Random Thoughts

Today was not a good day...woke up early for my g2 retest and I failed...nuff said. What really cheeses me is that I was so close, almost done, literally at the finish line...the last thing was parallel parking, which I do a million times and I'm pretty good at it...but I usually do it behind a car...at the test I did it between 4 pylons..so I hit one of the back pylons and failed. It really sucks knowing I was so close...to passing...I could taste it, feel it...after that, I would've just turned into the parking lot and finished...sigh...just sulked the rest of the day. But had some good conversations with a few friends, my brother and my dad and it really made me feel better. Gotta wait 10 days till my next test...no need for anymore lessons cuz the instructor said there's no need, sigh...hopefully 3rd times the charm...otherwise I really will cry and lose my mind...other than that, it was a loaft day.

Today...

What's up...I know there were no posts yesterday, my fault. What did I do yesterday...oh right, woke up early and had an interview to get into the concurrent education program at York. The wait was more nerve racking than the actual interview. It was a room full of people in a circle cuz that's how the desks were placed...it was mad quiet lol no one was talking or saying anything and everyone was dressed real nice lol it was like some top secret meeting or something. But yeah, one by one, people came in and called people's names to go for their interview, so people left, but more people also came in. Finally they called me and the interview was real relaxed surprisingly...there were 2 people, one girl writing everything I said down and the other asked questions. I fumbled a bit, but it was real chill lol they were like it's okay don't worry and they helped me out and stuff, cuz they don't make the decisions, they just pass the info down to the people. But yeah, after that, just bussed home and chilled lol. Today was a looooong day, woke up at 7 for driving at 8 - 9:30..cuz my retest is tomorrow. Got dropped off at church and after church had lunch then prayer meeting. I almost fell asleep on NUMEROUS occasions. After prayer meeting had a praise team meeting then finally home..so tired. Nervous yet relaxed for my g2 retest tomorrow...knee still kinda hurts, I wanna hit the gym and run ball so bad. As well I want my phone back, but at least 2 more days -_-

From Me To You...

I hate how I have to constantly repeat that I hate people check this blog to see how I'm doing instead of asking me in person cuz I'm more "honest" on the blog. IF you were a good friend...you'd make a better effort into actually communicating with me like a real person. I keep saying, what if I took down the blog one day...that means you'd have to actually TALK to me in person...woah, scary.

Random Thoughts

No one likes the feeling of being replaced, it sucks knowing someone who meant so much to you and vice versa could replace you so easily without a second though.

We often want what we cannot have or want what we use to have but no longer have even more. When something is just there, it's not desirable, for some reason when someone else picks it up and has it, we suddenly see it's value and want it. You don't know something's true value until you've had and lost it.

I'm a jealous person only in some cases...

As I was sitting thinking in my own little world...the conversation me and my friend had on Tuesday after the movie in his car flashed back in my head. How a lot of my problems are related or derive from a certain group of people. How maybe I involve myself too much with them...well not that, but like...how I get in too deep with them sometimes. A lot of the things I write about on this blog have some sort of correlation that can be traced back to them. I replayed the words he said to me over and over and I took a deep breath, and took a big step back...all the feelings of being replaced, jealousy, want, desire...I took a step back from all that, really distancing myself between these people. Not in a negative kinda way...but it's like...say it's a really cold day...I'm sitting beside a fire place...I'm only trying to warm myself up to the point where I'm comfortable and warm...not to the point where I'm sweating and uncomfortable, you know.

Guys are often stereotyped into not being very emotional or not being very deep...how we only see things on the surface. That's so wrong on so many levels...I myself at least...tend to over analyze even the simplest things and try to find some hidden message behind it. Today...reflecting on the conversation me and my friend had, I took a step back, took a deep breath...and just underanalyzed things and just took things for what they were worth...I dunno.

