Early Experiences of Heartbreak

I never knew you could experience heartbreak from something that wasn't a girl lol. I'll always consider elementary school grade 7 and 8 some of the best years and highlights of my life. I met one of the greatest teachers of my life...someone who today I can call my friend and a role model. Any ways...so grade 7 and 8...our sr volleyball team was a tight knit group of guys...we would always go for sushi dinners and ish...stay super late at practice, like 6-7pm LOL...like it was dark when we all were walking home. I remember one year I was a serve specialist so I always subbed on for the captain of the team cuz he had serving problems, so we would always sub for one another. Any ways I remember the end of the year tournament...the areas, if you won you would go to regionals. We were in the final 4 facing William Berczy PS....it was the final set, 1-1 apiece and it 23-22 for them. Our setter got called for a VERRRRRY suspect call that he touched the net when he said he didn't and everyone watching said he didn't...our coach was ready to flip...but we lost the point...24-22 them, match point for them. We got the point back and it was 24-23...our serve...captain's up, so coach subs me in, my serves were nice...low, like bullets, but I also had confident issues when it came to pressure situations...so I was nervous as heck. Bounce 3 times...spin the ball, serve...it goes over, I breathe a sigh of relief and get into position...WHISTLE BLOWS...ref says redo...that I served before he blew the whistle...one more and it would be a violation and point for them...here I am panicking and heart POUNDING. Bounce the ball 3 times...spin the ball, serve...it goes over to the back middle...guy doesn't touch it...WHISTLE BLOWS...OUT...we lose 25-23. I literally dropped to my knees...it discouragement and depression...I couldn't belief if...it was like everything that we worked for all year, all those practices, net jumps, running up and down the stairs...making it to the final 4...went down the drain cuz I overserved...my heart sunk. Immediately my captain and the floor captain on our team picked me up and comforted me and we shook hands with the other team. We all went into the stairwell of that school...some random high school...we were all silent...sad...discouraged...so close...our coach came in...and gave us a talk...how we started off and we were bad....but we worked out butts off to make it as far as we did...we were more than a team...we were family...we did things no ordinary team would do together and with their coach...it was fun...obviously none of us could really take in the words being said atm cuz we were all dwelling on the loss. Man, now that I think back to that...I get sad LOL....if we did make it to finals we would've lost no doubt...Parkview killled their opponent with ease and made it to the finals and killed William Berczy 3-0...they had a BUNCH of guys who all played club volleyball...who I'm cool with now and they all eventually went to Bill Crothers the sports school...but man...those feels lol

Fullness of Time

Not too sure where this post is headed or what the point is really lol. I was just sitting around I forgot where...and I was like man...time is so versatile. 20 minutes can feel like a snap of a finger...but it can also feel like an eternity. 20 minutes in the morning when you snooze your alarm goes by within what it feels like 5 minutes...but 20 minutes until class ends feels like time is moving as slow as a snail. Lately I've been concerned with time...and the feeling of wasting time and not wanting to you know...I really want to make the most of my time, now and the future...I don't wanna feel like I'm wasting time cuz I've felt that plenty in my life...time is a pretty interesting concept. The fact that it can feel like it's going by super fast when you're having so much fun...but can also feel like it's taking forever to get something you dread doing over with.

As Promised, For Your Viewing Pleasure...

Lately...

Lately I've been asking for a sign from God...God...I don't need to see the future, I don't need to see that I'm on the right path...but show me...show me God that everything will be okay. And literally these past few weeks...and like most of the bible studies I've been doing lately and have surrounding one key theme...God's plan and faith and trusting in Him. Today's sermon was about making space for God, realizing that He's always pursuing you...one thing the speaker said was to listen to God...to be still...and listen...really earnestly stop and listen to God, to hear what he's trying to say. I'm working on my essay due on Tuesday right now and I took some time to stop...and listen...really be still to God's word...and it hit me...everything that I've been learning about lately...has been God's plan...how God ALWAYS comes through. Stories of how people were struggling, scared or confused...but after a period of time...God provided...and they looked back and was like wow...I can't believe I was in doubt. That gives me so much strength and so much encouragement and I know that it is all from God. God you are so good...in times of desperation, weakness and fear...you give me strength...you give me comfort, God you are good. Everyday is still a learning process...and as fast as life seems to be moving sometimes...I need to stop and slow down...be still...and LISTEN to you, to your voice and your words...cuz you are good, and you are faithful...thank you God.

Unchanging

In bed right now...praying about a lot of things. The future, how scared I am for a lot of things...and the change that is yet to come and is also already happening. Friends moving on to different stages in their lives, becoming more and more busy. Me too, thinking about life after school and such. The more I thought about that...the more I thought about God and how He is the one thing that is and that always has been in my life that stayed the same. And God I am so grateful that amidst all this change about to come, amidst all the known. That you are always there, that you always stay the same and you never change, God you are so good...when I am not, you are so faithful when I am not...God you are amazing and worth of all my praise. I know you have great plans in store for me...and everyday is a continual lesson and process of change for me to offer up everything that I have to the one who have his everything for me.

Toys, Toys, Little Boys

I know it's been a while, sorry. Today was a long day...didn't work last week cuz it was exams and stuff and I hurt my back and could hardly walk...not working this week either cuz my manager was like just rest...got someone to fill in for you anyways. So today, chilled with my bro cuz he wanted to go shopping for the longest time...so went to vaughan mills at like 12...shopped around, got a dress shirt and these nice shoes, nike sb's for like $60, original 140. My bro got a shirt, afterwards, went to a diff mall and walked around some more, got some booster juice and got home around 6 ish. Anyways...so today at vmills we passed by this store called Toys, Toys, Toys and it reminded me of a funny story from a while ago  I was at stc I think with a couple friends and we split off guys and girls so it was just me and my friend...we were in the store called Toys, Toys, Toys just looking at board games and action figures and we started to talk about action figures and our old toys as kids. This random dude who was wearing like a rain jacket, a fisherman's hat who looked maaaad creepy...came to us and started talking about toys and action figures and how he had sooo many at his house and in his car and he was like if you guys want you can come and check them out in this van...and I looked at my friend and I was borderline about to laugh...he looked at me and was like sounds cool and I'm like uh no dude...we're busy. We walked away and I was like uh dude you know what that was...he's like nah, I'm like uh dude, I think we were on the verge of getting kidnapped LOL. Like this dude was in the toys store...not buying anything cuz I booked him just walking around looking at things...people...LOOL man it was a crazy funny yet scary experience cuz when I told him...he started freaking out like WHAT LOOOOL.

EXCLUUUUUUUUUSIVE

This isn't the video I was promising you, but it's something even MORE special and exclusive. In high school, some kids started a group called A.R.T, forgot what it even stands for...but they did creative announcements for peoples birthdays...here's mine...special shoutouts to my homie who made it for me and the dude who put it all together cuz they knew I liked J. Cole...