Feel Everything
This IS not and WILL not be an easy journey, it's going to take time and how much time is truly up to you. It's important to feel and acknowledge everything you’re feeling. Every single bit of sadness, anger, regret, doubt, all of it. Cry it out, yell it out, write it down, talk to someone, do what you need to do. I definitely did all of those things and trust me, it really will help you in the long run. Being sad and uncomfortable isn’t a good feeling but you really have to sit and marinate in your own thoughts and sadness and one day it'll stop. One day, I was just like I'm tired of being sad, I'm tired of listening to sad songs, it's literally like I ran out of sadness, and trust me there was a lot of it lol. I only say that because it's tempting to wanna avoid your feelings and distract yourself from feeling sad, but that's literally just sweeping it under the rug and eventually, it's gonna come out.
Be Consistent
Whatever helps you cope and makes you feel at peace in that beginning stage of your journey, keep doing it (as long as it's not dangerous). Whether it's journaling, working out, running (yes I had like a 2 week running phase lol) or whatever makes you happy, be consistent because the only way to break old habits is by building new ones. It was really hard for me to just get out of bed in the beginning, but I did and I kept doing it. I wrote in my journal, I went to the gym, went back to church, did things that made me happy and satisfied my soul and that's what you need to do too. But it won't always be easy, you still might feel sad, tired, unmotivated or angry when you do these things but keep pushing forward, consistency is key.
Keep Moving Forward
Someone once told me that when you're in a race, you keep your eyes up and forward because when you look back or side to side that's when you not only slow down but potentially trip, fall or stumble. Everytime I wrote in my journal, I would always end it off by saying the journey continues. It was something me and my best friend reminded each other about and it was the idea that you're going to have bad days and it's okay to take steps back but you keep moving forward.
Let Go
I know it's easier said than done but you can't and won't fully move on and heal until you fully let go. Everyone is different and for some people it might be a full cleanse of deleting pictures and throwing away anything and everything that reminds them of that person, this is where you exercise discretion. For me it was just removing (not deleting) things on my phone and putting everything else out of plain sight in like storage or something. That's just because I'm a hoarder and I keep birthday cards from when I was like 16 lol. Plus I see it as every good and bad thing in my life represents change, it represents growth and it also represents an important chapter in my life. I think one day I will eventually get rid of some stuff I don't need, but stuff like pictures I don't see myself deleting only because I see it as a memory of a dope ass time in my life, but also a hard ass time in my life, a time in my life that challenged, changed and shaped me into the person I am right now.
Focus On Yourself
The healing journey has nothing to do with your partner or anyone around you. It has everything to do with you and finding yourself, loving yourself, growing and becoming better. When my ex and I broke up, I was probably at the lowest point of my life, I lost a lot of my confidence and struggled a lot with my self-worth. It was a long journey to find it and find myself again but I came to realize that this healing journey had nothing to do with getting my ex back or showing her I've become a better person but it was about improving myself for me, reminding myself of who I am and what I have to offer. Something I also did was have a lot of uncomfortable conversations with myself when I was journaling. I would think about a lot of things like what went wrong in the relationship, what do I wanna carry with me into the next relationship, what can I do or how can I be better for my next partner? It was a lot of reflection and soul searching. It ultimately takes 2 people to make a relationship work, so there's always room for both people to grow no matter what happened or how it ended.
Time Heals All
I hate how cliche it is but it's so frickin true. When I was first going through the breakup, one of my friends told me this and I thought he was pretty cold because I wanted him to console me and say some comforting shit but all he said was time heals all, it gets better everyday and one day you'll wake up and it won't hurt as much and one day you'll wake up and you won't think about her anymore and it's so damn true. But I do wanna emphasize that you can't just mope around and let days pass without doing anything, like you still have to put in the work, but understand that it's a long journey and it's going to take time, but one day the hurting will stop and the healing will end, I bet my life on that. Make sure you have little check ins with yourself frequently, I think it's important to keep some sort of journal or log of your thoughts so you can go back and look at all the progress you've made. I did it all, I wrote in a physical journal, I wrote notes in my phone and I even recorded voice notes for myself but now I'm at the point where I just write in a physical journal. I'm not really somebody who rereads my stuff like I don't even read my own blog posts, but there was a time where I listened to a few of the voice notes I had recorded and I don't recognize that person, I couldn't believe how sad, how hopeless and how broken I sounded and it was firstly a reminder that I never want to feel that feeling again, but it was also a sense of satisfaction as to how much work I've put in to get to where I'm at now.