This summer...after my G2 and my interview for school...I'm gonna be real relaxed and also when I get a job too...I wanna be a good friend, but sometimes...it's like I get all these feelings and I dunno how to explain it you know. The words my other friend once spoke to me also relay in my head...how he just wanted to chill and relax you know...have friends you can talk with and bond with...but also have a good time, friends who aren't constantly bringing you drama...yeah you wanna be there for them, but it's like they're always negative and always looking on the down side of things...you get a 90% and they asked where's the other 10%...those kinds of people. I dunno...I hope no one takes this post the wrong way...cuz surprisingly a lot of people go on this blog, but what's even more surprising to me is a lot of people take the time out to read posts like these lol...who knew y'all would be so fascinated with my life...huh.

But yeah, as for now...I just need to not get in too deep...like my analogy from before with the fireplace, yeah it's fine to get warm, just make sure you don't get over the point and you start sweating and stuff you know?

Today...

What's up...woke up at like 1 today. Went to Markville's Fido to see if they could do anything to my phone, their server was down, so went to sushi lunch with my mom. After that, headed home for driving, came home and went to pmall cuz my mom knows someone at Fido and turns out he said my phone is easy to fix, so gave him my phone and hopefully he can fix it. Other than that, just an average day today. But May in general is gonna be real busy/hectic for me. Plan for fellowship on friday, interview at school on saturday, driving class before church on sunday, then church then praise team practise, g2 retest of monday, timmies might call me next week, bro's bday and mothers day on same day...plan for my bday...after my bday, May should be more chill and relaxing hopefully...also need to sign up for gym too. 2 things I neeeeeed to get off my plate are g2 test and interview for school...pray for me

From The Heart: 19 And Counting...

What up...went to watch a movie at like 10 ish, came home at around 12 ish...sat in my friend's car and just talked for a good hour or so. We started talking about cell phones and trying to fix my cell phone, to talking about beef and stuff like that, to drama and stuff like that, to life and stuff like that. I'm just so grateful and appreciative of friends like him, to be able to talk to about anything, swap advice, stories, problems, experiences...anything. These are the friends I know I will cherish till I'm old with white hair. We talked about things like high school beef...people talking about us...how kids are just whack nowadays. The people we've met in high school, the friendships we've carried on. We talked about school...the future, life, problems. I dunno, it was a really random, yet eye opening and heartfelt conversation. We touched bases on so many topics and he shed light on so many things in my life. It really opened my eyes...I'm turning 20 soon...in less than 2 weeks...that's the beginning of a new decade in a my life. A chance to start fresh...with things, people...and situations in my life, a chance to just have a clean slate. I know this post doesn't really make sense, it's a kinda thing where you really had to be there yourself and be apart of the conversation to understand it. We talked about church, problems, girls...just being really babied and sheltered in Markham and being so use to and uncomfortable to everything that you kinda get sick of it sometimes and take it for granted. Same thing with people...too much comfort or being too use to someone and knowing someone too well can be a downfall as well...you get into fights a lot cuz you know all their habits and it may annoy you or something. I dunno man...at one point, I just really closed my eyes, put my head down and took in the whole conversation and everything that was said...it really eased my mind on a lot of things and relieved a lot of stresses and burdens that have been really in my heart for the longest time but kinda were swept under the carpet. These are the kinds of friends who would do anything for you, who would be there in a heartbeat...who you sometimes fight with and get mad at over dumb things, but still know that you're boys till the end. That's all I can really say, I know you might not understand this post, it's just kinda a bunch of words strung together...but it really hit home for me at least...and yeah.

Today...

Today I woke up at like 12:30 ish, no phone...meaning no alarm...or mp3. Headed to the mall with my friend who I hadn't seen in the longest time. It was really fun to catch up and have good conversations with him, def hope to keep in contact and chill with him more in the summer. Got a new batter for my laptop, but bad news was my phone is messed and looks like I'll have to get a new one -_-...after, headed home and chilled, loafted and was gonna go play ball at church with my dad and his friends, but instead hit the movies with friends and that waspretty much my day.