I'm gonna be in front of everyone, is it gonna be a big deal? The more I thought about it, the more I was like whatever...if they really wanna make a big deal about something like that and like tell me to not do it or I can't leave...then that's their problem. Which brings me to story time...so about a month ago, I was driving in the car with my mom and I had recently cut my hair. She goes...hey does anybody at church ever ask you about your hair or say anything about it. I was like what do you mean...she's like well the fact that you teach sunday school, lead worship and such, I'm just wondering if anyone has said anything about your hair. I knew what she was implying, but I kept probing, she's like yeah...when you lead, you're not supposed to look like that...so in my head and outwardly I was like okay mom, what is/does a leader supposed to look like? A suit and tie? Clean cut? Is that what it means to worship God? Like bruh...which reminded me of the numerous conversations I've had with my friend I mentioned above about like attire at church...whether attending or leading worship, How we've both dressed in a way to intentionally provoke, to rebel, to make a statement. But we've realized why stir the post or create more animosity within the church. The whole reason we dressed the way we dressed was to be comfortable, why not just do that and whatever happens happens. It's just interesting seeing people's perspectives and opinions and what/how it's shaped and formed. I'll leave you with this funny, but very accurate picture my friend tagged me in.

Break The Walls Down

Shoutout to Chris Jericho for that title reference...if you get it, you get it.

So the bad thing about keeping a bunch of posts in the notes on my phone instead of writing it on the spot as it comes to me is that you lose the kinda mood/mentality you were in when you thought of the post. You might forget some details, but moreso...you just might not be motivated to write about that certain topic. But sometimes, I get lucky and as I'm scrolling through the posts on my notes, I'm like hmm, that's a good one to write about today...I'd say like abour 65% of the time, I thoroughly enjoy writing whatever the current post is. The other 35% of the time, a chunk of me is just writing it to put it out there ya feel. That's not to say I don't enjoy it, but the heart definitely isn't 100% there as it was say when I first imagined the post. But I digress...so a WHILE back...like maybe when I was in first or second year...I went to one of my friend's church retreat. It was him, myself and our other friend. So it was 2 people per room, so my 2 friends end up rooming together and I get paired with a stranger. I walk in and there's only 1 bed...BRUHHHHH. My boy's like do you wanna switch , I'm like whatever it's cool. We go for lunch, 3 of us walk into the cafe and we don't know anybody cuz my boy doesn't go to this church, his parents do and kinda dragged him along to the retreat, so he dragged us along. So throughout the day, we meet some pretty cool people and such, we bond, get along, play board games. The dude I'm rooming with was pretty cool, we got along pretty well. So bedtime...I'm sleeping beside this dude...the lights are off he goes...yo Rodmond, I know this is really random, especially since we're sleeping in the same bed...but you have a really warm personality, like you're a real friendly dude. In my head, I was like bruhhhhhh...so I was like say word, thanks man, you too. He's like I know it's weird, I saw you walk in with your 2 friends and I was like wow, that guy looks really warm and friendly, and you were. In my head, part of me is like the fact that we're in the same bed is making this hella awkward LOOOL...but I could tell he was just being a friendly guy, so I was like thanks man, I appreciate it.

So why did I tell this story...one, because it's hella funny...two, because I've never heard that before in my life. Like people have told me similar sounding things...but that's like after they've gotten to know me for a decent amount of time. This mans saw me and already formulated an interesting opinion about me lol. Most people who meet me or who know me will say I'm tough to get to know, or at least tough to approach, for the first little while at least. I do definitely agree, I have a very stern demeanor at times LOOL, but after that...I'm all laughs and jokes. It's kinda like I put up a wall...to kinda filter people you know...but legit once you're in, you're in for good, I'd like to think I'm a pretty loyal person. And I think as of late, I've become a very open person, thanks to this blog at least...I find myself sharing some pretty personal things pretty quickly to people I've just met or haven't really known for that long. Which goes back to the whole tough exterior thing, but if you're a bit persistent, you're in, and once you're in...you're literally in for the long haul. I'm reminded of the movie The Blind Side...too lazy to explain, search it up lol. But they describe the main character as an onion, you gotta peel him back one layer at a time and he'll slowly reveal himself to you. At the end of the movie, when he's all opened up, he asks  the same question to the lady taking care of him, he goes...why is she like that, why does she always show her emotion to a certain extent then retreat...the guy goes, well, she's an onion, you gotta peel her back one layer at a time. I definitely feel I related to that...being an onion, you gotta peel me back one layer at a time, some layers might be harder than others, some layers might be more interesting and appealing than others. Anyways yeah, I never know how to end posts like these sometimes...so...uh...PEACE.

Get Over It, Get Used To It

Change seems to be a never ending topic in my and probably most of your lives. I stumbled upon the NUMEROUS posts I wrote about change, which you can find here. So I recently restored my phone cuz it was hella laggy and messed, with that I had to redownload all the apps I once had on my phone, one being instagram. Now I had the old instagram right before they changed the app logo, I had been holding off on it because I thought the new app logo looked ugly. When I downloaded it tho, I was like eh, whatever...no big deal I guess. With most changes in your life, you get used to it...eventually. Most changes feel new at first, it feels different...you feel different, but eventually, you get used to it. If it makes you angry, sad, whatever that may be...you get over it, then you get used to it. Moving to a new school, getting a new haircut, breaking up with somebody...you get used to that change, then you get over it and it becomes normal, it becomes a regular part of your life. That's kinda where my mentality has been at as of late...I understand some changes may be good and some changes may be bad, but with most changes, you get used to it. It's especially funny when we find ourselves complaining or unhappy with the change when it first hits us, but then later on as it becomes part of normality we laugh at the fact that we once complained about it. With anything...I'd say especially the changes that make you sad or angry...that you feel are having or will have a negative impact on you and your life...get over it, because eventually...you're gonna get used to it.