S.O. - Memoirs (Wish You Were Around)

Dang this hits the heart...

Where Your Real Friends At?

I remember watching a video and to sum it up, a friend calls you in the middle of the night and they need your help, they're desperate, what would you do? Today, I experienced that...I came out after work at 9 pm at the mall...my car wouldn't unlock...the button wasn't working...had to manually use the key to open it. Long story short...my car wouldn't start... realized I had left my headlights on and the battery died. Immediately started panicking...called my parents but they didn't have jumper cables so they said they'd call and try to ask their friends while I did the same. First off...in no way am I criticising the people who I called and didn't help me. But anyways...I called a bunch of friends and a few offered to help you know. Some had that hesitancy in their voice and that "don't really wanna do it" feeling in their voice.As I sat in my car scrolling through my contacts...what hit me even more wasn't the people who I called that debated in their head if they wanted to help me or the people who offered to pick me up right away. It was the fact that looking at the names on my phone...I struggled with who to ask,,,who to call...looking at the names...oh, he wouldn't help me, she wouldn't help me, he's always busy, she's always busy...and that hit me hard. It revealed yeah, who are my "real" friends who would help me in need. But it also revealed to me something about myself...who I view asmy closest friends who I know would hlep me in an isntant. Anyways...this was more a reflection for myself...not a downer post about the people that didn't help me....but a HUGE shoutouts to my brother...my homie John for helping me out...I know how out of the way it was...thank you brother. Now the question to you is...in times of need, whn yiu're absolutely desperate...who's the first person you'd call...aside from fam of course.

Freedom...Somewhat

Finished my exam on Wednesday, got to the bus at like 8:15, didn't come till like 9 lol. Went to the gym with my friend Thursday, then went sushi with him and another friend. Came home and had softball practice. Definitely feeling much better now that summer school is over. Got a double header for softball tomorrow..gotta lead a devo for the first game, which is cool, my friend accidentally helped me think of a really good topic lol. Summer school being over definitely lightens my load a bit, but that bit feels nice. My friends and I have been seriously talking about going to New York for a few days and I'm actually so excited cuz I think it might actually happen.

Grind Till Wednesday...

Sorry I've been mad busy...work Thursday and Friday, hitting the gym in between as well. Today was spent studying like man...got my last exam on Wednesday then summer school is over!!! Did my course selection last Tuesday, my schedule is pretty nice....loaft in terms of the number of days I'm at school, but busy in terms of the number of courses I'm taking. 4 courses each semester, so 8 in total...6 are 3 hour lectures, 2 are online. One sem only got class Tuesday/Thursday, second sem got class Tuesday/Friday lol...but I know it's gonna be mad busy. Can't wait till after Wednesday when summer school is over...missing my ultimate game for this stupid exam. Work has been good...but conflicting cuz my manager wants me to work evenings and at least 3 weekdays. It's tough cuz I got softball tues/thurs, ultimate wed, fellowship fri. I'm willing to do Mon and give up one sball prac cuz she said she would try to give me fri afternoons, but now she switched and is like nah...MUST be 3 evenings...so suss. So the only somewhat solution I've come up with is to alternate weeks. One week I'll do mon, tues, thurs night...another week I'll do mon, tues or thurs, fri night...so one week I may miss both sball practices, one week I might miss fellowship. It's tough cuz I have such big roles in both softball and fellowship that it's tough for me to miss either you know...pray for me...this job is demanding in terms of time...pray that it all works out...and that whatever happens happens.

T.I. - Got Your Back feat. Keri Hilson

I've been thinking a lot lately about girls...not in that kinda way lol...just about the future...my future wife...whenever I'll meet the one. I just want someone who'll be there, through thick and thin...someone who has my back...ride or die.

Loving To Win or Hating To Lose?

I've always been told I'm a very competitive person, I know that lol...from trivial things like boards games or card games...to things like sports and such. I put a lot of pressure on myself and hold myself to a very high standard...especially when it comes to things I like/love and am somewhat/pretty good at. Things I'm not good at, I'll still be very competitive because I'll put in the effort to learn and be good at it if I think it's worth it. But when it comes to things I love and am decent at like sports or video games, I'm very competitive. Sometimes I dunno whether it's the fact that I love winning and the feeling that comes with it...or I just hate losing you know. Sometimes, I can't really tell the difference, but I know for sure it's a little bit of both. Don't get me wrong tho...I'm not competitive to the point where I'm a total dick about everything, not even close...me being really competitive just means I work really had and get really down on myself if I'm not working hard or if I'm not doing well. That holds especially true in team sports I guess...I get dejected and you can visibly see it in my face, I get frustrated at my team/team mates too, but I would never put them down because of it, if anything I would just hold myself more responsible. Sports is probably the thing where I'm most competitive because it's something I absolutely love doing and something that brings me great joy. Whether that's basketball, softball, volleyball, football, ultimate frisbee, badminton, anything that I like playing or am decent in, I'm competitive. Today we had an ultimate game and we got bloooown out...17-2...damn, that's just straight up embarrassing no life. I'm obv disappointed in my team, but I'm more disappointed in myself I guess, just cuz I feel I could've done more, yeah it's a team sport, but some of the guys/girls are new, so what can I really do...damn. There's honestly no chemistry whatsoever on the team...we don't have practices, so things have been, are and will continue to be a mess...man...ultimate is something I honestly really love too. And especially playing on my high school team for 4 years and playing in university for a few years...being used to everyone knowing what they're doing and stuff...not even having to like each other, but respecting each other and putting aside differences for the game itself...man. If we keep it up...we're gonna lose...big time. The fact that we lose 17-2 tells me we'll probably lose a lot of games this season. Then again, things can change, if we work hard and practice obviously...we'll see. We're only 3 games in...but a lot of things have got to change fast...

Always Gone But Never Hard To Find...

I know I've been super mia and I'm sorry...literally been super busy with dodgeball, ultimate, softball, work, summer school, fellowship, worship practice, friends and trying to have a life. But lemme tell you I'm in a MUCH better place than I was when summer first started and when everything first was on my plate. Dodgeball is done tonight...softball has really settled down and everything is going pretty smoothly...ultimate is still in it's early stages...settling into work and getting used to everything...fellowship has been good thanks to my friend covering for my slack, but I'm trying to make up for it...chilling and having a social life on top of that is nice...just to do nothing with no commitment is good. But yeah, now that everything is slowly settling down, it's been nicer...summer school is almost over too, so things will def get better, thanks for sticking with me as always.