Healing Is Not A Straight Line
Your journey is going to have it's ups and downs and you're going to have days where you feel great and totally over it and you're going to have days where you feel like shit and like this feeling is never going to go away. It's okay to have bad days, it's okay to feel like you're taking a step back, healing isn't linear and sometimes just getting out of bed and going for a walk is a win. It was so hard for me to just get out of bed those first few weeks and even harder to find motivation to do anything, but I did...in time, and you will too. Healing isn't a straight line, there are no shortcuts and it isn't a sprint either. No matter how far you are on your journey or how over your breakup you think you are, sometimes the most randomest things might trigger you at the most randomest times. I can recall so many moments where I'd be watching a movie and start tearing up or listening to a song or talking to a friend and just getting really emotional, and you know what...that's perfectly fine. You acknowledge your feelings, you express them, accept them, then keep it pushing, you've got this.
Be Kind To Yourself
Use discretion as I was purposely very hard on myself because I knew I needed it to fully let go and move on. But everytime I talked to my friends, they would always remind me to be kind to myself and to look at all the progress I've made in such a short amount of time. I just remember days where I would go to my friends and be mad at myself because I thought about her again and it's been X amount of months and I feel like I shouldn't, That's when they would remind me about the progress I've made and also that I'm acknowledging these feelings and not running away from them, and that it's okay to think about her and okay to miss her but you have to understand that part of your life is in the past and that part of your life is over. Similar to the race analogy, it's like driving a car, sometimes you just wanna look at the rear view mirror to see what's behind you and that's okay, but keep your eyes front because that's where you're at now and that's where you're going, the past is the past.
Trust The People Around You
I'm almost a year into my breakup journey and I can't emphasize how much and how badly I needed people in those first few months of my journey. It was tough man...it was my first time crying in front of a lot of my friends, in front of my parents. You don't know how much it meant to me to just sit and cry with people, to just hug my friends, my parents and thank them and tell them I loved them because them being there for me at my lowest meant the world to me. The one thing I do wanna say is that I truly believed and trusted everything my friends had to say because each and every person I talked to had gone through a serious, life changing breakup and they knew exactly what I was feeling, exactly what I was going through and also exactly what was ahead of me so I knew they were speaking truths and guiding me in the right direction. One lowkey sad truth is that (mostly) everyone has or will go through some sort of big breakup in their life and that's what my best friend would always tell me, that "unfortunately it's just your turn." But it gave me reassurance that this was just part of my journey, a small chapter of my life, a canon event that had to happen that will get me to where I need to be and who I'm meant to be with. I truly truly would not have gotten to this part of the journey if it weren't for my friends and family, so thank you.
Enjoy The Journey
Kinda weird eh, why would you wanna enjoy this feeling of being sad and heartbroken? For me, it was like this was a beautiful chapter in my life and I look back and have so many fond memories. It's the idea that one day this journey will end. One day you won't think about this person anymore, one day you won't hurt anymore and one day they'll be a distant memory. So I remind myself to cherish and appreciate this journey because one day I'll wake up and I won't think about you anymore and you won't think about me anymore. I'll move on and so will you, so while I'm on this journey, I'm gonna enjoy and cherish the sad, happy, bittersweet walk down memory lane. I know it sucks now but it truly is helping you become a better person and a better partner in the future. There was one thing that I kept writing in my journal that inspired and motivated me to keep going and that was the idea that I can't wait to see the person that I am at the end of this journey. When I first started this healing journey, I was at my lowest point. I couldn’t get out of bed, everything made me cry, I had no motivation for anything and I truly felt like I was at rock bottom and I didn’t see the light or an end in sight (more bars lol). This journey at times has felt slow and never ending but more recently, I can’t believe how much time has passed and now not only do I see the light but I am so confident that the end of this journey is near. So...to anyone going through or struggling with a break up, I hope this helps. Wherever you are in your healing journey, I wish you well. I hope you push through on your hard days because you're stronger than you think and celebrate your small victories because they matter more than you know. I hope you keep moving forward through any and everything in your path because one day the journey will end, I know it with all my heart. But until then, keep your head up, keep moving forward, the journey continues…
I don't know if this is a comeback. I don't know if or when there'll be a next time. All I know is that I just really wanted to share this with you guys. It's like a little moral victory being able to coherently and confidently talk about and share with y'all a very personal and vulnerable time in my life. I feel like I've learned and grown so much in such a seemingly short amount of time, but also sometimes this journey has felt never ending lol, I'd tell my friends it feels like I've lived through like years of emotions and feelings but in reality it hasn't even been a full calendar year lol. Alright this post has dragged on long enough, flowers to you if you made it to this point, thank you for allowing me to express myself and take you on this journey with me. I appreciate it and I appreciate you...I'll see you when I see you, peace.
